I want a baby so bad and my husband keeps moving the goal post

[Turnerlady]

I’ve been married now for 3 years... when me and my husband first got together he knew I was very keen on having a baby. I’ve always wanted one.. first I was told that he wanted to get married before we had a baby.. then we got married.. then it was “I want to go on one last holiday” ..we whent on that holiday ... then it was “no we can’t afford it” bear in mind HE has two very expensive cars in his garage but apparently that’s his money and nothing to do with me.. even though we are husband and wife... now I’ve got to wait until I’m in my 30’s ... but is that next goal post going to be moved? I love my husband ... but I really want a baby... I feel it’s not going to happen... recently been diagnosed with a tilted womb trying to get the coil which I don’t want to have .. but that’s what he wants .. we haven’t had sex in two months now because he is scared he will get me pregnant. Someone please help me and tell me that everything will be okay? I’m so sad... so unhappy because I want a baby and I’m so scared I will turn 30 and be told I’m going to have to wait longer 😭. I feel so alone

This is a sad situation that you are in op, I am not sure about the dynamics of your marriage here at all.. don't ever say that you are naive and weak at all, as you know what you would like, as having a child. It is your husband who seems to have issues, and you need to talk to him about this. if he will listen to you that is..

Its sounds like he is just a bit cavalier about all things. as in just what he likes to have and do. so not a good attitude no way. You are the only person who can read into what he will be like now, and maybe forever, so you have to go with how you feel about all things, if talking is going to go nowhere.

You are very sad now as you say, but will be even sadder if this situation continues for much longer. Hope you will be able to deal with everything and get sorted somehow.

Do you want a baby or do you want to have a family with this man? I’m ‘hearing’ one of those things but not the other.

All I hear from OP is what she wants. What does your husband want?

Sounds to me like you are pressuring him too much. 27 is still young nowadays, why the rush? Enjoy your time together as a couple before having kids.

I got married because i wanted to have a baby and OH said he wanted to get married 1st. 6 months later I wanted to start trying for a bsby but sex was not forthcoming. We separated and now are divorced. I've had a baby with someone else.

I'd say he doesn't sound like a great person to have a baby with.

27 is neither old nor young to have a baby.

I would say from your description, however, that your relationship is in trouble. You are not having sex, you have different financial and life goals and are not sharing your finances effectively. You are unhappy, he doesn't sound too happy either, and you are taking it out on each other. He sounds as if he doesn't think your desire for a baby is real, which makes me think he doesn't feel the same and may never do so.

You need to start standing up for yourself. There is nothing wrong with wanting a baby, now or previously, even if you didn't tell him clearly before. There's also nothing wrong with wanting a car, but not at your partner's expense without their agreement. Just to say, as well, that if you do agree to part, you may find the longing for a baby is actually less overwhelming when you are not living with a partner in a home together - it's easier to be patient when you are just getting on with life yourself.

I would not consider having a baby with a man you’re married too who says it’s ‘his money’ and is buying expensive cars when you can’t afford a hair cut. Your money should be joint in a marriage, he is not a partner to you. What do you see in such a selfish man?

You’ve been married 3 years and were always open about wanting kids soon, this isn’t new information to him. I also don’t think he wants a baby and has married you under false pretences. I would say be clear with him that this is a deal breaker for you now, but I’d fear he might actually have a child with you and you’d be stuck with a man who is selfish with his money and won’t support you. How do you think his attitude to money would change when you had kids? Who pays for them? Would he support you working less if needed? Nothing you’ve said suggests he sees your marriage as a partnership.

I think that you should ask for this thread to be moved to the relationships board. You will get much more support there. I agree that you are being financially abused.

A marriage should be a partnership. This isn't. Having a baby is a huge strain on any relationship - it sounds like if you managed to convince him to have a baby it would break the marriage apart anyway, or at least make everyone bloody miserable.

27 isn't too young for a baby but do you know what? It's not too old to cut this jerk out of your life and start again with someone who wants what you want either. Cut ties now. There's no shame in it; you want different things and that's fine.

You sound so unhappy OP. Marriage shouldn't make you miserable.