Unexpected pregnancy with rocky relationship

[nic000]

My partner and I found out unexpectedly we were pregnant and I'm 6 weeks. This is complete shock to us and we are unsure if we are able to raise this baby. The main reason being is because our relationship has been rocky and I am terrified we will split up and I will be a single mum struggling on my own financially and That isn't what I imagined for y child. We are both 25 and havnt even lived together yet, so that's always a worry. We have only been together for10 months. I was completely devastated the first week but I am calming down a bit now to think more clearly - but I still have no idea what to do. Do I bring this baby into the world knowing it's parents are rocky and could potentially split, or do I go through with termination to try and work on us first to ensure we are stable enough to bring up a baby? Termination has been on my mind a lot but I am also terrified I will have that empty feeling for the rest of my life. Either way right now I feel like I can't see the light at either end of the tunnel. Has anyone else been through this? It would help so much eating your stories and views. Thank you

I’m going through it too and I’m 42 so age doesn’t make it any easier
I can’t have a termination and that is creating even more problems in our ‘relationship’

I have no idea how it is going to work out

I'd try to get some counselling to make a decision.

@fidgety31 sorry to hear your going through it. It's terrifying the fact I may be a single mum will most probably end up relying on the state which is not what I want to do at all.

I have friends who had terminations in their 20s and went on later to have babies at a ‘better’ time. They don’t regret it but that’s subjective. Equally I have friends who had them young & are badass single mums (and/or found partners later). They don’t regret it either! Only you can make the decision! Good luck.

My pregnancy was very much a surprise too and not too dissimilar to your situation except that I had only known the baby’s dad for 2 months before I fell pregnant! It’s been very turbulent and stressful at times, I was also very anxious about the financial situation and the thought of potentially being a single mum, however I decided to go ahead and as time has gone on I’ve realised more and more that I am capable of a lot more than I gave myself credit for and that if I had to do this alone, I could make it work.

Your decision is yours alone and there’s no right or wrong decision here - but just know that whatever you choose, you’ll find a way to cope - we are all a lot more resilient than we give ourselves credit for x

@ceestar Thanks for sharing your story, it made me emotional. Hormones are in full force and I cry at anything and everything!

Are you still with the father now? I am slowly starting to realise I can do this by my self, I am just terrified of living the life my mum did. I saw her struggle being a single mum and it isn't the life I want for me or the baby. I am just so torn. I'm happy you went ahead with it and it's working out for you. Are you still pregnant or have you given birth now? Xx

@nic000 I was in exactly the same position. My partner lived 4 hours away we had been together 9 months when I fell pregnant. There was a mass of panic inside me I'm not going to lie, didn't know if we were strong enough to make it, didn't want to be a single mother. Worried about money, where to live... everything you could think of. We decided to keep the baby, even after that choice I still didn't know if it was right! don't get me wrong there have been bumps in the road!!!! There always is... especially when you go through the none stop hormones and want to punch your partner in the face 24/7, but overall I'm 29 week, he has moved to be with me, and we are working together for our future and our child. And as the months went on the feeling of worry turned into excitement and curiosity as to what my future was going to be like!
It could all go tits up when my baby's here but now I couldn't care because I feel like me and my little boy could take on the world together! I hope you find the right path for you, but not everything can turn out as bad as you imagine it.... if it turned out how I imagined in the beginning, I would be living in a tent alone surviving on beans! 😂 xx

@twistedpink I'm so glad I'm not alone. I've literally got all of your worries that you listed. My problem is I'm not sure I even love this person anymore or if it was even love in the first place. I guess when something like this happens it makes you think do you actually want to be with this person for the rest of your life?

I'm glad you have found hope in your journey and it's amazing to know you feel like you can take on the world with your little baby. Did you feel disconnected at first? I feel guilty for not feeling these feelings.

Oh I 100% felt disconnected, there were times I would sit there and truly consider abortion, people would talk to me about 'the excitement' I would be feeling and I felt bad when I didn't feel it! At one point I really thought there is no way I can do this... no way. But I think the further along you get and connect with your unborn child it changes. I spoke to some of my single friends and they all said that, yes it was hard but they wouldn't change having there child for anything.
I also questioned if I really loved my partner because to be honest he was a rebound lol, and even now I wonder if we will have a long future together, but when you share special moments together like scans and baby shopping and picking names you just become a little team. And if that team broke up well.... I will have another team with my child and it's amazing really how sane that thought has kept me!
The hormones really don't help though when trying to make the right choice, and to be honest I know my partner has really had a tough time too.... but we can both agree now how excited we are at the pending arrival. Some people who have been in love for years sometimes don't make it when a child is involved so there would always be risks but you just wouldn't be so prepared to see them if you were blissfully happy xxxxx

i can assure you that having a baby in rocky relationship only make things worse. it isn't going to change you are just going to be spread more thinly and have more things to argue about, I'm living it right now but I'm not as young as you and felt like it was my only chance. big mistake.

I’m still pregnant now, 29 weeks like @twistedpink - we moved in together quickly and have just sort of muddled our way along, the blind leading the blind and finally got our own place a couple of weeks ago. We’ve had to get to know each other, the good the bad and the ugly, really quickly and it’s definitely had it’s moments and at times I’ve been convinced that the only way to go forward is by myself... it’s a high pressure situation for any relationship, a lot of changes and stresses involved and there’s really no way to predict how it might all work out... I think as long as you have a good support system and believe in yourself (which can be really hard with so many doubts) you will be fine. I’m lucky that I have some really great friends around me and a brilliant family although they live over 2hrs away... that’s made all the difference. I know how it is though, the first trimester is really really tough. PM me if you want to chat x

@ceestar couldn't have said it better myself! Xx

@twistedpink you have literally lived my situation! They are so similar it's ridiculous. I know financially with him we will be okay, he has a good paid job and very supportive family in that aspect, but emotionally he just isn't. He never has been but I guess I was just hiding the fact he wasn't and I didn't seem to care because I didn't need it; and now I do need it more than ever. If I wrote a pro and cons list, the cons list would be full! And I guess that's because I have no connection to the baby yet. I'm so scared that feeling won't come either because I am just focusing on the negatives. I'm sorry to be so down in the dumps, you seem to have your mind in a good place and it does give me hope that one day I will get there like you did xx

@ceestar thank you. Yes I know I have an amazing support system already, my family will be with me no matter what, but it's still the fear of loneliness when the baby is here if I do end up on my own. I'm going into this negatively and setting myself for failure but at the same time I just can't hide behind the truth in our relationship and we both are questioning if we are even compatible. Just a very hard situation to be in x

Somebody said yesterday (on twitter) “It's irresponsible for a parent to raise their children in a toxic atmosphere of prejudice, bigotry, lack of empathy and understanding of the human condition.” If you can figure that out and love them, then you’re good to go - money and age don’t matter