MMC/late miscarriage/miscarriage in general...

[BabyGardiner]

I'm currently 9+6, joined mn for a bit of support and reassurance, but have found quite the opposite. I've had two miscarriages before and no live births. Lots of people on here asking about miscarriage risk and symptoms. Having read online I gathered that at 10 weeks after seeing hb miscarriage risk was very low (less than 1%). Reading mn posts it appears higher. Not sure whether this is simply because people are more likely to post about their concerns as opposed to healthy pregnancies. Anyone else find themselves worrying more after scrolling through mn?

I think once you've had a miscarriage you are always going to think slightly irrationally and worry more than many, however my anxiety is through the roof and finding pregnancy extremely stressful.

Not quite sure what I'm asking. Are all early pregnancies this stressful and anxiety inducing?

Feel like I'm going a bit loopy!

I think if you have a straight foreword pregnancy you are unlikely to be posting on a forum.
The first time I had an extremely straight forward pregnancy and birth. Barely a twinge for nine months and I wasn’t remotely stressed.
Then I had a miscarriage and a MMC and then a v premature birth.
I have no wish to get pregnant again but if I did I would be petrified. So I think it depends on your circumstances. The 2011 me would have not had a clue about how many things could go wrong.

@KoshaMangsho the first time I was pregnant I hadn't a care in the world. I didn't even really think about miscarriage as it was someone I didn't think would happen to a 24 year old. 2nd pregnancy I was terrified and miscarried again. This pregnancy I've made it to 10 weeks (nearly!) and am absolutely shitting myself! I don't know how I'm going to last another 30 or so weeks.

*something not someone

I think it just that if you problems conceiving in the first place or suffered MC, you are more likely to want some extra support and more likely to post than if you have no problems. I ended up here due to it taking a long time to conceive and I wanted to read other people's stories as I found it reassuring.

@usernotfound0000 I think maybe it's just a case that for me, nothing will reassure me other than a healthy baby in 7 months time!

I'd like to clarify that when I say I found the opposite; I meant in regards to reassurance, not support. The support received by many on here, especially considering that they are strangers, is wonderful.

People are definitely more likely to post 'bad' (or at least worrying) stories than good - this is true not just of miscarriage, but of symptoms and birth, too. This is because it matters so much more to you if it's bad. I post quite often about my three miscarriages because they have had a huge effect on how I feel about this pregnancy, and so still affect my life. I never post on threads about morning sickness because 'I had mild and totally manageable nausea from weeks 9-13 and was sick exactly twice' a) isn't much of a story b) is something I never think about because it was so insignificant and has now passed and c) might be a bit annoying on a thread about severe sickness! Similarly, I wouldn't be particularly pleased if around half of all posts on miscarriage threads read 'I've had multiple successful pregnancies and no miscarriages', even though it would be much more representative.

I don't really know what it's like to be pregnant without that fear, as my first pregnancy was an early miscarriage, but it does seem - and as your own experience suggests - that it is totally normal to find it much harder after loss. Feeling that anxiety doesn't mean something bad will happen (I really struggled to accept that in this pregnancy - I was convinced that I could predict a miscarriage with my 'ominous feelings', but it doesn't work like that).

Have you had your booking-in appointment yet? It might be worth mentioning this to your midwife, as although some anxiety is normal, if it's becoming overwhelming and really affecting your life then help is out there, and you should feel like you can ask for it. I had counselling in my first trimester and it didn't solve everything, but it did help.

@LisaSimpsonsbff thank you. That's brilliant advice. My booking appointment is in approximately 28 minutes! I'm just anxiety central. Going to the toilet every hour to check for bleeding. Symptom spotting. Looking at my body in the mirror for at least half an hour a night.

I think I just want this so badly after 2 years of utter failures on the baby front. I can't get my head round it all...

Please do tell her, then - I think people often worry that there'll be some sort of bad consequence of 'admitting' that you're struggling with mental health, but in my own experience all that has happened (after I told them about both my current anxiety and my history of depression) is that I've been offered extra support. I actually ended up cancelling my appointment with the mental health midwife because I decided I was doing ok at that point, and no one hassled me or chased me about that, they just made it clear that all I had to do to reinstate it was ring up if I ever felt that I did need referring on to further services..

I don’t know, on the threads saying ‘I’m spotting is it a miscarriage’ nearly all the replies are people saying they bled all the way through, they had heavy bleeds but were fine, spotting is normal etc. I guess no one wants to come on and go well actually for me spotting was the first sign of a miscarriage. No one wants to be the person posting a loss amongst the posts of hope and reassurance.

Actually there was a thread once that someone started which said the very opposite that ‘I spotted and it was the start of something bad’ and wanted to start a realistic thread and many many of us posted on it. Funnily with my prem baby I bled constantly before delivering early. I never post saying ‘look it will be fine’ because both from my miscarriage and prem baby I know it might not.

With spotting I quite honestly say I have spotted in all pgs, both the successful and the unsuccessful. So I don’t think that symptom alone tells you much. But I would never have posted about it after 1st pg as since it was successful it just wouldn’t occur to me to look. The support I had on here with my recurrent mcs (and subsequent successful pg2) was second to none and there’s lots of advice if you go down the testing route. So I suppose I am disagreeing with you! I do hope you have a great outcome this time

I’m sorry op, I don’t think the anxiety leaves. My pregnancy has been on the whole great. I’ve felt well and I’ve enjoyed EXCEPT for the anxiety.

I had a mmc last year which followed with a hideous time in hospital.

With this pregnancy, we thought it was going to have to come to an end around 24 weeks due to issues at the 20 week scan. The sonographer had made a big mistake.

I’m now 33 weeks and the anxiety is still here probably even greater than in the early days.

I don’t think it ever goes and I believe this is just the start of the rest of my life in regards to worry.

I just take each day as it comes. I try and enjoy the good bits and keep my fingers crossed it will all be ok in the end.

For what it's worth, I have found that it ebbs and flows (I'm 26 weeks now). I found my 20 week scan a major relief, and for the last month or so the anxiety has been much more manageable - I think probably still higher than 'normal' but much less all-consuming. I worry every day, but not all day every day. As part of that - and this has been the most helpful thing - time has seemed to speed up; the first trimester seemed to last 1000 years! I also think that some of the strategies I've tried to use (the counselling early on, mindfulness techniques encouraged by that counsellor, pregnancy yoga for relaxation) have actually made a bit of a difference, which is why I think it's good to seek help; you don't have to accept it as an absolutely unchangeable fact and something that you have no control at all over (though I do think it's unrealistic to think you can eliminate the anxiety entirely).

Hi I can totally relate to this. I have had a MMC at 12 weeks and a chemical at 5. I am currently 18 weeks and was a nervous wreck until my 10 week scan. I found my anxiety totally eased until this week. I have had a very small bit of spotting. Even though the midwife had listened to the baby immediately before and then my doctor also checked and was happy I was growing normally I am soooo anxious. It brought all those horrible memories back. I think that miscarriage changes you. I really don't think its possible to enjoy your pregnancy the same. Its about taking it a day at a time. I also think people only post when there's an issue and I also think they fail to update the forums when the problems go away. So all you ever see is bad news/worries and never any update. I bet in most cases there's been a happy ending!!

I feel the opposite and am glad miscarriages are openly discussed here. Aside from one friend (that I only discovered had also suffered miscarriages a couple of months ago), I don’t know anyone in RL that understands the pain. Despite the stats and consultants reassuring me it was incredibly common, I felt like the only person in the world to have suffered one when I had my two MMC last year. I felt so, so alone. I wish now looking back I had turned to mumsnet for support sooner. It comforts me that so many people openly share their raw experiences because it makes me feel comfortable enough to do the same. Aside from my friend, I don’t have anyone else to discuss it with.

I am now almost 11 weeks pregnant and beyond terrified the same will happen again but I don’t find the stories of miscarriage on here worsen my anxiety because I know it’s a reality many face and I know it’s one I may face again. I have to come to terms with that because the first time I was sooo arrogant that would never happen to me following three ‘normal’ pregnancies, the miscarriage shocked me to no end.

In ways I also feel a responsibility to make people aware of MMC. Not to frighten people but purely because I had never even heard of them before mine so the shock was unreal. I always thought if you got to 12 weeks without bleeding or pain everything would be fine. My second MMC I did just that, got to 12 weeks without pain or bleeding to find the HB had stopped at 9 weeks. I couldn’t believe it as I always imagined miscarriages to be the dramatic pain and gushing blood. They are rare but they also need to be discussed more so people understand that it is a (slim) possibility. I felt so many different emotions following mine but the overwhelming one was blame. I blamed myself and my body, I felt it had failed me. It’s absolute nonsense to think this way but also natural. I just don’t think miscarriages are discussed anywhere near enough so when you do suffer one, unless you have people around you that have also been through it, you feel very alone. It is a lonely and isolating grief.

Thanks all. I think I am just really psyching myself out, as when I had miscarriages before I convinced myself that I would never have a baby, that I would never put myself through the heartbreak again. Yet here I am! Pregnant, 9+6, and absolutely bloody terrified! Midwife was lovely, explained that I'm not out of the woods but anything can happen at any time in pregnancy and to take each day as it comes/call her if I have any concerns.

Would love a big glass of red right now! Cracking open the ginger beer instead...

I am going nuts reading mn. I'd just made the decision to try and stay away from it for a bit as the constant mc stories are scaring the crap out of me. I never had this fear with my first 2. But then I never read mn. I am older now and at higher risk for mc, but this forum has just turned me into one big ball of anxiety. It's too much.
The other thing that baffles me, is that people are always saying mmc are rare. Yet here, litterallt EVERYONE seems to have had one (or more!).... so clearly not that rare. So now I'm convinced this will happen to me. I'm not feeling reassured!!!

I say ignore the stats and concentrate on you. Here’s one I have had this week.. ‘bleeding in pregnancy isn’t normal but it’s not uncommon’ .. what the hell do I do with that!!! I think what ever is meant to be will be.. it’s just really difficult telling myself that some days xxx