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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the baby's sex did you regret it? DH is having cold feet!

23 replies

Baby2018 · 10/04/2018 20:32

Little bit of a dilemma on the go, we have a 16 week scan tomorrow and my DH had said he'd like to find out the sex of the baby if we could. I came round to the idea and was actually looking forward to finding out but DH said this evening on the phone to his dad " yeah we're finding out tomorrow but now I dont know if I want to" he hung up and I was like what? I thought you wanted to know.
Now he's saying he's not sure anymore but it's my decision? I dont want to say "well we're finding out" in case DH then regrets it? Did anyone else regret finding out? and how did you decide yes or no if you weren't in agreement?

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M0RVEN · 10/04/2018 20:34

Em, the one of you who doesn’t want to know could leave the room when the question is asked ?

Are you sure that you will be told ? Some hospitals won’t disclose this information at a 16 weeks scan, it’s their policy.

Original poster

Baby2018 · 10/04/2018 20:38

I did think that but Im not sure I could keep it a secret haha!

This is a 16 week private scan, Ive got a couple of health conditions and my extra NHS scans dont start until post 20 weeks so Im paying for this one for reassurance and they said they could tell us the sex if bub is in the right position

Im thinking maybe we could wait until 20 weeks but even then if he's not sure what we'd do? I guess if one of you doesnt want to know neither of you gets to know? I definitely dont want to be in the position Im in now which is " you decide" if DH isn't sure?

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milleniumhandandprawn · 10/04/2018 20:40

I was really really glad we didn’t find out - and so was DH in the end.
It made the actual day even more special and it’s like a little extra present finding out.

Bobbiepin · 10/04/2018 20:41

Are you having a 20 week scan too? Could you wait until then?

slowsloth · 10/04/2018 20:45

We didn't find out with either of ours. I didn't want to know because it didn't actually matter to us, I don't understand not wanting the surprise at the birth tbh.
We were wrong with our instincts both times too

LisaSimpsonsbff · 10/04/2018 20:49

For the sake of balance, we did find out and so far (26 weeks now) don't regret it at all! We didn't mind at all either way, so it was just nice to have that bit of extra information - and I think it has made the idea of the baby seem a bit more 'real' to us both.

Gammeldragz · 10/04/2018 20:51

In hindsight, I wish I'd had my first as a surprise, it was practical to find out with the others, but I'd have loved to have that surprise at the birth after all the hard work.

ShowOfHands · 10/04/2018 20:54

There is no right or wrong answer and no special or better way to do it. Only what is right for you. For me, the sex was just a fact, like the other observations so I had no reason not to find out iyswim. And with hindsight, it was the right choice because the birth was traumatic and I had a crash cs and haemorrhage. I don't remember much, certainly not meeting DD, so it was nice to have had that moment with DH at 20 weeks.

ibetyoulookgoodonthedancefloor · 10/04/2018 20:54

I found out with all 3, wouldn't do it any differently - no regret here.

twobambinos · 10/04/2018 20:56

No didn't regret at all and finding out again this time. Can't wait

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 10/04/2018 20:57

We wanted a surprise, but ended up finding out the sex due to harmony test results. We somehow managed not to tell another person we knew and just told everyone we weren't finding out the babies sex. It was quite lovely to have our little secret & to be honest if we hadn't found out I don't imagine it would have made the moment dd was born any more exciting. We always said though if one of us wanted to find out and the other didn't we wouldn't find out, thought that was the fairest way

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 10/04/2018 20:58

We found out with all three.

Absolutely no regrets.

Lots of people have very strong opinions and superstitions around this but there really is no right or wrong.

For us it made it more fun preparing for the arrival-especially after we had the first-it made it easier (for us) to help DC1 prepare for DC2 etc.

Notonthestairs · 10/04/2018 20:58

We found out both times and loved it! We struggled to have children at all (miscarriages, IVF, ICSI, another miscarriage, horrendous pregnancy second time - bled throughout etc) - knowing the sex sort of anchored things.
My DB and SIL didn't find out with their 3 and loved not knowing!
As with all parenting stuff there is no right way, just the right way for you.

happymummy12345 · 10/04/2018 21:01

I'd never ever find out the sex. Dh wanted to at first but in the end he was glad we waited.

Dreamingofkfc · 10/04/2018 21:04

Didn't find out with first two, loved the suprise. Have found out this time and don't regret it, still super excited to be having another baby. I think if one of you.doesnt want to, then wait - you get to find out eventually. I only found out this time as I have two boys and my eldest wanted a sister, it's another boy and he's now super excited

LisaSimpsonsbff · 10/04/2018 21:25

For me, the sex was just a fact, like the other observations so I had no reason not to find out iyswim.

That's exactly how I feel, too. For me, refusing to find out the sex when offered seemed to make it too big a deal.

ClareB83 · 10/04/2018 21:31

We found out and no regrets at all. We were always going to find out as I refused to spend nine months debating girls and boys names esp once we found out it was twins (that's three sets of names to work out).

brindleberry · 10/04/2018 21:40

I did not regret it. Made me bond even more with the baby.

Original poster

Baby2018 · 10/04/2018 21:53

Thanks everyone, sounds like mixed views. Im thinking tomorrow we won't find out and then DH has more time to think about it and might change his mind for the 20 week scan. little disappointed because I wanted to know but I feel like we should feel the same way / be on the same page I dont want to be the one of us who decides when he's not sure, I think Id rather not know ( because it still sounds like everyone who didnt find out liked the surprise) than make the wrong call

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annlee3817 · 10/04/2018 22:33

No regrets here either, seeing my DDs face and realising how much she looked like DH was special enough :) can't imagine the moment she arrived being any more special for me. As others have said though, there is no right or wrong answer. You'll always get a 50/50 split in responses to these kinds of questions :)

LolitaLempicka · 10/04/2018 22:37

First was a surprise, second time we found out. In hindsight I think not knowing was more fun!

bathandpjs · 10/04/2018 23:02

If you aren't sure then don't find out. You can always find out at a later date but you can't un-find out.

Flyingchimps · 11/04/2018 01:16

I’m enjoying not knowing! People giving guesses based on ridiculous theories etc! It’s also kept our costs down as I am positive I would have had a whole wardrobe picked out if we knew what it was going to be!!

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