Basically, I have 3 children and my friend has 2. Last year I had a late miscarriage with baby number 4 at 22 weeks, my best friend was an amazing support for all of us. 4 weeks later She discovered she was pregnant which unfortunately she lost at 12 weeks. She was told that tests had discovered a hormonal problem which would mean she would most likely struggle to have another successful pregnancy (both of her previous pregnancys had been treated as high risk) I was devastated for her. Obviously between us it was a very emotional time both dealing with our own grief etc and still is tbh.
My friend has been really struggling with coming to terms with what she’s been told and is very depressed, understandably. She’s been drinking a lot and has had episodes where she gets very angry and at times violent towards her partner. It’s heartbreaking to see her hurting so badly. I have dealt with my grief quite differently, I’ve thrown myself into my work, moved house and have been trying to get us as a family through it with strength. I still have a lot of days where I cry and crave to go back and everything be ok but I know that’s not going to happen. Everyone deals with things differently, and I am I suppose lucky in the sense I was never given a final result like she was. I speak to her everyday and try and help her when she needs it, sometimes she will shut off and I know to give her some space.
So last week I discovered that I’m pregnant again. My oh and I have recently been talking about wether to try again or not and we were open to trying again after our angel baby’s birthday next month, however it’s happened sooner than we had anticipated. I’m fearful of going through it again, but I’m as fearful of telling my friend. It was the second thing in my head when I saw the line on my test, how am I going to tell her? I know she’s not going to handle it very well, and she’s already in a dark place. I have no intentions on telling anybody at all for a while yet until we are reassured that everything is ok, so I’m not looking to hit her with it now. Im scared this will end our friendship when I tell her, or that she will distance herself. Either way I know it’s not going to help her emotional state right now, my oh says that we can’t dictate our lives around her and her feelings which is true but I care about her a lot and am worried for her, the thought of losing her or causing her more pain is pretty unbearable but it’s most likely going to happen. Right now I’m just fearful of pretty much everything, losing my baby again and losing my friend. As I say I’m not planning on telling her or anyone anything until we are 100% confident things are ok, or I’m at a point I physics can’t hide it anymore, but I need to settle this in my head now and have a plan on how I can handle telling my friend because I can’t keep worrying myself about everything, I need to be as calm and stress free as I can be right now. Anybody been in a similar situation and have advice? Anybody who’s been in my friends shoes know how you’d like to be told? Tia xx