Living every day in fear of premature labour

[Waterfountain97]

Please can some tell me how to relax and get over my fear of having my baby early , I'm 23 weeks tomorrow and I'm always cramping having backache kidney pain( been checked multiple times for uti) was suspected kidney stones then left there. Every single pain and cramp I have I lay there and cry telling myself that's it going to loose her ..I don't know why I feel this way as this is my first pregnancy but I just can't get it out of my head 💔

Try not to worry. Pregnancy can be full of all sorts of twinges and aches. Are there any indications given by your midwife or doctors that you're at risk of early labour? Talk to your midwife about How youre feeling and they can put your mind at rest.

Nope I haven't been told if I'm high risk of that but how do they even check? My head is just such a mess it really is a I get days where I have no pain then days like today where I'm hurting really bad and I just can't cope 😪 The pain itself is a breeze because I used to get awful menstral pains but it's the not knowing what's causing the pain that's really getting me down I just want to enjoy my pregnancy as I'm so grateful and feel so lucky but I just love in fear every day and I'm so mentally drained 💔

Have you had your cervix checked?

@blueroses99
Unless they do this at scans? I've never had anyone check no I don't know whether the pains comes from her being very active she moves around a lot but I just always cramp and it's so hard to mentally deal with

They can scan or physically look down there to check the cervix, as if it’s opening it can feel like cramping (it did in my case).

I know this doesnt help much but a family baby was born at bang on 24 weeks.
The dm went into labour 2 days before.

The dc was in hosp for a long time but is now a thriving 5yr old.
Try not to worry too much and if the hosp thought you were at risk they would have done tests to determine the risk factor.
If you are still getting pain do get in touch with hosp and mention this. They may want to atleast check your cervix to make sure it's closed etc

I found midwives don’t take worries about premature labour seriously ☹️

But I have a beautiful daughter born at 24 weeks, happy and healthy.

I want to help because I know how you feel but also don’t want to say the wrong thing and make you feel worse!

I had concerns about prematurity as we have a history of it in my family. Midwife was not overly concerned but sent us for extra scans to check growth. My baby arrived at 35 weeks! Honestly I know it’s hard but you just need to relax!

I wonder if you should talk to your GP about perinatal anxiety? Partly because it then means you can anticipate any future possible post-natal depression? I had similar anxiety to you... but only after losing a baby so it 'made sense' that I would be anxious. I would be concerned if you didn't have a history of anxiety that you suddenly have anxiety now... take care...

I think there are two separate things. (I have a healthy one year who was born at 26 weeks).
Are you at risk of premature labour? Is there anything in your obstetric history to suggest this? If not then stretching and cramping in pregnancy isn’t unheard of.
The second issue is anxiety. And that may require a trip to the GP.
More logically if you were at risk of premature labour you wouldn’t just ‘lose her’ in that sense. You would be given steroids and an attempt would be made with medication to stall labour and give the baby more time.
After 26 weeks well over 80% of babies do survive.
I think you need to figure out for yourself how much is real (because it might well be) and how much of this is anxiety. Otherwise you will drive yourself mad.

Thankyou everyone I find I talk to my partner and he just gets so mad at me I had anxiety before the pregnancy but it's gotten understandably worse since becoming pregnant I've not had an easy time mentally but in terms of pregnancy I haven't got any family history ect my mum carries 6 children to term my sister 2 children ect I just tell myself every pain is a bad pain 😪 And the cramping isn't often and goes in certain positions but the back ache is just always there and this constant pain in my kidney which I think is really getting me down but as mentioned I have been checked for uti and at 19 weeks was in hospital with the most unbearable pain and they said it sounded like kidney stones and gave me pain killers and antibiotics and sent me on my way because they didn't know what else to do for me , I know a lot of this is me and my anxiety blowing things out of proportion but as someone who has never been pregnant I have no idea what pains are normal or what labour would feel like early stages

I really sympathise with you

I've had awful bowel problems since 18 weeks and ended up being hospitalised due to severe pain. On a few occasions I was absolutely convinced I was labouring.

I've had previous preterm births which have resulted in a late loss so probably a bit different to your situation BUT now I'm 26 weeks things feel so much brighter. And they will for you too the further along you get

Hang on in there and don't not be afraid to talk to your midwife/gp and also your family.
It's obviously affecting you a lot and that isn't right or fair on you. Please talk to someone who can help to reassure you x

Have you been checked for SPD? I have this and I get the worst pain in my back and cramping all the time