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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Drug testing during labour

48 replies

Rooroo1012 · 06/04/2018 21:00

My partner and I have just had our first midwife consultation and we have been honest with her reading my partner cannabis use.

I’ve been told today by a friend that the hospital can request my partner take a drug test upon arrival to the hospital while during labour, if he refuses he may not be allowed to be there for the birth.

Has anyone else heard of this and is it true?

OP posts:

Original poster

Rooroo1012 · 06/04/2018 21:36

Thanks everyone for the advice.
Some close friends have said to think of plan B birthing partner and I think you are all right on that one. He’s not the father to my ds and he’s gone through a lot, I won’t allow him to do it all over again with this new child. Like I said, last night anxiety attack was my breaking point after 5 years of
Trying to make things work.

OP posts:

Brendaofbeechhouse · 06/04/2018 21:42

Social services will not give a flying fuck about your partner smoking a bit of weed. Most you will get is a little 'chat' from the hv advising you not to smoke in the house. Trust me on this one.

Wolfiefan · 06/04/2018 21:45

He has MH issues.
You get "wrath"
He won't stay off an illegal drug for long enough to be sure of being at the birth?
TBH I would be telling him to stay away and ensuring supervised visits only.

Wolfiefan · 06/04/2018 21:47

Sorry the MH thing was only relevant as it is a BAD idea to combine depression etc and smoking dope.
Just re read and it sounded like nobody with MH illnesses (like me!) should be allowed near their kids.

Bluebirdsky · 06/04/2018 21:51

I would definitely start to have a think about if there is anyone else you might like with you when you are in labour who would be there only for you and provide you with the support you need. Most labour wards allow two birth partners in at a time so it doesn't mean that he couldn't come in but might take the pressure off of you both and mean that you can just forgot about him and concentrate on yourself if he doesn't step up.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 06/04/2018 21:53

I've seen folks out their tits on heroin in nicu/scbu. Obviously the staff knew and would intervene if/when needed.

Get rid of him op, the faster the better!

Shrimpi · 06/04/2018 22:39

Well done for being honest with the midwife! It is also really brave of you to call quits on a relationship that wasn't working for you.

I imagine a "social" note re baby's dad's cannabis use will be in your file, but the safeguarding team will not be overly concerned providing you are the caregiver and your home is safe. Possibly the safeguarding team would be more involved if dad had unsupervised access or was caregiving for the baby. It is not safe for him to provide care for the baby on his own if he is intoxicated with cannabis for example - but it doesn't sound like the arrangement you were planning! Social services involvement is mainly about monitoring, and offering the right advice and support to parents "at risk". Don't worry that your baby will be taken away!!! If you have questions about what level of safeguarding/social involvement there is for your pregnancy/baby then you can always ask your midwife. There is not reason for them not to be open with you about it.

I don't think should make the decision to put dad on the birth certificate or not based on a concern re: social services. Really what matters is whether anyone around the baby could pose a danger to them or a caregiver is being neglectful - not who the legal parents are.

I'm not familiar with drug tests being done carried out on dads/visitors on labour wards. Maybe it is a possibility at your booking hospital but it doesn't sound very practical?! If he was intoxicated (or if for any reason you wanted him to leave) then he would be asked to leave. It is possible that you might be asked to provide a urine sample for toxicology. This is to ensure that you are not taking any substances that could cause withdrawal in the baby. Don't take it personally if that happens!

ibicus · 06/04/2018 22:57

I don't know if they'd test him, but I was honest stupidly and I got tested the whole way through first positive and then all negative. Anyone else thinking of telling them. Just don't is my advice. I had a social worker and my unborn child did (other reasons too). Luckily I don't anymore but yes they can test you. I think it's more about the mother though so just stay away for the smoke I'd stopped smoking atleast 6 weeks before (when I found out I was pregnant) and it still came back positive. I think it can detect tiny amounts although I had been smoking a lot. I really don't think it's the end of the world if he smokes in the evening if he's still a nice and functioning human being. Some people drink and some people smoke. I've always preferred smoking. I'm sure most of the anti cannabis posters drink. I personally think that's worse. It's just the fact it's illegal.

stolemyusername · 06/04/2018 23:12

Personally I would keep him as far away from me and the baby as possible especially if he is causing you to have anxiety attacks.

I'd be suggesting to him that he needs to get the support of his GP, off the weed and some help for his MH before he comes within arms reach of the baby. I'd also be asking for your midwifes support to keep him away. Do you have someone else that can support you through the birth?

ibicus · 06/04/2018 23:23

I agree if he's causing you anxiety attacks that's not okay.

gryffen · 07/04/2018 01:41

I actually have heard of this and it was down to a member of our group in 2014 and he repeatedly picked up his partner from the hospital stinking of weed etc.
Midwives informed wife that a police officer would be in attendance on her admittance and he would need to pass a swab test to be allowed entry due to vulnerable adults and children etc.

As someone who has 10+ years of security experience in major sporting events and football, public events and concerts etc - i know what im looking for in people but midwives and medical staff would litterly have to call for support and that would distress everyone if restraints were used in the unit.

Do what YOU need to do to keep YOU and BABY safe and if he cant stop smoking the joints for 6+ weeks it can take to come out body fully then you have your answer to decide on.

wishing you all the best :)

achangeisasgoodasabreakdown · 07/04/2018 02:02

My friends now ex husband was removed by hospital security. He was very very drunk, driving, parked the car in the ambulance bay, refused to move it, and became highly aggressive with the midwife. Security took him to their office, moved his car, and called him a taxi. He came back two days later complaining that the taxi was 60.

I think in most cases, they let it slide unless there's aggression, anxiety, or something that would make them intervene.

Although I am very much pro medical marijuana, I do agree that what you're describing isn't light, or recreational use. Did his temper align with his smoking, or is it something he's always had a problem with? 'five years of trying to make things work' doesn't sound like weed is the only issue.

KendalMintCakey · 07/04/2018 08:52

BifWif a neighbour of mine fosters a child who's mother was on that crap. Poor thing has been freed for adoption. County I live in is keen on adoption. Child's a poppet. You'd have been surprised the Mum was smart, clean and attentive n she still lost child.

Using recreational drugs is always a concern. Parent of mine worked in Child Protection.

KendalMintCakey · 07/04/2018 08:54

I agree with the pro medical use. It helps people in the US a lot.

Original poster

Rooroo1012 · 07/04/2018 08:58

I managed to speak to him last night.
Two things I’ve asked him to do.
Get help for his anger (he’s always had it but the smoke I feel makes it worse)
And quit the smoke but not for me, for his unborn child.
The conversation on his part didn’t go down too well.
He wants to do it his way but that doesn’t include quitting the smoke.
I’m going to let everything sink into his brain for a few days before bringing it up again.
I’ve also told him that if I don’t see some improvement in the next two week then I don’t want him at our 12 weeks scan, I’ve refused to give him date and time until he makes changes.
I don’t like having full control like this but I have to think of the bigger picture which be clearly isn’t doing. I just hope I’m making the right choices. Everyone’s advice on here has been brilliant and has given me the confidence I think I needed in order to confront him. Thank you so much for the support.

OP posts:

Hypermice · 07/04/2018 08:59

Two joints a night is a level at which it builds up and will be in his system constantly- he will test positive unless he’s laid off it for several weeks pre birth. You can assume he will fail the test.
What you need is to concentrate on yourself - you need a birth partner you can count on and real life support around the birth. Longer term an aggressive drug user is not someone you want in your baby or your life - but first set up that support for the birth.

Original poster

Rooroo1012 · 07/04/2018 09:02

Another thing he said last night is that he would quit from now until the baby is born.
What he’s not understanding is that I don’t need him to do it for me, he needs to do it for our kids so quitting should be a permanent long term thing.
This is his first child as he’s not biological dad to my ds. Thought he’d put his baby before drugs.

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 07/04/2018 09:05

I work in this area and I’ve never heard of this; if they feel his behaviour is inappropriate or he’s heavily under the influence then they may ask him to leave but they tend to be more focused on the Mum then checking out the state of the dad.
I would imagine in the early days you won’t want to be parted from your newborn baby so you being present when he sees the baby makes sense then as time goes on you can make a decision regarding further supervision

Original poster

Rooroo1012 · 07/04/2018 09:05

@Hypermice that’s next on my list to arrange a new birth partner.
My mum was there for my first however she isn’t best pleased about my situTion so my support there has dwindled.
My neighbour is my best friend and has said I can count on her for everything.
I’m going to call MW on Monday and hope to get some advice from her too
.

OP posts:

Grandmaswagsbag · 07/04/2018 09:07

I don’t think it’s just the weed causing his problems. I know plenty of people who smoke It daily and they are very high functioning/professional/pleasant people (I know there are different types and some are a lot more dangerous to use). Granted most of them are single and the ones that have kids did cut down a lot. I’d be wary of thinking ‘if he just stopped he’d be a better person’ it sounds like there could be many many other issues with him.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 07/04/2018 10:38

I would definitely be against the weed, but I think the aggression is a much greater concern.

I would choose a birth partner you can rely on to trust and support you - your aggressive ex who may well be high does f sound like that person to me. And I'd also protect myself from him during the pregnancy and my child's life as much as possible.

BangingOn · 07/04/2018 11:07

Well done for being so strong and making it clear that you won’t stand for this behaviour. It must be really tough for you and I imagine being pregnant is making you feel vulnerable, but you’re putting your children first.

thingymaboob · 07/04/2018 11:18

@Rooroo1012 drug testing is absolute nonsense. I work in a hospital trust with a large obstetrician lead unit. Weed stays in the system for ages so it's not even a reliable indicator. The hospital cannot stop him from coming unless he's a danger to you or others or you request that he's not there. Do you know how many parents are addicted to heroin / crack / speed etc? They won't give a shit about him being in the room and won't do a drug test but they will remove him or ask him to leave if he's obviously high and causing problems.

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