Unplanned pregnancy

[Kaitke]

Hi there,

I'm reaching out in hopes of finding a bit of support, I'm feeling very anxious and lonely and have so many questions!

I did a test 2 days ago and it was positive, although a week ago I did lots of tests (after I noticed I'd missed period) and they were all negative. Doc has confirmed I am.

I want the baby, just was a complete shock. I'm financially not in a position to have a baby at all, and my fiance and I had a huge row the day before I tested and he moved out. He's never done anything like that but he took all his things and left. He now says he's sorry and wants to talk and come back, but I am terrified because he promised never to leave me and then just did!

He doesn't know I'm pregnant and I don't want to tell him until I'm sure he actually wants to come back, but it's a horrible way to start the life of a child, with fights and me being so lonely and scared (we live somewhere I know noone, I'm desperate to move back to where all my friends and family live, but haven't had the money to do it yet).

I can't sleep at all, and am sick and dizzy, and doc said my blood pressure is quite high and to try and calm down - am finding it very hard to be calm at all because of the fight and him leaving and all the uncertainty, I just feel scared and it's the worst time to be alone.

How do I work out my due date from the negative then the positive tests? Can that help work it out? My periods were irregular and I wasn't noting them down because I had no plans to be pregnant. I have put on a lot of weight, can I try and lose some during pregnancy to be healthier for the baby? I work in performing arts and am terrified I wont be able to work again, I love the idea of being a mum but it's going to be such a huge change (I know it is for everyone, silly thing to say!) and I just feel so shocked and worried. I want to be healthy and positive for the baby, but I don't know how to feel more secure in this state.

Please help, please if you know how I can get some support, or how to join a group of other expectant mums, or to talk to women who've had babies already? I don't know what I'm doing.

Sorry this is so long!

Can your family help you out with money to move back/can they put you up until you get on your feet?

Totally understand not wanting to tell your OH after his outburst, who knows how he’ll react but you will have to at some stage of course... I think if you say “we need to talk” a lot of men jump to the conclusion you’re pregnant anyway so you don’t even have to say it.

It’s not advised to actively try to lose weight during pregnancy but of course eating a healthy diet and keeping active is all brilliant for you and the baby.

As for dating the pregnancy, it can be difficult with irregular cycles. It’s dated from the first day of your last period so you need to try and remember when that was and there’s online calculators. You will be scanned at around 12 weeks which will confirm dates.

Congratulations, you will cope just fine I’m sure

Firstly congratulations! I know things are scary right now and not perfect, but they rarely are when you discover you're pregnant, you have most likely at least 8 months+ to get prepared.

You really need to take things one at a time. You have plenty of time and don't need to solve everything right now. Which problem is the most immediate to you? Choose that and focus. Maybe a right a list of things you need to sort so you can keep track without everything spinning around in your head.

Babies don't need to cost much, buy secondhand and you'll save so much money. Babies don't care if their things are brand new and fancy, and it's lovely knowing their things have been loved before. You can use the entitled to calculator to see what help you'll be entitled to get when baby is here. Don't stress about needing benefits, you'll pay back your share and hopefully more when the baby is older and you're able to get working again.

It will all be ok, you have lots of hard choices to make and it might be difficult at times. But it will also be a lovely, rewarding journey. You'll do amazing!

Sorry to hear things are difficult, @Kaitke

I think PP is right, you'll need to tell him at some point - it might be better to just get it over with? After all, he did have a part to play in falling pregnant!

Hope it all works out, can your family provide any support?

Congratulations though! 👶

Have you spoken to your family? They may really embrace you and give you the support you need.

Thank you so much for kind words and the advice - just reading your messages a few times has calmed me down. I've since told my Mum and she's been great, and I met with my fiance and waited to tell him until after he'd apologised and explained why he left and why he wanted to come back, so that when I told him I was pregnant I knew he wanted to be with me. He was shocked but has been supportive, mostly he's worried about financial and where to live aspects, but he's said if it's important for me to move home then he'll support that, so hopeuflly we can move back there... Hopefully now we'll be a better team and can move on with everything and prepare for baby coming! Thank you again for your kindness, it wont be forgotten - special women!! xx

Wonderful news!

Hey!
I’m 23 and completely find myself in a very similar position to yourself. I just keep remembering that it will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in life but it’s not impossible. Don’t worry about what anybody thinks jusf so what feels right for you. Congratulations xxzx