How on earth do you meet likeminded people?

[TinyTino]

I was reading a thread the other day about how people cope who haven't made their mark in the community. I felt pretty low after reading it as I am brand new to my area and don't know any mums or mums to be. I have no family around me, and am dreading how lonely my maternity leave will be if I continue like this.

How on earth do I meet people however? It's quite early for me to start going to antenatal classes, and there's not much going on around me. I'm 27 and have loads of friends but just don't have any friends or family in the area.

Really stuck and concerned... any ideas?

Forgot to add, I'm 10 weeks today!

I have the same problem as you but I have been told that if you do the NCT classes you will find like-minded people, locally, who you can spend time with on your maternity leave. Although it's too early now, they are people who will be giving birth at the same time as you and will want to talk about all the baby stuff that is going on with you at that point. Try not to worry about it until closer to the time! I do know what you mean though. I keep finding new things to worry about

Baby groups didn't work for me but I met one person at an ante natal class who I got on with and am still in touch with years later.

I would do any kind of class or short course that interests you as long as not hazardous to pregnancy health. I have relocated twice so knew no one.

I actually did two courses when on maternity leave, one was a free IT course and one was an art class. I didnt make lifelong mates from that though myself and a couple of women did go out a few times from the art class. I was okay paying for two mornings childcare though and understand not everyone can afford that.

To add my friend did NCT classes, the only thing they all had in common was they could afford to pay for the classes. I know some NCT groups get on well though.

I say walk through life, meet a hundred people, maybe one could be a really decent good long term friend, a few are good company maybe it won't last like the nice women that I met at the art class. Many are ones that you feel totally neutral about and then there will probably be one or two who are massive, insert your worst derogatory word right here and are actually bad for you.

Thanks both.

It's so difficult isn't it. I'm not the sort of person who would usually do classes as it's not my thing. I am just panicking a little as I feel like once baby is born I am going to be quite isolated.

A friend of mine suggested meeting people online on a site for mums as mums to be but it all seems a bit dodgy to me. What if they're a total weirdo etc etc.

I am envious of people who have lived in the same place their whole life and have a huge network built up. It's great to move about but definitely has its pitfalls...

@TinyTino I know what you mean. I've also been self-employed for the last 5 years so have very little chance to meet people. I have some friends locally but not the sort I feel I can call on when I'm having a panic or a crisis. My OH is great but obviously at work in the day. We're in the process of moving (only about 1.5 miles) and I'm hoping that the neighbours there will be friendlier than the current lot! I'm also pinning a lot on the NCT classes as I know quite a lot of people who made friends that way. Even if you don't have anything in common in general, I think when you have tiny babies there's always something to talk about. Other than that I'm starting pregnancy yoga(!) next week, mostly to help my back but hopefully might meet some people...

Yeah, this is really scary for m too. Im in London. I have friends but none with kids and only 1/2 in the local area.

I dont fancy NCTas they seem a bit preachy so I have booked another ante natal class nearby. I hope I might make one friend from that?? Or if not Im just going to have to try mother / baby groups? But it is a bit daunting as you already have the feeling everyone knows eachother.

Don't want o end up stuck at home all day on my own. Sounds really depressing. Used to having company all day. Sure the baby will be lovely but it can't talk back to you or give you adult stimulation.

I actually went to pregnancy yoga but no one talked to one and other! Madness! I tried to strike up a couple of conversations to no avail.

I felt like this while on mat leave. I didn't have any friends in the area and certainly none with children. I went along to baby groups, tried out different ones as they all have their own vibe. I found that you do have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and approach others. I wasn't going to make friends by waiting for mums to talk to me. I also downloaded an app called Mush. It's kind of like internet dating for mums and gives you a chance to have friendly chats and see if you get on/ have much in common before arrange a meet up.

Most baby and toddler groups welcome you whilst you are pregnant too. That can be good way of getting to know people. Any volunteering you can do locally whilst on maternity leave? For example I'm 31 weeks pregnant and help out in our local community hub 3 hours a week. It's a great way of meeting people. Ask your midwife? she might have some suggestions. Mine is constantly suggesting things I might not have thought of/seen and has a ton of posters up.

Is there a positive birth group in your local area? Might be worth a look, ours certainly organises meet ups etc.

I'd suggest apps like Mush or MummySocial. It's like dating so you can match interests. Mush also has meet ups organised if you're worried about meeting someone one to one. I met several other mums on them and they've been so lovely and friendly, I don't know what I would do without them now.

I second the Mush app, I’ve met a lovely mum on there but some mums seem to treat it more like Facebook and collect friends rather than making actual “dates”?

There’s also an app called Hoop which has all the local events listed by day, sometimes I just look in the morning and decide to go to something that’s a drop in. I found a sling swing class that I’ve just started going to.

Also look at your local cinema to see if they do baby screenings- it’s good to get a change of scene even if you don’t meet other mums.

I wouldn’t rush to be booking classes in the early days though, as it can be pretty chaotic to start with.

I have never done yoga in my life but did a few pregnancy yoga sessions and the lady who runs it did postnatal stuff too- with baby. I had to stop because of pregnancy complications but will go back postnatally.

Through facebook I have found quite a bit going on ie baby massage, coffee mornings, buggy walks. So it is out there OP.

Also I am not a fan of NCT but smaller franchise classes like Daisy Birthing attract a range of mums.

Pregnancy yoga saved me in a new place.

I made lots of lovely friends in my antenatal group. A friend in the group had done pregnancy yoga and made lots of friends through that too, who she introduced us to.

I’m like this - had only been in the area a year when I fell pregnant and only friends in area where Work friends (who I wasn’t close to).
I did do an antenatal aqua aerobics class. It was good as I could have very light conversations about pregnancy. Didn’t make any friends there but felt nice to share experience (and I did it from about 16 weeks as a way to relax and do gentle exercise).
When dd was born I felt very lonely after the initial few weeks but started putting myself out there. I went to baby groups and sessions and talked to everyone. I soon clicked with some other mums and now have a nice (small) network of close friends and a wider group of people I happily chat to when I go to groups. I’m not the most outgoing but I found the lack of adult social interaction throughout the day made it easier to speak to people! I checked names on sign in sheet (as at first you only learn child’s name 😂) and Swapped numbers for coffee and play dates! It was easier than I thought it would be.

I made lovely friends at NCT. They are my lifeline. It's pot luck who will be in your group, but it's an excellent way of bonding and chances are there'll be at least one person or couple you'll get on with.

I also volunteer doing the NCT sling library.

I felt like you before having my daughter- and I'm so much happier now I feel more rooted to my local area.

Do any/all the antenatal classes you can, whether NCT/yoga etc whether or not you like the ethos. Often people go to these just to meet others to hang out with on maternity leave. Be very open about the fact you would like to make new friends in the area (esp "mum friends") and be quite forward about swapping numbers with people and arranging meet ups. Often people with good local support are happy to meet if someone else makes the first move or does the organising but won't bother to do it themselves because they don't have the same incentive - or confidence! Same goes for baby groups once the baby is born. NCT often organise local ones in people's homes which are a great way to make local friends (not preachy classes, just mums and babies trying to get out the house and drink coffee!). You might be surprised how many people you can meet if you put yourself out there.

And by the way - you are very wise to be considering this now, it's do helpful. I did pregnancy yoga from 10 wks pregnant and made lots of friends. I sent a piece of paper round the group asking ppl to put names and numbers on if the fancied meeting for a drink one day then I set up a WhatsApp group and it went from there. (Never done yoga before or since.....so not my thing!!)

Nct works if it's localised near you. For me the nearest group was 12 miles away which is too far when you have a new baby.

However baby groups, clinic and playgroups all provide meeting opportunities. Speak to people and you'll find someone like you. I have a group of mums, some are more "me" than others but we rub along well.

I've been wondering exactly the same thing! Am 30 weeks tomorrow and we've got our first NCT class so am hoping to meet nice potential Mum friends!
If that doesn't work out I guess I'll go to the breastfeeding group that my midwife told me about, or see if there are any Mum and baby groups within walking distance.
I do have some lovely Mum friends already but with older kids and at least a 30 minute drive away so am still looking for those elusive local mums :)

I'm worried I'm going to get weird about it... earlier I was in Sainsbury's and saw a woman who looked about as pregnant as I am and part of my brain literally thought 'she looks nice! Go and make friends with her in the salad aisle!' 😂

@Eggo your thing about the salad aisle made me laugh out loud!!! Can I just say I'd be delighted if you came and randomly started talking to me when buying avocados 😂 genuinely though! I'm not brave enough to do that myself though!

Look out for ‘bumps and babies’ coffee mornings or similar. For example NCT do them, you don’t have to be a member. I didn’t do antenatal classes but got to know lots of local mums to be through the coffee mornings last year which has meant my maternity leave has been much more interesting.

@surreygirl1987 I will come back and update if I ever do approach another preggo woman in a shop to make friends 👍 not sure it will be a hugely successful tactic but if I work up the nerve at any point I'll come back and let you know how well it works 😂

I'm also self employed working alone and live where dh is from, we have 3 year old and 5 month old children. I lived here 6 years before I had ds1 and tried everything to make friends and got nowhere, small town, everyone has their own groups. Within months of having ds1 I had a few good friends and now have a massive group of friends and acquaintances with kids the same age, at dinner recently there were 10 of us and that was with about 4 others missing. I met them at breastfeeding groups which are great because you can go before baby is born to get info/make contacts and met them at other local mum and baby groups. I know lots of others who have made friends at swimming classes etc.

I found having a baby the best icebreaker, I'm usually so socially awkward but it's a perfect topic to start on straight away, you trade ages/names/birth stories/experiences so far, saves me agonising over things to say!