Hi all,
So, just hoping I might be able to get some feedback on my current situation, I’m going to try to summarise here but sorry if it’s a bit long!
Hub and I have been together 9 years and are in our 30’s. Mother, sister and father in law all live together in one cottage in the country about 200 miles from us; they moved there from London 7 years ago. They breed livestock/do airbnb which is how they earn their living.
Since the beginning MIL and SIL have always been extremely nosy but after moving to the countryside, they’ve become very isolated and don’t see anyone for weeks on end, so their “communication style” is just getting more extreme.
SIL is 28 and (this isn’t an exaggeration) doesn’t have any real friends and spends all her time with MIL. She’s really rude to FIL; always putting him down and bossing him around. When we first started dating SIL used to always call me “stupid”, “what a stupid thing to say”, “god that’s so stupid”. I had to tell hub to speak to her as its was so rude. Also, I’m not stupid but still got massively offended by it! b**ch!
When we were planning our wedding a couple of years back, without any encouragement both MIL and SIL emailed me a plan of how we could have the reception on their land… stipulating a list of rules, including no alcohol (they’re not religious btw), 20 people max, must finish at 9pm, they would make the sandwiches and cold quiches (!) and we would pay £200 for the ingredients, no loud music etc etc. We did not ask them to get involved in planning the wedding so felt abit smothered by this offer about this and also, we wanted a proper party so declined the offer.
Initially we wanted to have the wedding close to them as they live in a beautiful part of UK. Around that time, hub was talking to MiL on the phone and she randomly wanted to speak to me about venues that I liked the look of. We spoke for a little while about venues within 50 miles of their home and that was that. The very same weekend, SIL whatapped me a video of both MIL and SIL at the venue I had mentioned as my favourite, the one I told MIL hub and I planned to visit in a few months.
They viewed the venue without me and then sent me a video reviewing it. I couldn’t even watch it I was so pissed off!
Anyway, we ended up eloping (partly because the inlaws then decided if we had a wedding anywhere but in their hometown they wouldn’t be able to come as too far) and had a party at a local pub which they didn’t come to as again, too far away from their house. After eloping, the inlaws didn’t speak to us for almost a year and didn’t want to see us at Xmas as “too busy”. I sent a Happy Xmas text to SIL/ MIL and didn’t get a reply back.
When we called them to reveal we’re expecting (20 weeks now) we put them on speaker and the first thing mil said was “oh hubs name but where are you going to live?”. He abruptly removed from speaker phone and spoke to his mum without me on the call.
FYI we currently rent, have £20k in savings between us but don’t intend to get a mortgage now until after baby is born and I’m back to work.
We went to visit the in laws this weekend and it was NOT fun. We got a grilling over lunch, where we were asked multiple times “so what’s your eventual plan?” and told over and over that renting is wasting money (we know but no real choice right now). MIL asked about child care, exactly what hours I would return to/ IF I would return, how we can afford it and then told us that we need to really “have a sit down and think about what you’re going to do”. She also told me about someone she knew who went back to work after baby and could never afford anything ever again.
MIL finished the lunch by telling us we had to put every last penny into a “house fund” as she wants the “baby to have a home!” said very emotionally like she was actually going to cry.
SIL is so rude, she left half way through lunch on Saturday and didn’t even bother to say goodbye when we left on the Sunday as “too busy”. Always their excuse.
Baby is due in September. I’ve told hub that unless his mum and sister improve their manners/ sort themselves out I’m not visiting them anymore, they can come to us and stay in a hotel. I don’t want MIL and SIL speaking to me like an idiot infront of my own child. We never point out their faults but every time we see them all they do is interrogate us and highlight everything they perceive us to be doing wrong. I try to put a stop to it, but MIL and SIL are not subtle and don’t get hints of any kind. They also get into huffs very easily, highly emotional.
I’m not really sure what to do with them going forward. Has anyone else had a similar experience with the inlaws and if so, what did you do? I don’t want to cut them out (mainly for hubs benefit) but I really dread seeing/ speaking to them and not sure how to best handle it once the baby arrives!
Thanks :)