DP wants a boy...

[Latitia]

Ok, so this ISN'T a case that DP will be gutted if we have a girl, but he has a girl already from a previous relationship and it's become glaringly obvious to me that he wants a boy. When we look at baby clothes he goes straight to the boy section. He talks about having a son to play football with. Has only been thinking of boy names. Etc etc.. I'm absolutely sure that the most important thing to him is that baby is healthy, but I can't help but feel this huge pressure because he clearly longs for a boy...

I'm thinking we should find out the sex at scan as this way he can get his head round it if it is a girl. But not sure how to cope with this is I feel like if it is, he will be disappointed.

Has anyone been through similar? Was DP disappointed? Sorry if this seems like a silly thing to worry about, it's just a concern of mine.

@stilltryingstillfailing my thoughts exactly. It's hard, because I would love a boy or a girl! Makes no difference to me. The idea of him being disappointed is really saddening.

At the 20 week scan with our last baby we found out we were having a girl and my partner couldn't hide his disappointment. In fact for the remainder of the pregnancy he couldn't hide his disappointment. She's 5 now and the apple of his eye. He adores her.

This time round were not going to find out the sex. Mainly because dp feels like he wasted all that time being disappointed. As soon as she was born he got over it. It's hard to be disappointed when your beautiful baby is in your arms.

It was the same with a friend of mine. She found out she was having a boy and cried for 3 days! Had her heart set on a girl. Little boy is 2 now and couldn't be more loved.

So from my experience if his heart is set on a boy I wouldn't find out the sex until its born. By that point he shouldnt care what it is.

I'd find out at the scan. In my experience the disappointment is short lived and better to get it out the way before baby is born.

Don't overthink it. The disappointment tends to be short lived. And girls can play ball or ride bikes too ;)

Research shows most men want sons, and are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female. Probably not what you want to hear. I would find out beforehand.

Thanks everyone (apart from @CPtart obviously - very unnecessary). I'm sure he will be excited either way! This may be my issue more than his...

Another vote for not finding out before hand. It would be unusual to be disapointesd when you have a newborn in your arms, whereas he could spend the last months of your pregnancy being disapointed

Thanks @LascellesMoustache - I'm so torn now!

Dh has said that pre kids if someone gave him a choice he would pick boy. We didnt find out. We had a girl and dh was besotted from day one.

We have since gone on to have a son, and he admits if he could now select dc3 it would be girl again.

The beauty of finding out at birth is that he will be so amazed and overwhelmed at becoming a parent that he wont give two hoots about whats between their legs.

Thanks @NapQueen - I'm going to ask him what he wants to do...

That's funny what @NapQueen wrote, reminds me of what my Mam said...

My Mam didn't find out with either me or my younger sister. When she'd gave birth to my sister and it was just my Mam and Dad in the room with her, she said to him, 'there's only us here and you can be honest.. Are you disappointed that we haven't had a boy?' And he replied, 'honestly? I was secretly hoping for another girl '

And he's always adored us both!

If there’s a very definite preference on either side I think you should find out but I would rest assured that it’s highly likely he will be thrilled with whatever he gets on the day. DH and I both wanted daughters and have two but I’m certain too that we would have loved our girls even if they had been boys- and actually my best friend has a son who I dote on and find delightful so it’s clearly true that it’s not about the sex.

CPtart don’t be a bellend.

With our first child DH wanted a boy and he had a bit of a flash of disappointment at the birth when we had a girl. He loved her but I feel like he didn't really bond with her until she was about 9 months and a lot more interesting. She's just over 2 now and they absolutely adore eachother, it's so lovely to witness.

With our second child DH again wanted a boy but his feelings about it were a bit more complex. We're not having a third so if this one was a girl too he would never have a son. He felt a lot of a guilt about having this preference as he loves our little girl so much, he wouldn't want anyone to think he wishes she was a boy, he doesn't.
We decided to find out as he didn't want to experience any disappointment at the birth. We had a boy. He's 3 months old now and again he loves him but hasn't really bonded that much yet, I'm sure it'll come later. It's sort of a relief that he hasn't gone nuts for this boy in a way he didn't for DD. There's not much difference between a girl baby and a boy baby after all.

Don't find out at the scan
We have two girls then a boy ... I felt a bit like Anne Boleyn when pg with the third but still didn't find out as knew from second daughter that there's no way you're ever disappointed by a healthy birth of a baby. However there can be disappointment at scans
Whole thing ridiculous although I was totally shocked by people's reaction to me having a boy after two girls 'you must be so relieved ' 'at last you've got your boy' etc etc so your husband is not unusual in having this preference

Not the same as it was me with the preference, but I'll share.
Dh didn't mind either way if we had a boy or a girl. It was our first baby, and neither of us had children from previous relationships. I had a strong preference for a girl. I would never ever find out the sex until the birth as I feel it ruins the best surprise anyone could have.
We had a boy. Even though I had such a strong preference, I know that if we'd found out at the scans it would of been even harder for me to deal with. All id of had was a picture to go home with. Whereas finding out we had a boy at the birth meant he was right there, on my chest. I was holding him, which I genuinely believe made it easier to deal with, easier to bond.
I'm ashamed to say that yes I did feel disappointed that I didn't get my girl, and I found it hard to accept (especially as 2 other people we know were both expecting girls, and I knew I'd see their daughters and wish I had one). But i dealt with it because I had to because my son needed his mum.
Personally I'd say don't find out. I know a lot of people will say it gives you time to accept it, but I think it's harder to accept a baby that's not born yet than it is to accept a baby that's right there in the room.

@CPtart. Wow! Better watch for my DH doing a runner then as we have two girls. That he adores I may add! 🙄

I am pregnant with #3 and I wasn't sure I wanted to find out this time (did both times previously), but my DH does. He does want a boy and has said he will only be slightly disappointed if it's another girl but wants to get that over with at a scan so he's not disappointed when baby is born

My dp wasn't bothered either way, he said he would have liked a boy but was happy either way... we didn't find out at the scan and he was absolutely ecstatic at the birth when she was a girl.

Equally I wanted a girl, if it was a boy and I found out at the scan i would have been happy but a little bit disappointed, but again at the birth I definitely wouldn't have been disappointed

I think the most important thing is that the baby is healthy... good luck! X