Announcing pregnancy at 10+3

[ClaraLaMoine]

Currently 10 weeks pregnant. Back to work next week after 3 weeks off with vomiting and dehydration on and off. Finally found a medicine that helps and vomiting is reduced to 3/4 times a day. Would like to take more time off but can't as I have zero sick pay left.

I had a scan at 10 weeks confirming baby is all ok. Due to how sick I've been they wanted to have a look, which was lovely. Baby is incredible (just wow - I grew that in 8 weeks?!)

I'm worried about going back. I'm happy to vomit in the loos but people will definitely hear me, I'm extremely bloated and look huge, my boobs have gone up a cup size, I've lost a fair bit of weight everywhere apart from my stomach which sticks out as I'm so bloated, I can only eat pretty obvious pregnancy foods etc etc. I work with some pretty intelligent people and am fairly sure one will suss me out!

I would be happy to announce as I had a scan at 10 weeks and that's peace of mind enough for me, however I haven't had the nuchal scan yet and am not due to until another three weeks...

Would I be absolutely bonkers to tell people before the scan? I suffer from severe anxiety which I have quite suddenly stopped medication for and having to keep it a secret is quite stress inducing. I could use the support...

When I say announce, I don't mean have a party and scream it from the rooftops... just tell people that that's why I've been off if they ask. Don't know what to do...

I told various work colleagues at about 10 weeks, and I hadn’t had a scan. I figured that they would find out either way in the end and I needed a support.

It would be fine to announce now. The risks of something going wrong are vastly reduced once you’ve seen a heartbeat on a scan. Congratulations

I told my closest colleagues at around 6 weeks- they didnt say a work to anyone and I asked them to keep it quiet. I don't see why you shouldn't tell one or two trusted closest colleagues. Congrats :)

Thanks all. The only thing I am worried about is if the scan came back with a genetic defect as I do not know what I would do in this situation dependent upon what it was. I know it's unlikely and I'm only in my mid 20s so risk is low, however it could happen... is this my anxiety talking?

I found out baby had a genetic problem at the 12 week scan and instead of telling people I was having a baby, I had to say I was pregnant but... I felt no one got yo celebrate my pregnancy because it was so depressing. If you want to, tell them and then if something does go wrong, at least you had a chance to tell them the good news first.

Thanks @Waggily and so sorry this happened to you. It's really so heartbreaking.

I feel that my colleagues are mature enough to be adult about it if something did go wrong, I'm just terrified of having to explain if it does.

My gut is telling me to tell people. Still very torn though....

Firstly congratulations! I’ve lost pregnancies and I've told before 12 weeks and not and all ill say is, if something goes wrong it makes no difference - it’s still the same amount of emotional pain. If anything, people not knowing you were pregnant and then having a loss was worse because I found it hard to tell people why I was so upset. So I think go for it. Also from all I've read (and its a lot!) your chances of miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat significantly decrease.

Thanks @Aria2015 - sorry you had to go through that. I know how it feels

I'm not actually concerned about miscarriage but more if the nuchal scan came back with a serious abnormality and we decided not to carry on with the pregnancy. That, I would find hard to explain. Very low chances however...

I think if the 12 week scan reveals something then you will need support from those around you. You don't have to make an announcement or even say anything. Even if people guess they probably wont say anything unless you have told them first. Personally I would tell the people you work closest with and your manager.

No one will judge you for not carrying on with the pregnancy if all is not ok. The chances are that everything is fine. Congratulations.

You may also find that work will let you have more time off as pregnancy related illnesses are usually separated from your usual sick days.

@Cornishclio thank you. It's such a stressful time. I just don't want to jump the gun with telling people. Not sure how likely it is for a 27 year old to have a baby with downs but I know it happens.

Thanks @Bobbiepin - I can have off as much time as I like re pregnancy however normal sickness pay applies so unfortunately won't be paid for it!

I would leave it until 12 weeks but that is purely because I had two MMC last year and with the second one I only found out at the 12 week scan having had no symptoms whatsoever of miscarrying. I have just turned 11 weeks pregnant and nobody at all knows, only my DP and I. I won’t tell a soul until the 12 week scan because I don’t feel comfortable discussing miscarriages with everyone and their brother. Everyone’s different though, it’s probably going to be absolutely fine after seeing a HB at ten weeks.

It’s also about a 1 in 1200 chance of having a baby with downs at your age, I am a similar age so know the stats .

Things like Downs happen but a very small likelihood at your age. Sometimes anomalies show at anomaly scan too at 20 weeks though. I think most of us worry throughout pregnancy and beyond but the majority of babies are fine. Try not to let your anxiety over shadow your pregnancy.

It really is no one else's business though so if you want to keep it quiet I would just leave it until 12 weeks and if your colleagues guess before then so what. It is less than 2 weeks away. It is a shame you have no more sick pay as it can't be nice going in with the amount of vomiting you are doing each day.