Husband drinking

[Archie1982]

Hello.

This is my first post on here. It’s early pregnancy for me, so I feel I don’t have anyone to go to on this.

I’ve been in tears for the last hour (possibly hormones!). I’m 6 weeks pregnant with my first and my husband just got home from a day of drinking for st.patricks. He’s in a bit of a drunk state. He’s been drinking to tipsy and drunk scales every fri, sat and Sunday in the three weeks since we found out.

Am I wrong for getting upset that he doesn’t seem to be thinking of me in this? I was so upset when he got in I told him I was disgusted. He pretty much told me to stop using that I’m pregnant and where to go.

He thinks he’s being good because he’s not having any drinks midweek.

Is it too much to ask that he maybe shows more consideration to me?

I feel trapped now and I feel like he knows that. He doesn’t seem to get how this stresses me out.

He has been doing other good things, lots of cleaning etc.

I got upset about the drinking the other day and he laughed at me. I may not be that pregnant, but to laugh at your wife when she’s crying just seems so cruel.

I couldn’t sleep in the week because he was fidgeting and kind of snoring in bed - I stroked his back to get him to turn over and he told me to f*ck off.

I can’t do this :’(

This is a baby we both want, so it’s not him responding to that. He’s always drunk too much and doesn’t know when to stop.

THE MENTALLY ILL OR ADDICTED ABUSER

This last category is not actually separate from the others; an abusive man of any of the aforementioned styles can also have psychiatric or substance-abuse problems, although the majority do not. Even when mental illness or addiction is a factor, it is not the cause of a man's abuse of his partner, but it can contribute to the severity of his problem and his resistance to change.

Substance abuse, like mental illness, does not cause partner abuse but can increase the risk of violence. Like the mentally ill abuser, the addicted abuser doesn't change unless he deals with his addiction, and even that is only the first step. Chapter 8 examines the role that substances play in partner abuse.

The attitudes driving the mentally ill or addicted batterer are the same as those of other abusers and will likely follow the pattern of one of the nine styles described above. In addition, the following attitudes tend to be present:

• I am not responsible for my actions because of my psychological or substance problems.

• If you challenge me about my abusiveness, you are being mean to me, considering these other problems I have. It also shows that you don't understand my other problems.

• I'm not abusive, I'm just———(alcoholic, drug addicted, manic-depressive, an adult child of alcoholics, or whatever his condition may be).

• If you challenge me, it will trigger my addiction or mental illness, and you'll be responsible for what I do.

From The Abuser Profiles which are from the book “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft

From your later messages, I take back what I said. He sounds extremely controlling & borderline abusive.

If you don’t want to be a single mother, have a termination. Those are your options right now because he is going to be an utter failure of a father and you are going to do everything yourself with no help and active hindrance from him.

My brother did exactly this to my ex-sister in law and it only got worse. Much worse. I honestly think you should leave and it may be the kick up the arse he needs

He’s being abusive, and he assumes you’re trapped now so won’t do anything... luckily for you it’s 2018 and women successfully go at it alone ALL THE TIME and are far better off.

Also I agree with pp, if you don’t want to be a single mother (and why not? You think your partner will be a help or a hindrance? I know women who have stayed with partners for the same reason and it just messed the kids up) then have an abortion whilst the child is just a rough bundle of cells.

Just remember people can and do this alone and also you won’t be single forever

I think you really need to think about your baby too. As hard as it is, please consider the environment your child will grow up in.

Will you have to be quiet while he sleeps off the handover. What happens if you child is ill and he can't be contacted because he is out on the piss or over the limit to drive. What message will your child grow up with seeing one parent abuse the other. You need to think about creating a safe and nurturing environment. Maybe it's worth speaking to your own gp in confidence about the help and support you can get.

Yes - from your later posts I also take back what I said and think you are right to be very concerned about the situation. You have to put yourself first. He probably does need help but from a professional - and he has to want to change in order to do so. Doesn't sound like he's trying. Sorry you're dealing with this :(