Telling nightmare boss pregnant

[Panda368]

Hi, first time poster here, this may be quite long

Basically I'm sweating over how and when to tell my boss I'm pregnant. I've been intending to leave it until after the first scan on the 20th April - I'll be 13 weeks then but some awkwardly timed London meetings have come up that directly conflict with my booking appointment for blood tests etc and I don't know what to do.

My boss is a living nightmare for many reasons but has already mentioned in passing a few things: that he disagrees with having to let people come back from mat leave - I've heard he's already done this by refusing to let a previous employee come back more that part time (hiring her maternity cover on a full time contract without telling her that she was)
He doesn't get why he has to pay mat leave (even though its only Statutory and I'm sure he can claim this back?)
Asking me and my other female colleague if we think the other is planning on having kids any time soon (separately). He's also asked my other male colleague if he thinks either of us are going to get pregnant. (we all talk when he's out of the office)

He can also be verbally quite bullying (regularly calling us Fucking retards, picking on the other girl calling her a blond bimbo, taking the piss out of accents etc)
There are only 4 of us in the office and there is no HR dept. I also work in quite a niche industry and have heard him badmouthing former designers to customers. I was hoping to try and leave this year but surprise pregnancy has killed that plan.

If anyone has any advise for how best to tell him (I'm tempted to email him tomorrow while he is away for the day to give him some time to digest before I see him face to face.

Also - Advise on how to cover my back incase he attempts to push me out. Is it an idea to record conversations without him knowing etc.

any general encouragement/telling me I'm overreacting with stressy week 9 hormones also appreciated!

He sounds awful OP! Speak to citizens advice? Could you join a union too? I'd email and try and keep it to email so you have a paper trail. And anything he verbally says to you confirm it in email
"I'm emailing to confirm our conversation (date) regarding my mat leave" etc.
Sorry he's such a wanker - he's breaking the law in so many ways x

My boss was like this. I waited until I was 5 months and hid it desperately until then. When I finally walked in to tell him he asked if I was going to keep it!!!
A promotion I was up for predictably went out the window and I was treated like a lower being until I gave birth and felt so terrible I worked until days before I gave birth.
What I will say is I couldn’t give a shit now. I wish I could go back and not care. If they try anything know your rights. I wish to god I could go back now and tell him to fuck off. I know it’s not easy but it really upset me the way I was treated at work. It ruined my pregnancy I suffered from terrible anxiety after this. Get your rights and facts together and be prepared to have to quote them.
I went back to work when dd was 6 months purely because the law was that my exact current job would only be kept until then. Not sure what the rules are now. I wasn’t ready at all. I did however demand my promotion and kept demanding after I went back because I was so pissed off at how I’d been treated.
Good luck and sorry you are going through this.

Could I ask, are you a member of a workers union? If not I think you should join one. You need to keep a note of all F the comments he is making and ask witnesses to make statements. I’m afraid that I have been in your situation.
Unfortunately many employers find ways of doing a discrination in a legal way. You need legal advice now.
Do not tell them you are pregnant now until you are full aware of your rights. You could just say that you have a medical appointment and leave it at that. Or you could take some sick days.
But whatever you do make sure that you always have witnesses to all your conversations, write everything down! Everything!
The best of luck and I’m so sorry you are having this! X

Could I just add that I didn’t not think you are over reacting and that everything he has said is totally illegal! You need to find a way of letttibg him know that you know that! That often shuts the twats up!

I would certainly record any conversations with him, you can get decent recorders that look like pens etc off the internet, test well before use. Carry it with you at all times.

I think this will carry much more weight than just writing down what he has said, and it sounds like he's not going to take the news well.

Talk to ACAS. Talk to them now.document everything inappropriate he says or does.

I'd send him a formal email.

You have a look of rights OP, they kick in the moment he knows.

Does your boss have a boss? Might be worth CC-ing them in.

Hi,

So sorry to hear what you are going through, your bosses behaviour is completely inappropriate.

I have worked in HR for a number of years and personally I would advise against secretly recording conversations. Whilst there are no laws against the recording of the conversation for personal use, if the issues persisted and you then wanted to use the conversations in a grievance or tribunal, you would then need to have the consent of both parties for the information to be used - except in a minority of cases with specific criteria. Instead I would make notes of all conversations including the date, time and any witnesses to the conversations.

With regards to appointments etc, you have the right to paid time off for antenatal appointments so as far as I can see, I would say there are two options, either you need to tell your boss before the appointment so you can attend or see if you could re-arrange to appointment with your midwife?

If you return to work within 6 months, you have the right to return to your previous role, anything over 6 months and this changes to the right to return to your previous role or equivalent. In terms of how you are treated throughout your pregnancy and maternity leave, you may be covered by the Equality Act 2010. This simply means that if you can demonstrate that you have been treated differently or unfavourably as a result of being pregnant, you may be covered by sex discrimination.

The other thing to note is that you don't legally have to tell your employer you are pregnant until the 15th week before your expected week of delivery however I would be careful talking a sick day when you aren't actually sick - such as to cover for an appointment. My only reason for saying this is that if your employer found out you weren't actually sick, then they could discipline you for this.

I would definitely advise joining a union if you can and I would also suggest you give ACAS a call, they provide free and impartial advise and may be able to help you.

I hope you get things sorted and just remember the most important thing is yours and your baby's health.

Personally I would delight in telling him. Your rights are well protected in law and there's nothing he can do about it.

Thanks for all the advise. I'm going the cowards way and emailing him today as I want to present it as if I'm doing him a favour by telling him early so he has time to plan.
I'm going to try and spin it by offering work arounds for my appointments - its a 9am meeting in London and my booking appt is 3.30 so 3 hours for the meeting then I skip lunch with the customer and sprint to Manchester for my appointment.
I've already moved my scan to a friday afternoon which is my work from home day so I can just start a little earlier.
I've checked through the employee handbook and my contract and secret recording is a definite no no so I will just have to be sharp with the notes.
Nothing is mentioned about maternity in my handbook or contract except to discuss with the US based hr which should be interesting.

I have said me and my boyfriend are discussing shared parental leave (which we are) I like my job and although I definitely don't know how I will feel at the time the idea of spending a full year up to my eyeballs in nappies isn't that appealing haha.

You are entitled to time off for maternity appointments. So take it. I'd also inform if the pregnancy in writing by letter - templates are available online - once you're past twenty weeks when you hand in your MATB1. Something like, 'Further to my email on...'