How can I help DH understand I'm not coping?

[jamoncrumpets]

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and it's not been a great pregnancy. I have HG and day-to-day I just about manage. I've recently started getting heartburn, morning diarrhoea and a lot of tiredness. I've been checked out by midwife and consultant - I'm fine, just one of those things.

DH is absolutely fed up of me 'not being up to' things. We make plans to do nice things but I often just can't manage them. I understand why he feels this way, god knows I feel it too. Today we planned to go out to a nearby town about 45 mins away and have lunch, it's DH's birthday. I've had two bouts of diarrhoea, I feel woozy and sick. Im the only driver so it'd be on me to get us there and back. DH is rightly disappointed and has told me 'You shouldn't have got my hopes up'

I just don't know how to help him understand how difficult this is. We have a DS and I do the lion's share of his care. I'm just trying to get through to delivery when I can start to feel normal again.

I have read your other threads. Honestly, I think your husband is not interested in understanding or supporting you.

I think you have some tough decisions to make and need to focus on what support you can find outside of your marriage.

I am so sorry for you.
I had hyperemesis all the way through all my pregnancies. It is hell on earth.

I completely understand your husband being disappointed but he needs to try and understand you’re not exactly having much fun either.

I’m in a similar position in that I’m really not fit to go anywhere, and I’m only 17 weeks. I keep saying to my DH that this isn’t how I wanted things to be, but the entire focus is on having a healthy baby. Therefore if us enduring 5/6 mths of boredom and misery is the cost of that, so be it.

Could you maybe do something for his birthday in the house? My DH birthday is in 10 days and I said while I’d love to take him out to a restaurant, perhaps I could ring the take away and he could pick it up!

The end is in sight for you both, chin up!

He's an adult, you shouldn't need to help him understand. He should just know

I've just looked at your other threads too OP and honestly your partner is a horrible man.

You should start planning how to get rid of him rather than explaining to him things that would be clear to any normal man.

The fact that your husband doesn't "get" how you're feeling isn't because you've failed to explain it to him properly, it's because he doesn't want to hear you. He doesn't want to hear you because he's selfish and wants everything his own way.

I agree with a pp, I think you need to start having a serious think about whether you want to stay in this relationship. He's never going to give you the support you're looking for so is there anyone else who could support you?

Good luck OP, take care of yourself.

Is there a medical reason why you are the only driver? If not maybe suggest that he learns to drive too that way he won't be reliant on you and can make his own way around without you 'getting his hopes up'.

DH can't drive because of sight issues.

Just wanted to update. Things came to even more of a head in the last 48 hours. My health really took a turn for the worst. DH pulled his socks up and held it together. I've been seen by both GP and midwife. I've been referred to the perinatal mental health team. My stomach/gut issues are being treated and monitored.

DH realises now how much I was struggling.

I'm having a very lazy week at home with DS and CBeebies.