Are my feelings about mil unreasonable?

[Brownieb]

Sorry long one... I have posted previously about MIL and she is just as bad as ever before. It’s been over a decade so I know she won’t change. My partner refuses to see her alone as he finds her behaviour unbearable but she is basically the gatekeeper to the rest of the family so you either see and involve her or your life is made very difficult. Anyway... we are expecting our first baby in June but MIL expects to come in May during my maternity leave to stay in our home for about a week, and for me to take her about places (she expects to be waited on). I said no and she is going on and on about it and how she doesn’t cause me stress She then told me she is booking a hotel next to the hospital ready to be there while I give birth. I said that we don’t know when exactly the baby will come and that’s a lot of pressure on me... and she just ignored me. So I have now been told I need a c section so will know the date, am I being unfair not to share this earlier set date because she clearly doesn’t respect my wishes to be just myself and partner. I will have to treat other family in the same way which is disappointing but they understand the long running problems my MIL has been causing. Ideally I don’t want her to visit until 2-3 days after I come home after the baby, as I feel too vulnerable to have her being poisonous around me so soon after such a life changing few days in hospital. FWIW she turned up during labour for my SIL despite being told not to come to the hospital. Am I being unreasonable?

Put your foot down before the baby comes. It is far too much pressure to put on you.
In fact get tour oh to do it. It’s his mother he should deal with her.

This is total power play on her part. She is testing her weight and checking how much Influence she has over her son and making sure she is top priority . Pretty pathetic considering the baby should be top priority.

Make it perfectly clear that if she wants to see her grandchild she will do it on your terms or not at all. If you don’t do it now she will only get worse. You will need to be rude to her in a way. I’m sure she will complain and say she’s being ‘cut out’ but tough luck.

I would tell her about the section. You shouldn’t have to have to lie to the rest of the family to appease her. You can always keep the date secret for a while. Say she is not welcome to visit until you say so.