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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Prenatal depression

29 replies

MrsDx · 11/04/2018 20:28

Has anyone had this? I’m feeling incredibly pathetic and ungrateful for being so lucky but feeling this hopeless and depressed. I have depression anyway, but it’s been pretty much under control for a long time now...anyone else had their depression get worse in pregnancy? Did it change their perspective on things? I’m scared x

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JellyBeanPaws · 11/04/2018 20:41

If anything my first pregnant helped my depression greatly. Maybe the whole feeling of having a purpose and something to aim and look forward to. I was closely monitored through the pregnancy for any change is my mental well-being which am grateful for but thankfully it was a positive experience for me. As long as you keep a good support network around you, and I wouldn’t suggest changing your meds suddenly either. I’ve been on the same dose of Fluoxetine for nearly 4 years (including my sons whole pregnancy and now this pregnant too) and it helped me keep an even keel over my mental health.

Aw12345 · 11/04/2018 20:49

I've never had diagnosed depression before but pregnancy has made me very teary and emotional (like majorly so). Wondering if I have antenatal depression but not sure :-( I'm also worried and scared about it, have times of feeling hopeless and guilty about being ungrateful re the pregnancy. :-(

Pregnancy is so much harder than I thought it would be!

GreenEyedGoose · 11/04/2018 20:51

I definitely had itvwith dd2 and she was very much wanted. It was horrible.

But the second she was born it lifted and no depression since.

Original poster

MrsDx · 11/04/2018 21:01

The guilt is hard isn’t it @Aw12345 😢 does the depression sort of come in waves? I had a wonderful day yesterday but today I’ve hardly gotten out of bed. It’s dark and horrible. I loved my last pregnancy and I am so excited and happy about this one too my feelings aren’t linked to baby but I feel differently about everything including my dh which is the scariest part...

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Original poster

MrsDx · 11/04/2018 21:02

@GreenEyedGoose would you mind telling me how you felt when you suffered from it? Thanks for the reply x

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Aw12345 · 11/04/2018 21:07

Yes it does come in waves... suddenly lots of crying, but normally triggered by something (albeit very minor such as the dog barking). How far through are you?

Completely agree that any of the sad feelings are not related to feelings about the baby, sounds stupid obviously but I do love the baby lots... I try to think like we're going through this ordeal together!

Original poster

MrsDx · 11/04/2018 21:10

That’s a nice bonding way to look at it...yeah I think everything seems very overwhelming at the moment even stuff like making a phone call to the council or sorting out a tax assessment makes me feel like I can’t face the day. I’m only 15 +3 what about you?x

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Pinkvoid · 11/04/2018 21:10

I had it with DC1 and it continued after he was born, I needed counselling. I basically felt removed and detached from the pregnancy. I spent all day during the last trimester in bed... I would only leave to get food, to use the loo or have a bath. I overate, ate a lot of junk and just basically had no desire to do anything. I didn’t have any real bond with him and at times, refused to accept I was pregnant. When he was born this continued. I didn’t get the initial rush of love people talk about, his birth was extremely traumatic which didn’t help. To begin with I struggled to accept he was mine, I thought he was someone else’s and they would be over to collect him. He cried a lot as he had bad colic from day one and I remember once getting in the bath and laying under the water wishing to drown so I didn’t hear him anymore. It was a very much wanted pregnancy but I was ill and needed help which I got.

Eventually I felt the magic ‘rush of love’ and I held him for hours, didn’t want to put him down. I had two DC after him and didn’t suffer from it again, thankfully. It was horrific. Ask your midwife for help, she won’t judge and it is better to get help now than wait for it to possibly explode when the baby is born.

Original poster

MrsDx · 11/04/2018 21:15

Thank you @pinkvoid for being so honest..that sounds awful I’m so glad it passed and you bonded with him eventually....I do get scared about how I’ll be after the birth. I just think they’re all so understaffed I don’t think I’ll get real support. Plus I hate admitting I’m struggling. Depression still isn’t really seen as an illness like a broken leg or a flu etc is it...

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isthismummy · 11/04/2018 21:27

I'm right there with you op.

I'm 15+6 days with twins after nearly three years of infertility. They are ivf babies and I spent all my savings to get here.

I wake up everyday in the foulest mood. My DH gets on my nerves and I loved him to bits 15 weeks ago. I feel zero excitement about this pregnancy, just terror at how the hell we will cope with two babies.

I told my midwife at my booking in appointment, and was referred for counselling. They can't see me for 12 weeks I'm going to my GP soon to beg for ADs. I honestly cannot go on like this.

I think it's a myth that pregnancy is a joyous time and as women we are under great pressure to live up to that stereotype. In reality pregnancy is blood awful.

Speak to your midwife or GP about how you are feeling. They are there to help

isthismummy · 11/04/2018 21:29

I'm terrified of how I will feel post birth too. Plus can't stop reading horror stories and terrifying myself

Aw12345 · 11/04/2018 21:36

I'm 23+4 :-) trying to be positive and thinking about how much we've already come through/survived instead of thinking about how far there is to go (too depressing to think of that).

Pregnancy is 1000% harder than I thought it would be, I was naive. The feeling low/having lost all personality is the worst but there is all the other stuff too.. vomiting, nausea, exhaustion, recurrent cystitis, headaches, abdomen pain etc etc etc. How does anyone do this more than once!?!?

Kelliem · 11/04/2018 21:41

Yes I did, to the extent that I was planning on leaving DH with DD once she was born. Please get some help, speak to your midwife/GP, I paid for private cbt which did help and enabled me to continue with the pregnancy.
It lifted as soon as I had DD...
Be kind to yourself

SiolGhoraidh · 11/04/2018 21:48

Mine kicked in pretty much as soon as I found out, despite this being a planned and wanted pregnancy. I have had it before and had treatment, so I was onto the GP as soon as I felt things were deteriorating and got a referral the same day to a programme called IAPT - Improving Access to Psychological Therapies

I've been doing CBT for most of the first trimester, and the sessions finish this week. I also take an antidepressant. So far it's really helped. I'm in a much better and brighter place than I was, and feel much more positive about the future and my ability to cope with stuff and even enjoy it.

I'm horrified @isthismummy that you've been told a 12 week wait. You should be absolutely top priority, especially with multiples. Definitely speak to the GP and see if they can fast track things as well as asking about ADs.

Original poster

MrsDx · 11/04/2018 21:49

@kelliem oh my god I was literally texting my mum the same thing today making future plans to have the baby and have to leave dh. Yesterday I was so happy and loved up. It’s scary to feel so out of control isn’t it.
I was so smug going into second pregnancy thinking I’d sail through like I did before....but wow is this one taking its toll on me.
Everyone who’s replied has really helped though. Thank you for taking the time. At least we know we’re not alone eh!xx

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Original poster

MrsDx · 11/04/2018 21:52

Oh and @Aw12345 the constant cystitis and random stomach pain does not help does it! I can’t believe those poor women with the constant severe morning sickness throughout pregnancy can bring themselves to do it more than once! Although I do sometimes think when I’m at my lowest that I’d rather be constantly sick than constantly sick in my head if you know what i mean :-/

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goldentriangle · 11/04/2018 22:00

Yes, Dd now 13 and it took me a while to realise what had happened. She was dd 3 and it hadn't happened with previous pregnancies but yes I had no interest, I went to all appointments alone. As soon she was born everything changed. Biggest regret is her name I agreed when pregnant due to complete apathy but now I really dislike her name and 100 0/0 put it down to depression

Kelliem · 11/04/2018 22:03

As a previous poster has said, please contact IAPT or your area equivalent, I think you will be prioritised due to being pregnant.
So sorry that you are feeling this way, it’s truly shit.
If I hadn’t been through it I wouldn’t believe it..
For me it lifted, however I also didn’t bf, as in my ‘saner’ moments I knew this was down to pregnancy hormones and felt better to think that once the pregnancy was over, I was kinda done. I know bf’ing is important to many but my own wellbeing was more important.

NerNerNerNerBATMAN · 12/04/2018 08:17

Yes have absolutely had it with this pregnancy, it's been awful. Very dark times despite being in a loving relationship, a joyous DC1 and this pregnancy being much wanted.

Agree with PP that it has come in waves. I've been having CBT through my local IAPT service who prioritise pregnant women. Also told midwife and GP. Have been referred to a midwife who specialises in mental health- I've not taken up the offer of support but it helps to know I can ring her if I need to. HV informed me that there is a local groups for women with PND should I need it, so that helps too. Am just trying to make sure that I get the right support around me whilst I'm well, as it's 10000x harder when you're not well!

It's shit but it will pass OP. You're not alone

Original poster

MrsDx · 12/04/2018 11:32

Thank you so much for replying it really does help to be given some support it’s very kind of you all, I’ve been referred for CBT would you say it’s worth while then? I never manage to commit to any kind of counseling etc...

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cheerfullysleepless · 12/04/2018 11:38

Hello - I don’t normally post but saw this and had to. I’ve never had depression before or since pregnancy but became severely depressed and anxious with my first and so far only pregnancy. I was suicidal and it took me being almost sectioned to access regular nhs treatment because was also on a long waiting list. When I did get the CBT it didn’t cure it as such but gave me techniques to manage it and the reason I’m posting is to tell you that almost as my labour began my mood lifted and within days of giving birth I was (knackered, sore, emotional but...) totally myself. This area is not yet as understood as we would like but my team thought it was strongly hormonal. You’re not alone - so many women suffer and worst of all don’t mention it as it’s meant to be such a “happy time” - hang in there, it can and it will pass xxxxx

EasterRobin · 12/04/2018 11:54

Mine kicked in before I even knew I was pregnant. I only tested for pregnancy because I had cried for nearly an entire day and thought something might be going on.

to you for going through this.

For me, i was crying 3-4 times a day through the whole pregnancy (sometimes triggered by things, but also fairly randomly through the day). It wasn't related to reality as actually everything was pretty good.

I got put on antidepressants as soon as I'd given birth, and it all calmed down within a few weeks. Hurrah for sertraline! I've had no problems bonding with my daughter.

isthismummy · 12/04/2018 12:00

@siolGhoriadh My midwife was all "you'll be prioritised due to being pregnant" when in reality I was seen faster when I accessed them a few years ago I'll be ready to drop before I actually get an appointment.

Everyone has been useless tbh. I haven't even had an appointment for twin consultant clinic yet, even though I was told at 12 week scan it would be within the next three weeks. I just feel totally alone

RumbleMum · 12/04/2018 18:13

I had (thankfully brief) prenatal depression with DS2. I'd never had full-blown depression before but I've since discovered I'm mildly bipolar so perhaps it's related. In my case it passed within a few weeks and I had no further issues but I was horrified by how it felt and have a great deal more empathy for people who have to deal with it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP - please speak to your midwife and please don't minimise how you're feeling. Even without depression I found my feelings towards the DC and DH were all over the place during and after pregnancy so try not to let that worry you if you can.

PerditaNitt · 12/04/2018 18:26

I’m so sorry you’re going through this; you definitely aren’t alone. Im 29 weeks and I’m taking medication for hypertension, which has a side effect of causing depression and anxiety. I’m lucky in that if I’m not too far down the rabbit hole, I can take a deep breath and tell myself it isn’t me, it is just the pills (unfortunately I don’t always catch myself before I fall into the darkness).

I’ve had a couple of counselling sessions so far. Once great piece of advice my counsellor gave me is to monitor my mood for a week and try to find the small things that either trigger positivity or negativity. I found a strong correlation between my negative moods and tiredness, any physical aches and pains and spending too much time with my DH (who seems to be winding me up hugely during this pregnancy even though he is acting the same as ever!). I found my mood was really lifted with certain foods, a warm bath, etc. It really isn’t groundbreaking stuff, but it does help me to pre-empt some of my moods and I’m forcing myself to build in things into my daily routine that help me. It might be worth you also looking into your correlations while you are waiting for a referral. It won’t magically cure the depression, but it may help you feel more in control.

Please remember that it will pass and that you’re not alone.

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