Feeling Fed Up

[CJ1990]

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted a bit of a vent..I’m 18 weeks and just so tiered of being worried. Before the 12 weeks it was that there would be no baby, then the 16 week appointment I was worried there would be no heartbeat and now I’m 18 weeks and have not felt any form of movement at all and now I’m terrified about that.

I’m just so down about worrying all the time :( I’m now convinced that the heartbeat has stopped, but i have no reason to think that except the fact that I haven’t felt movement but i no that’s no unusual at 18 weeks.

Just don’t know how to get myself out of this cycle of negative thoughts. Im usually so upbeat. Anyone who’s feeling the same, or any advise, would be appreciated!

Hi @CJ1990 you've just described most of my pregnancy! I was worried about everything you said, then I was worried about the anomaly scan, then if movement had reduced, then the birth etc etc etc.

I realised when I was about 30 weeks that when DS arrived, I'd also have plenty to worry about while he was a newborn: jabs and sleeping and if he was feeding okay and if his nappies were normal and then developmental milestones and weight gain and weaning...

I figured I'd not enjoy any of the time I spent with him if I worried about everything and also realised that I would go slowly mad if I obsessed over every little thing. I'm not saying it was easy but I had a firm word with myself and practiced just putting any negative thoughts out of my head. Instead of fixating on the high rate of stillbirth in the UK, for example, I'd force myself to picture his nursery and all of his lovely things in it.

It took a while and now that he's 5 months old, I still worry about some things but I'm much better at just changing the thoughts in my head: ultimately, you're the only person who has control over what you're thinking! This is a pretty stressful time though so don't beat yourself up but try and enjoy it!

Thank you @Teachervoice :) I think I need to try some for positive thinking / thought process change!

Give it a go and remember that statistically, everything will be fine. There will be moments where things aren't good but then what? You'll cope and you'll deal with them!

If you can't cope, there are people to help you develop coping strategies!

You could always mention this to your Midwife too as pre-natal depression can cause you to feel very anxious.

Sending you lots of

I didn't feel movement until almost 26 weeks I think, doctor wasn't concerned since it's my first pregnancy.

I spent most of my pregnancy worried too because there was a high risk of losing her early on.

I wish there was some magical advice I could share on easing that but it just seems like both a stressful and happy time...But most stressful.

Hi CJ1990 I’m in exactly the same boat as you! Im currently 15weeks with my 2nd and I worry so much aswell! I recently had a very early mc at 5wks before this pregnancy that has made me worry like hell despite getting this far. Its so draining and is stressing me out because I just want to enjoy it. I worried about my first scan which went absolutely fine and now im worried about if theres still a heartbeat too as my next scan is in around 4weeks. Im even tempted to buy a fetal doppler but I don’t necessarily think thats a great idea either and could lead me to becoming obsessive with it. I think what we should do is just try and enjoy it forget about the negativity and what ifs and just enjoy the pregnancy. It is such a huge blessing being able to conceive and we are very lucky to have everything going well so far! Just relax keep busy but also rest aswell. I try just forget about it now lol obviously I’m still careful and know when im over doing things and need to rest but I just don’t want the worry to consume me anymore. Congrats with your pregnancy hun you’ll be fine don’t worry x

I remember when I was pregnant with my first and asked my mum when the worrying would stop, she just said 'it doesn't, you just learn to live with it'. She was right. My DD is four now and still worry but I just have to get on with it or it will consume me and I would never let her leave the house. Like the other post has said when you start worry try focusing on something else, that definitely helps me.

How are you doing @CJ1990?

Hi @Teachervoice that’s really kind of you to check in :) yeah I’m ok thanks! Realised a lot of why I’m so anxious is other people’s comments e.g why aren’t you feeling movement, but your bumps so small how are you nearly 19 weeks! So think I just need to only talk to a set few people about my pregnancy :) x

@CJ1990 oh god, yeah! And don't be afraid to be rude either. I was absolutely massive: apparently as big as my mum at full term when I was 6 months pregnant, and a lady at work literally mentioned it every day. She meant well but I was sick with worry before every Midwife appointment that I'd be measuring too far ahead and need scans etc. I measured two weeks ahead for the whole pregnancy and then had a 9lb baby but I did have to ask her in the end to stop commenting on my size because it was making me worried.

@Teachervoice yep exactly! Someone kindly said to me this week you might not be feeling movement at 19 weeks as your baby maybe not growing right... Make sure you get them to check everything at your 20 week scan...why would you say that to someone?! So rude..!

@CJ1990 that's incredibly rude! Amazing how so many people have all this medical knowledge, isn't it?
When is your 20 week scan?

@Teachervoice week on Friday :)

@CJ1990 brilliant! Something to look forward to. Are you going to find out the sex?

I’m 20 weeks yesterday and have not felt movement. This is my first baby. Had scan yesterday and they said I have anterior placenta so won’t feel anything till around 25 weeks! So don’t worry you could just have a placenta that’s blocking all the movements or the baby has too much room to stretch out haha