Feeling a bit upset about going from 1 to 2

[Buglife]

Lying in bed with DS having a lazy morning. He’s 3 and a half. Lots of cuddles and kisses and laughing and saying we love each other. Suddenly feel very sad that in just over 3 months his little brother will be here and these mornings will be very different. He’s being very sweet, just told me the baby was kicking because he needs mummy to look after him, saying he’ll help with the baby brother. But his world will be really impacted and I hate the idea of not being there for him when he needs me all the time! He starts Reception in September (late summer baby) and I am happy that he had his baby, toddler and preschool years with us alone, but with that, the baby and we are moving house in June, I feel like I’m exploding his world! I worry about being able to give him any time with a newborn being so absorbing, and neither DH or I want to end up me default parenting the baby and him parenting DS. He’s a vet hands on father but works full time and commutes so not always around, also I’m terrified of having a bottle refuser so I’ll be stuck exclusively breastfeeding and never be able to nip out with DS1 for a few hours and give him some 1 to 1 time! Will be trying to introduce expressed early on for that reason.

Just a worried whinge really! It suddenly seems impossible to parent two children. And I’ll miss my alone time with DS.

I am worried about this too but I am trying to reassure myself with how lovely it will be for them to have a sibling of a similar age to grow up with.

It's totally normal to have these worries,and I remember actually crying the day before my c-section, knowing that I was about to turn DS' world upside down but in my experience what your DS will gain from having a little brother overshadows any "loss" from having divided attention. In the early newborn days they sleep so much, I think I actually spent MORE time with DS1 than I had previously- before I would have been dipping in and out of games and housework, but when DS2 came along I spent hours on the floor playing with DS1. As your DS2 gets older, DS1 will be so excited to show him new things( park, animals, how he can ride a bike) and nothing makes a baby smile like their older sibling! There will be tough days, (at 10&7 they can swing from best buddies to enemies and back within 5 minutes!) but seeing the bond between them strengthen makes it all worth it! Good luck!

One day you’ll have two dcs that will need you. Yes it’ll be hard but the feeling of snuggling to two dcs and helping them both learn to get on and be kind is all worth it.

My two are 8&6 and it’s lovely (obviously they fight and argue and it was tiring but wouldn’t change it for the world).

All your worries are completely normal. My ds was 4.5 when his baby brother was born. Yes it impacts on their little world but for the better!
Being aware that you need 1-1 time with each child means that you’re ensure that happens,
By the sound of it your ds is excited about the baby arriving. He’ll be a great big brother.

I totally get where you're coming from, I'm feeling the same about impending birth and impact on similarly aged DC1.

I'm hoping that DC2 will take bottles of expressed milk quite early on. DC1 did from 6 days old (out of necessity more than convenience) and it worked brilliantly for us as DH could share the feeding load. Going to try and do similar again. From my experience, friends who had bottle refusers left it a bit too long, but I appreciate my way completely goes against what the Internet says

I'm also just getting my head around this too. We'd settled on an only child so getting my head around two (unplanned pregnancy) is putting me in a bit of a spin. I feel very guilty that his life is going to be so impacted by what I've done. I'm sure there are positives, but I'm failing to see any right now.

Thank you :) I think I do minimise the positive affect of a sibling when I think of all the negatives for DS at the start, the baby needing so much care, the noise of crying, the baby not being able to do much or play for a while. But he will be his brother and he will love him and have a relationship with him for ever! I’m really going to focus on making sure DH and I can share the children equally so I can still do some bedtimes with DS (I still lie in his bed with him while he falls asleep ) and not just be “mummy with the baby”. DH is going to have 8 weeks paternity which will be very useful over summer holidays!

Nerner definitely going to try a bottle earlier this time, I don't want breastfeeding to be like it was last time.

wellthis we were set on one child until about a month before conception! I spent Christmas vomiting and dealing with 3 year old tantrums and feeling I’d made a huge mistake. I had to rethink our whole future as a family of 4. But now I’m 26 weeks I am happy and we are moving to a lovely bigger home and aside from a few pangs like this I am excited for the baby! DS1 has been amazing about the baby since he found out (although he really doesn’t have much idea of what it entails!)

He will learn to share, and that the world does not revolve around him. He will gain a wee playmate, and years of fun and mischief together.
He will be proud of being the big brother, of doing things the baby can’t yet do.
And he will still have your love and attention. I used to sit DD1 beside me and read her a story while feeding the baby. And being on maternity leave meant I had more time with her anyway.
Don’t overthink it all - you will be fine, all siblings make their own adjustments. Just look forward to your happily enlarging family! Best wishes for a safe delivery and happy future.

Aww, I remember feeling like that. So worried I'd lose my lovely close relationship with my little girl - and that I couldn't possibly love another child the way I love her.

I won't lie, there were some tough moments in the first few months. It was hard, not being able to prioritise DD all the time. I remember going to see the health visitor and just bursting into tears and wailing "I miss my daughter!" Must've seemed odd as she was right next me at the time, but luckily my HV understood what I meant.

But that passes. The baby gets less demanding, and your older child gets used to them. Eventually it just becomes the "new normal" for all of you.

My two are 6 and 3 and great pals. Right now they are sitting in a den they built together reading books (well, DD is reading, DS is looking at pictures and explaining what he thinks is happening in them!)

Good luck. It is an adjustment but it is completely worth it.

I so needed to read this!! My boy is 21 months and I'm due in 5 weeks and so worried about missing my boy already

Been there! My DS was only 20 months when DD was born and I spent quite a bit of my pregnancy worrying I was about to destroy his world. I remember crying about missing my DS once or twice in the early days too, there are some hard moments. BUT we’re 18 months in and nothing brings me more joy than watching their little relationship develop. They’re both so kind and considerate, and they make each other laugh hysterically every day. My DS has gained much more than he lost!

I’m feeling a lot like this too only my son is 10. I am absolutely terrified of the way the baby might change our relationship and his life! But I know deep deep down that it will be fine

I worried a lot as there was a nearly 5 year gap between our two and I thought DD would really understand how much her life had changed. I asked her the other day, now 6 and 18m, if she remembered what it was like before her brother was here, and she says she doesn't!

I have this too :( DS will be just seven when the baby is born and is such a mummy's boy. I haven't told him about the pregnancy yet, so scared of upsetting him. Any tips on how to approach it?