Irritability in 3rd trimester/support from DH?

[Pissedoffandpregnant]

Username says it all really.
I'm in the early stages of my third trimester and my mood just seems to have deteriorated into pure irritability. I am not sure if this is hormones or more to do with some of DH's behaviours.
I had PND after birth of DC1 and noticed some symptoms beginning during the pregnancy. DH says he's noticed my negativity in the last week or So, but told me judgementally rather than supportively. I'm irritable over quite trivial things which seem to be taking over, I'm also extremely tired atm and struggling with the weight of my bump.
This morning the following things have made me feel so angry towards DH, I felt I wanted to hit him:

• left a scruffy pile of clothes on top of my work clothes which I had draped over a chair ready for the morning. My cardigan was creased.
• he dressed DC1 this morning in an old, stained uniform rather than a new one I bought her a couple of weeks ago... it was covered in black pen which won't come out. I'd told him before that we would use the old one as a spare set. I then had to ask him to dress her again, which made him late for work.

-I went to put my makeup on this morning but there were filthy smears all over the bathroom mirror where he had used his hand to wipe away the steam so he could shave. I couldn't see properly and had to clean it before I could use it.

• Got into my car which he used yesterday to be greeted by a blaring radio which he hadn't switched off, I jumped out of my skin, DCs complaining they were cold and wanted a blanket all at the same time. I had a mini melt down and shouted at DCs but I was actually missed off with DH.

Yesterday, DH told me I was turning into an a**hole because I asked him to get out of bed as we had somewhere to be quite early in the morning. Hes difficult to rise at the best of times, so I did ask him rather impatiently.

Not sure if this is the beginning of PND or genuine and understandable irritation with DH. I do not usually feel I want to hit DH, feelings like this only arose with PND last time. I just want DH to get his act together. I am nervous about his lack of understanding/empathy/engagement with my pregnancy so far. He keeps on telling me to rest but doesn't offer to take on much extra load, so his words don't particularly follow with actions.
I have been told to contact my MW as soon as I see any signs of depression returning but not sure if this is a case of depression or just DH not being supportive or better disciplined with cleaning and tidying at home.

Bumping up

So some of the things you've listed would piss me off eg him being unsupportive with housework, others not so much eg leaving radio up.

I think it depends if these things would normally get to you. Maybe just discuss with MW to be safe.

But also tell DH that his suggestions to rest without picking up the slack are empty words.

This isn’t the beginning of PND! Don’t worry. It’s just a very normal part of pregnancy. We are irrational and its just part of the pregnancy package for most.
HOWEVER, tour OHs behaviour could be what sends you over. His lack of support and understanding - that’s big red flags for depression after pregnancy.
If he won’t be more supportive then you need to cut him out of your bubble for a few months. Just get in your bubble with your DC and stay there, and everything he does or says can bounce right off that bubble because it doesn’t matter to you.

I then think after your nesting period with your newborn you should question your relationship full stop. Sorry but if somebody treated me like that when pregnant he would be long gone. Calling you an asshole because you had to be somewhere?

Things in pregnancy will piss you off whereas beforehand they might not even cross your mind, it’s completely normal. There’s nothing wrong with you and your OH is a moron.

I hope you're ok. I think it's always worth speaking to your midwife if you've suffered pnd before and have noticed your mood is low.
For me, calling you an asshole stands out as unacceptable behaviour... does he often speak to you like that or is it a one off? How did he react afterwards?

The other stuff I can understand being pissed off, although not that much at but it does sound like the kind of thing that you can get more wound up at in pregnancy than you otherwise would.

He defended calling me an asshole when I confronted him about it. He said that I was being an asshole and not giving him time to get out of bed. My hair was dripping wet having gotten out of the shower and DCs were in our room along with their toys etc and I knew they weren't going anywhere until he was out of bed. I couldn't get to my hair dryer as there was stuff everywhere so.I did ask him impatiently to get out of bed. Our room is very small. He knew I'd be going to dry my hair after showering so in my eyes, why hadn't he and DCs left the room whilst I was showering. Hence my impatience. We also are often late and I was determined on this occasion not to be. I've explained this, but he sticks by calling me an asshole. I lost it and told him "fuck you". Thing is, if I'm not gearing every one up (including him) for leaving the house on time, it doesn't happen. It's exhausting.

This is more of a communication problem I think. Neither of you seem to be able to speak civilly to each other.

Agree with others it depends if those things would usually bother you prior to pregnancy? Loud radio and smears on the mirror seem very minor to me but maybe not to you?

As for your low mood, I would say that this is completely normal. I'm 37 weeks and some days I either cry at absolutely nothing or I feel total rage at the smallest thing - however, I do try my best to recognise this before flying off the handle at anyone. If you're especially worried about the PND returning then I'd definitely mention this to your midwife.

As for your DH - Maybe you should calmly talk to him, with no anger and no name calling and explain that you're feeling really low at the moment, its a common part of pregnancy and you may need some extra support. Then list a few things that he could do to help or that you would appreciate. I often find with my DH that expecting things gets me no where and in actual fact I have to (nicely) tell him exactly what I need.

I have been exactly the same with my DH. Unfortunately, me being crabby makes him even more irritable and it escalates! Try and get some sleep. I slept for twelve hours straight this weekend and the world now seems so much brighter and less irritating! Think I was over tired without realising.

I think from his point of view he probably feels like you are always nagging at him like he’s another child

Maybe try having a heart to heart about how you are feeling might help ?

Addy I think you're on to something there re having a long sleep. I think that may be just what is needed. I'm washed out.