Unhelpful comments/advice

[Rootitooti76]

Anyone else receiving rude and unhelpful comments in pregnancy?
I'm 19 weeks. I'm enjoying most of this apart from other people.
At the start people asked if it was planned, had I just put weight on etc.
Now they're telling me horror stories about birth which are fear evoking. I said this to the support worker at my GP surgery and would you believe she proceeded to say her epidural didn't work and she felt them cut her open so she needed a general anaesthetic.
An acquaintance told me who I should have with me at the birth.
A friend has given me a lecture on not having the Dads surname (I'm not with him) and if I marry someone else give the child that man's name. Very personal!
What the F is the matter with people?? Im in disbelief at the time they're saying these things but am ready to next time say "I don't want to know" or "F off"!!

Everyone's got an opinion.

I got asked by the woman serving me in Sainsbury's if the baby was planned. Luckily I'm not easily offended but still.....

Haven't had many horror stories though. I just tend to nod and smile.

The only time I have come close to actually telling someone to fuck off was when I was told not to be so selfish and to have another baby after I said we may just have the one child (currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first).

I hope you learn to zone out any unwelcome "advice". In the mean time just practice your best nod and smile.

I couldn’t believe that people asked if it was planned when we told them too! I mentioned this to my mum and she suggested I was being overly sensitive. I got to the point where I just laughed, and ignored the question- we are married, own a house together, have been together 12 years and both have good jobs, I will let you connect the dots!

I’d just say thanks but no thanks to the advice and get on with enjoying your pregnancy 😊

You need to toughen up op!!
When baby arrives you will get the :
Too chubby
Too skinny
Too hairy
Too bald
Too loud
Too pukey
Everyone and their granny will have an opinion.
Smile, ignore, move on.

It is annoying but best get used to it. It doesn’t stop once the baby arrives. I have twins and was just asked for the billionth time by a total stranger if I did IVF to get them. 🙄

My child free sister said “Don’t you think you should do some weight training?” I’m 16 weeks pregnant, I am a EYFS Teacher who is on her feet all day, have a large home and two dogs to care for... pretty sure my exercise levels are good.
I don’t think people know what’s coming out their mouths or how offensive they can be.

I've had unhelpful comments about having a section and not breastfeeding.
The choice of name.
Been told I've entered the gerbil stage! Exact words.
All of these from my husbands family.
Everyone else has been lovely!

Yep I feel you! I was 19/20 during 1st pregnancy and 23 during 2nd but I do look about 16.
I got:
“Will you be going back to school afterwards?” (Um, no.)
“Do you know who the dad is?” (Yes)
“Are you with the dad?” (Yes)
“Was it planned?” (None of your business)
“I bet your parents were disappointed weren’t they?” (WT actual F)
And my favourite one, said while laughing “Oh my god I feel so sorry for you, you’re so tiny you will DIE giving birth!”

My dad asked me if it was planned (this was his first & only response to the news). Yes dad, I'm 39 FFS.

Yep I think people just love being the fountain of knowledge or they think they are hilarious.

Ive had so far ( at 16 weeks)

Are you sure its not twins your showing early?
My FIL now loves calling me " Fatty" when he sees me
Well I suppose you have an excuse to eat that many crisps ( whilst I was eating lunch)

Prepare for the everything you do speculation too...

I got this constantly.

waddled came back to my desk one day at work with a milky coffee and a Twix...

Response from colleague:

"Ah so you're drinking coffee...that's allowed, I guess...?"

"Chocolate....hmmm I guess it doesn't hurt the baby once in a while..."

Whilst staring over the monitor.

I had such bad morning sickness throughout the whole pregnancy that I was living on a plain baked potato and a mince pie a day. It was the first time I'd fancied a little elevenses ffs.

“That’s going to be s big baby then” when I dared to put golden syrup on a single pancake on pancake day

Strangers love sticking their nose in, don't they? I was on my way to the park once with the 2 year old in the buggy and the baby in the sling. A lady stopped me and said "are they BOTH yours?" No, I just saw the buggy outside a house and grabbed it! When I was pregnant I had the "don't eat too much, eating for 2 is a myth" "make sure you eat more, there are two to feed now".

I lost count of the times I said "thanks for the advice, I'll take that onboard." and subject change.

“That’s going to be s big baby then” when I dared to put golden syrup on a single pancake on pancake day

I had this too! My Mum told me to be careful with junk food (because we told her we stopped at services and had a McDonald's on our way down to visit her) because the baby will end up fat! He was born 5.5lbs!! Plus many other food related opinions.

Second pregnancy here and doesn't get any better I'm afraid.

Dc1 is only 14 months, dC2 due any minute, literally...I am constantly asked "was is planned" "what's the age gap". I am also currently 11 days overdue and am asked by strangers when I'm booked in for induction and then why I'm refusing induction

I am also planning a home birth with unleashes a whole load of opinions!

For what it's worth op, I had a lovely birth with Dc1, only needed gas and air, no stitches, and I feel very positive about my up coming labour.

At the risk of offering some unsolicited advice myself, I would highly recommend hypnobirthing, not just to help with confidence surrounding your labour, but it also helps to not give a stuff about other people's opinions imo :)

Congratulations!

@88mph 😂😂😂 you've tickled me. Thank you I needed a laugh

Oh I love when people start questioning what you're eating! I got a lot of that. I'm a scientist,I went through a long IVF journey for this baby I think it's safe to assume I've checked if it's safe to eat egg

Yep! Latest comments being “your really 19 weeks pregnant nearly? Isn’t your bump too small” and “you’ve not felt movement yet? Maybe the baby isn’t growing right / growing too small”...all obviously very helpful and exactly what a pregnant woman wants to hear...

Oh and also “is it your husband s”?!!! WTF?!?. That was my all time favourite. Also concidering the woman who made the comment knows me and my husband well..

Count yourself lucky you are not having twins! Comments like:

1. So, did you do it twice that night?
2. Any day now...with a knowing smile, when only 30 weeks
3. Double trouble.....
4. I always wanted twin girls - get it all over and done with in one go!

Then after the birth, it was impossible to walk anywhere without being stopped by passers by; either a twin/triplet themself; or the parents of twins; or people wanting to ask inane questions like:

1. A boy and a girl, how nice! Your family is complete! (Two girls in frilly summer dresses)
2. How do you tell them apart? (This is especially odd, if this is after question 1. and they are assumed to be a boy and a girl! If not; well one has white hair, and the other has black hair!)

A half an hour trip to the shops usually needed an hour and a half, just to allow for being stopped every 100 yards!

My colleagues are particularly fond of telling horrendous labour stories at me. It's got to the point where I just keep saying 'no' over them until they peter out.

Apparently that's 'rude'. I don't care. I'm not paid enough to listen to Jess from Finance insisting it must be twins cos I'm so fat, or Ellen from Admin reminiscing about the maternal deaths she witnessed as a midwife.

Absolutely feel free to tell them to fuck off. Your pregnancy, your business.

There seems to be a general assumption that all pregnant women (especially first timers) successfully sit on a jizzing penis then think 'mission accomplished, I don't need to think about this any further'. The conversation I keep having goes like this...

Them: So, how's everything going

Me: Fine thanks, everything's been pleasingly dull so far. The baby's massive though, just what you want to hear a few weeks away from giving birth haha! (very obviously a joke, just making polite conversation because I really have had a very uneventful pregnancy (for which I am very grateful))

They then spend the next 20 mins telling me about how growth scans mean nothing and anyway babies don't grow according to text books and charts etc etc and that I really shouldn't worry about it and inductions and c sections blah blah blah.

A - I'm not worried in the slightest
B - I have a midwife who actually knows about these things and we've discussed it
C - I have seen a number of medical professionals at the hospital who see pregnant women day in day out and they aren't worried either
D - Honestly - I've got this!!

This has happened so much in the last few weeks since I had a growth scan that I shut down all pregnancy related conversation with "everything is gloriously uneventful thanks".

I am going to retain this phrase after baby Floyd is born and repeat ad nauseaum

It’s absolutely baffling and doesn’t stop when they’re born sadly!

Whilst pregnant I was out for dinner and the man on the next table made a few general comments then asked if I would be breastfeeding! Ummm, yes He then told not to set my heart on it as lots of women just don’t produce enough milk, like his mortified wife sat next to him.

If I ever have another baby I shall be getting very ‘rude’ and telling people to mind their own bloody business.

Oh my gosh, I never knew the depths of rude unsoliticed opinions until we were expecting. I doubt it will change at all when children are here. I don't know why it is with pregnancy and babies but some people just don't seem to be able to stop thenselves. Even if you clearly know your stuff, and can back it up with science and research, they still disagree. Luckily I've not had too many people try to grope my stomach. Seriously why? You can't feel the baby!

I either politely deflect and change topic, respond with a humorous (sarcastic) put down comment, or if I'm feeling feisty anything from a guilt inducing 'how do you think it's helpful/makes me feel telling a pregnant woman something like that?' (Like in response to your support worker), to a blunt bugger off type message.

Yep. As the saying goes: opinions are like arseholes.. everyone's got one.

I used to say to people before they'd stuck their oar in 'it's kind of annoying but everyone keeps asking really personal questions about the pregnancy and I always feel awkward' and usually that would mean that they'd be more thoughtful before they ask me about the condition of my ceviche or somesuch.

With most things, it's intention and context. A well meaning friend being genuinely interested is different to a stranger on the bus asking how bad my tear was so I try and give the benefit of the doubt if appropriate.