Sex

[MeadowHay]

I know this is an anonymous internet forum but I guess I'm a bit shy or a bit of a prude so find this difficult so be gentle please...

I'm 26 weeks pregnant. I had HG earlier in my pregnancy so we didn't have any sexual intimacy between like weeks 5 and 20. Since then we've basically tried once a week to have a sexual encounter. We only really used to have sex about once a week pre-pregnancy anyway, as I don't generally have a high sex drive. But anyway atm things are just...not very successful. We've managed PIV intercourse only once in that time I think, or maybe twice. I'm just too dry otherwise, or it hurts, or I feel that I need to pee. This wouldn't be a big deal if everything else was otherwise fine, but it's not. I'm extra, extra sensitive - I've read this is because of engorgement of the area due to pregnancy hormones - so I can't even be touched for long (oral included), before it just starts to feel sore/uncomfortable, and again I feel like I need to pee. I constantly feel like I need to pee when we try and do anything sexual, I go multiple times which obviously ruins our flow but I can't not go because when I feel like I need to pee I get terrified of accidentally peeing which also makes me anxious and again ruins it all! We used to have a happy, fulfilling sex life even if to some peoples standards once a week isn't much, it was always 'good quality' haha and enjoyable and I orgasmed most of the time. I can't orgasm anymore but then I don't see how that can change when I can barely be touched! It's getting both of us down as eventually we tend to just give up on me and I just finish off DH, I don't mind doing that at all as I know he would do the same for me absolutely but it's not very fulfilling, for either of us. Oh and I'm extra restricted to what positions we can try as I have coccyx pain too.

Sooo I don't know does anyone have any advice?! I keep meaning to try lube for the dryness at least but I don't know if that will help me relax or not because I have weird sensory things with being on the autistic spectrum and in the past haven't really liked the sensations of using lube.

16 weeks and also just about getting back into the swing of things due to HG too. I constantly feel like I need to pee, I am ridiculously tight now and certain positions just feel really uncomfortable! I’m lucky in that I’m usually quite wet and actually have got a reasonable sex drive now though!

Definitely try lube, it might take a while to find something you like. Don’t just assume that because you don’t like bog standard KY Jelly or Durex that it won’t work for you. You could also try using a vibratory to get you into the mood? Usually involves less ‘rubbing’ than normal manual or oral clitoral stimulation so might make you less sore? With regards to PIV, it might just be a case of making sure he’s really turned on and limiting how long this lasts for for the time being!

We had sex three times in pregnancy. It was awful. Unfortunately giving birth made it so much worse. I'm not sure it'll ever get better!

Sorry it's probably not want you want to hear!

I had HG and didn't manage it at all during my second pregnancy.

Bump?

Definitely definitely try some lube. If you really can't stand the texture at least you know you've given it ago. It could help with the sensitivity issue as well as the dryness, as there will be less friction when you're touched. I find that if there's too much lube you sometimes can barely feel anything, which could help in your situation.

The needing to pee problem - it's not the same, but I've had many UTIs as I'm sure most women on here have. The only advise I can give you is that if you pee before you have sex then you know there is no pee in your bladder, your body is deceiving you by telling you there is. If you do accidentally pee which I really really doubt, then that's just something that happens. More embarrassing things have happened during sex. Also, if you're really worried, you could always put a towel down first just in case an accident happens.

Positions - I'm sure you've tried being on top? this will take most pressure off your coccyx. Honestly just try every position - give each some time to see if better or worse than the last.

Best of luck, I hope you feel back to normal soon!

35 weeks and we've managed once since I got pregnant....neither of us are bothered luckily 😊

Could you have sex in the shower or in the bath so you arent as worried about weeing? I mean you probably wont actually wee yourself at all its just the sensation (I have had this during pregnancy) But being somewhere where it doesnt really matter or its less obvious that youve weed yourself might help you relax which might help you orgasm?
Light candles and stuff so that visibility is low so again it wouldnt really matter if you weed yourself because no one would see.
I think you just might be really tense (understandably) which is why you cant orgasm.
Take a step back and remind yourself that it doesnt matter really if you wee yourself, this man loves you and you are having his baby hes not gonna be completely disgusted and never speak to you again or something.. im sure he would understand the problem!

Maybe just chill out for a few weeks and see how you feel a bit later on?? I'm very aware of my sex drive atm because we are not allowed to have sex (or any fun for me) and I have noticed that a few weeks can go by when I'm simply not fussed and doubt I would have enjoyed it that much anyway and other times where I'm much more up for it. Your body changes so much, this could just be a phase. Even if it's not, loads of people end up not having sex during pregnancy or for a while after and it's ok.

Thanks ladies, taking all the suggestions on board . Keep forgetting to buy lube argh. Any recommendations for a super plain one? I have very sensitive skin as well so that's another factor.

Same issue here - 3rd baby, 35+4 and sex has been pretty minimal this pregnancy (we usually manage a couple of times a week or thereabouts). First I was sick and exhausted, then everything just felt weird, plus I just didn’t fancy it. Then SPD kicked in and, regardless of position etc, sex leaves me the next day feeling like my pelvis has been stamped on by an elephant. I’m also super sensitive down there, everything gets sore really quickly and I feel like I’m being repeatedly stabbed in the cervix. So sex was fairly sporadic anyway and has been nonexistent since 31w, when I decided the pain (esp the SPD pain) just wasn’t worth it! DH has a fairly high sex drive but wouldn’t dream of complaining, or even mentioning it - he knows I’m getting the worse deal here! Presumably he sorts himself out, but I leave that side of things to him. We both know we’ll get back to it sooner or later, once this baby’s out. It’s just circumstances.
So this was a long way of saying, I have no good advice, but lots of sympathy!

Aren't there types of lube that decrease sensitivity? That might work.

My lo is 6months old, we found out I was pregnant in Feb 17 and due to bleeding through the first half of my pregnancy, lack of energy and generally I can't be arsed we didn't have sex throughout my pregnancy until 4months post partum.

Only do what you want if you would rather not bother, don't.