Unexpected 3rd Pregnancy

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Shit shit shit. I have a just turned 3 year old, a recently turned 1 year old, and I've just found out I'm pregnant with #3. I'm not sure on dates as I was still breastfeeding and having irregular periods, but I suspect about 6 weeks (got a 3+ on a Clear Blue Digital). I have a Drs appt for today to get a referral for a scan/ bloods.

I'm 38 in a week, and I've only just gone back to work part time.

We'd discussed having three but agreed we were done at 2 - we have no family nearby and the thought of having a child who has reflux/ other health issues/ just doesn't sleep made me realise I couldn't be the mother I'd want to be if I had a third who needed extra. And any thoughts of a third were also based on having a child towards the end of next year so it would be just before my eldest went to school - having 3 under 4 years old was definitely never an option we considered.

I'm torn between thinking we can do this (car and house size is no issue, money would be tight but manageable with lifestyle changes) and convincing myself that if we have #3 we're almost guaranteed a child with autism or some other severe health issue and I couldn't cope.

I had NIPT testing with the other two, and would this time as well but that only shows up chromosomal issues. I'm scared that I've already been lucky conceiving easily and having 2 (touch wood) healthy children that any further roll of the dice and my luck would run out.

I'm open to termination, we just have to decide. Husband is on board with whatever I choose. We are both still in shock at this stage.

I know how babies are made, I know how to prevent a pregnancy. This was just a stupid accident and our own fault.

I don't know what I want from this thread, just a vent/ rant/ thinking out loud to internet strangers. I know only I can make the decision in the end

I had those gaps, and those misgivings (though am a little younger) and my third is now 15 months. It is finally easier. And life is more wonderful than I thought. Yup, I was worried and sad about being a shit mum, and some days have been so difficult- but also I’ve really seen my family become closer and three isn’t much harder/expensive than two.

I totally understand how you feel- but as much as you’re thinking of the draw backs, there are many advantages to having three.

I am lying here wide awake because I have my 12 week scan today for my unplanned 3rd child (condoms were used and no accidents). I feel sick. I thought I'd got my head around it but I really haven't. House and car fine but money is a concern. Thought we'd be ok but have financially taken a massive hit this month and my career is slowly going down the toilet (insane work pressure in job I hate).

I feel such pressure at having this child (because here we are at 12 weeks and I just knew I couldn't have an abortion) and am full of anxiety. I know however, it will be loved and DH tells me it will all be ok in the end. I feel sick at her prospect of telling my family who will worry about our financial stability and mental capacity for another child.

You are very much not alone. Web had also talked about a third and did want one, but we'd also decided against one for all of the above reasons. Yet here we are. My mistake was not processing it when I found out. I just went along with it, like it was happening regardless and accepting it. Actually I needed to think it all through but I didn't. I did the whole "isn't this wonderful I'm pregnant" thing and forgot that at the end there would be a baby.

So my advice to you is to think about it and talk to your DH. Even if you know you can't abort like I did, talk, talk and talk some more.

This is a big shock but it can also be a happy one (I just need to get my head around it!).

I am lying here wide awake because I have my 12 week scan today for my unplanned 3rd child (condoms were used and no accidents). I feel sick. I thought I'd got my head around it but I really haven't. House and car fine but money is a concern. Thought we'd be ok but have financially taken a massive hit this month and my career is slowly going down the toilet (insane work pressure in job I hate).

I feel such pressure at having this child (because here we are at 12 weeks and I just knew I couldn't have an abortion) and am full of anxiety. I know however, it will be loved and DH tells me it will all be ok in the end. I feel sick at her prospect of telling my family who will worry about our financial stability and mental capacity for another child.

You are very much not alone. Web had also talked about a third and did want one, but we'd also decided against one for all of the above reasons. Yet here we are. My mistake was not processing it when I found out. I just went along with it, like it was happening regardless and accepting it. Actually I needed to think it all through but I didn't. I did the whole "isn't this wonderful I'm pregnant" thing and forgot that at the end there would be a baby.

So my advice to you is to think about it and talk to your DH. Even if you know you can't abort like I did, talk, talk and talk some more.

This is a big shock but it can also be a happy one (I just need to get my head around it!).

Thank you Scarydinosaurs (sounds exactly like my 3 year old) and MaverickSnoopy.

Yes I think "talking talking talking" to make sure we know exactly what we are thinking and how we are feeling is definitely the best option, while we still have the time to do so.

I know we could have this third, and we'd get by (though I'm wondering how on earth I'd ever get back to work!) but logically (and if I only went with my head) I'd not continue with this. But it's impossible to make a decision like this using only your head so I'm still just going round and round, flipping between what the best thing to do is.

DH is very much on board with either decision, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I'm actually thinking of seeing a counsellor to try and get some perspective on it. I just never ever expected to be in this position and felt like a stupid schoolgirl getting pregnant accidentally when I took the test yesterday.

Seeing a counsellor is a very good idea. I had a termination 10 years ago and they offered me a counsellor back then, I'm not sure if the service still exists.

I didn't make the decision to keep our 3rd. I just didn't think about it and just assumed we wouldn't terminate. I sort of floated along with it all. But I know for a fact that it was very much heart over head and that if I'd thought about it more, I probably would have come to the conclusion to terminate. Whether I would have though would have been another matter.

Don't feel stupid. These things happen. Learn from it and move forwards. In the end, whatever you decide, it will be ok.

Breathe. This child although unexpected could bring you the happiest moments of your life. You have just found out, you do need some time to adapt to the new situation which wasn't your plan A. In the end you will be fine.