Am I being irresponsible?

[Dudley1711]

I am 4/5 weeks pregnant and 23 yr old. It’s my first baby. I have been unsure whether to have a termination or not but because I am so unsettled about the idea of a termination
I am going to keep this baby.
When I told my mum she said I was being completely irresponsible. I am not financially stable, I’m unsure where we’d live as my partners place is not necessarily ideal for a baby.
Everything on paper just seems irresponsible and not the right time etc but I just can’t go through with a termination. I know it would be difficult but it wouldn’t be completely impossible.
I’m just upset that I’ll have to go through this pregnancy etc with everybody thinking it’s a bad idea me having this child.
Has anyone been through the same kind of feelings??
Am I being irresponsible?
Thanks

You're not being irresponsible. You've thought about termination and decided it's not for you. That's your choice.

23 isn't a teenager...you're old enough to make a choice. Your situation may not be ideal but you know that and can make steps to alter it.

What's wrong with your partners' current accommodation?

Are you working? Is he? Where do you live?

Try not to worry about whatever anybody else thinks, it's a massive decision to terminate and one that I wouldn't feel happy about either. You know that things aren't ideal so like @AjasLipstick said, you can work towards changing that. Not everyone manages to have the ideal situation going on when they fall pregnant, if you want to keep the baby you can work through most of the things to get the best possible for them.
I hope you feel more positive soon xx

I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant at 19, I turned my life around for her and I haven’t regretted it for a single moment. She’s made me who I am today and I’m enormously proud of her (and my self) for the wonderful young woman she’s become. It’s your body, your baby, your decision. If your mum cares about you she won’t stay mad for long, sounds like she just wants the best for you. When it was me, this bit felt horrible and frightening but, if you decide to keep it, you’ve got a lot of excitement to come. You’ve got family who seem to care, you’re not a kid, you’ve got a partner and you seem to be giving this really responsible thought- there’s worse ways to bring a life into the world! But you have to be sure you want a baby, not just that you’re frightened of a termination- if that’s the case do some research into what it entails and talk to a professional who will put your mind at rest, there’s also adoption. If you do want the baby- Congratulations

Thank you so much everyone.
My partners flat has the smallest kitchen and bath etc is not great. Wouldn’t be ideal for a baby really but I will just do whatever it takes to make it work. I really understand what you mean about the fear of having a termination vs actually wanting the baby. The process of the termination doesn’t scare me it’s just a gut feeling I have I don’t want to get rid of it. When you have everyone telling you you’re being irresponsible and it’s not fair on bringing a child into the world with not a lot of money etc it just makes you feel awful.

@Ajaslipstick
I’m working and he is working and is a deputy manager in retail. He has a good job and mines pretty good too. I’m currently living with my uncle renting a room but I know that would not be ideal situation living wise. Me and my partner are going to have to organise something very soon.

So you’ll prove them wrong, a lot of happy families have started out with a lot less. I was terrified of telling my grandad and he just said ‘you’re not the first and you won’t be the last pet, when’s our little one coming?’ If you’ve made up your mind try and enjoy your lovely news with your partner without worrying what other people think. It might reassure your mum if you can make a plan of what you’re going to do to be ready for the baby, but don’t let her spoil it for you. She’s going to be a Grandma, once she’s over the shock and sees you happy she’ll come around to the idea.

As a community midwife I have done visits to families in grotty bedsits and b&b rooms. No they aren’t ideal but babies cope with a lot worse than a small flat!

Op I don’t think you are irresponsible at all. If you want to have this baby then it is your body, your life and your choice. I just wondered if it’s possible they are using you ‘being irresponsible’ as a euphemism for the relationship being unstable?

Is you partner in this with you? Are you sure? Is he responsible? Does he understand what being a parent entails? It does seem men oftentimes more than women expect life to continue as it was before, after babies are born.

Hypothetically, are you strong enough (and financially secure enough) to do this on your own if he lets you down? The answer to that has to be yes or you are trapping yourself with a man before your relationship has even developed to living together.

Does he treat you well? What are his family values? Do you share parenting values? Do you have a similar vision for how you want the future to look/what you want to work towards?

But ultimately, as I said at the start, this is YOUR decision.

I'm due any day now and also 23. Myself and partner live in a small one bed flat and sometime also have his daughter stay over weekends, things will work themselves out :-) we're not planning on moving for another year or so as we simply don't have the funds, again our jobs are pretty average. It'll be a bit of a squeeze for a year but everything will be fine.... Congratulations btw! X

Thank you so much everyone.
Another thing to mention is I recently got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and my family think this is down to that. And my decision is black and white. But I guess only I know. I understand why they’d be worried it would make me worse of whatever but I fact I feel like I already am bettering myself. It puts a lot of things into perspective.
I honestly can’t szplain how much this has helped me. I really appreciate everyone’s responses and taking the time to reply. I guess only I know how I’ll cope and manage and what deep down I really want. I will make this work for myself and most importantly for my child. I know that it will be loved and I will ensure I’m a positive role model for them and still do everything I planned on doing just in a different way.
Thanks again xxx

You're not irresponsible at all. Irresponsible is having a baby and neglecting the baby, which believe me people older than you have done!
You are 23 op, you're an adult. You are quite capable of being a fantastic mum and making this work. Age is just a number. I was 20 when I fell pregnant with my first, and I'd like to think I've done a fab job bringing him up so far

Oh my life! You’re NOT being irresponsible in the slightest!!! You’ve thought about your options and made a decision.
Ok the situation isn’t ideal but there’s millions of people that get pregnant and have situations they need to work out. You’ve got time to make plans etc. A lot of people would say they got pregnant and it wasn’t the right time but you’ll work it out.
Your Mum probably just worries about you and does love you so wants to protect you xx