Feeling Rubbish - 38 Weeks - A moan thread!

[Lavenderdays]

Just want to have a bit of a moan really.

I am 38 weeks today (induction likely next week at 39 weeks).

I am honestly feeling inhuman. I feel enormous (but according to midwife I am measuring at correct bump size). Tuesday evening I had a touch of pregnancy insomnia (had it very badly in previous pregnancy) but seemed to have escaped it this time but boy, did it knock me out in the afternoon (then I started to worry how I would cope with sleep deprivation when baby arrives). Usual sleep problems getting up in the night about 10 times to the toilet and it seems as if a bit of nausea has returned/altered taste buds smell etc.. My mobility is rubbish as I am breathless nearly all of the time - I have a 4 year old and an 11 year old so cant stop completely. DH is helping out where he can whilst working full-time and I can't really complain - though I snap at him and I am generally grumpy all of the time. In my ideal world, dh would give up work temporarily and be around but of course this is just a fantasy as we have bills to pay etc. and we are trying to preserve his leave for when baby does appear.

I have an induction looming (never had one of these before) and considering an epidural (never had one of these either) and all I can think about is the cascade of possible interventions because I won't be able to feel when to push the baby out etc. I just feel like I'm living in limbo...the calm before the storm and the anticipation is ramping up my anxiety.

We have no extended family to help out and I have no friends who are going through a similar thing...I have friends with older children and it is many years since they have had to go through similar, so I don't think they 'get' or have forgotten what sort of place I'm currently in. I feel so irritable, that I don't want to see anyone but at the same time, it would be lovely to talk to someone who understands. Mumsnet has been wonderful and a life saver for this.

I seem to like to worry for worry's sake at the moment. I had pnd with both of my other pregnancies, I also had a late loss (at around 20 weeks) so my anxiety has been ramped up and I cant get my head around the fact that there might be a live baby at the end of this. Then (probably because I feel so rough), I wonder how I will cope with 3 dc's and lack of sleep etc. (dc2 starts school in September) so hoping for daytime naps etc. but in the interim it just feels like it will be really tough going for at least the first six months and pregnancy is not the end of it. There I think my moan is complete. I know other ladies have it much worse than this...but I feel so alone (whilst maintaining an air of taking things in my stride to all who don't really know me very well).

@Lavenderdays sorry to hear you are feeling a bit rubbish. You are almost there so hang on!! I'm currently 29weeks and already feeling huge and grumpy - I'll be a nightmare at 38 weeks!!
I had an induction for my first as waters broke and contractions didn't start - In my opinion I would say go for the epidural - particularly at the beginning. I tried just having gas and air to start with - 5hrs worth of strong contractions every minute and I was totally exhausted (and only 1cm dilated!) - you may be different though given it's your third DC. I'm told induced contractions are a hell of a lot stronger and more painful than natural contractions. You are in control of the epidural and as you are getting more dilated and nearer to having to push you can stop having it so it wears off. I could definitely feel pressure and felt my baby come out even though it was obviously masked a bit by the residual epidural.

As for coping with three - I can't help you there as just having my 2nd. Does your 4yr old attend a preschool or nursery? You will hopefully get a bit of a break if he/she does - otherwise just enforce some quiet play time so you can rest. Do what you need to do to get through those first 6months until the oldest two are at school.

If you are feeling anxious maybe try some relaxation stuff? There are some great apps / podcasts etc that can really help you switch off from the other worries and focus on you.

Good luck with it - you'll be fine - you've done it all before and just think what an amazing thing it is to be able to bring a gorgeous new life into the world.

Thank you Sparkles, what a lovely post x

Yes, I'm definitely thinking epidural is the way to go...it's just the anticipation of it all and believing my body can do this - obviously having a late loss, I think my confidence in my body's ability to handle pregnancy has been knocked a bit and its trying to regain this plus I'm on the older side (over 40) and this is somehow proving a bit of a mental block.

My 4.5 year old attends pre-school every morning which has been a real life line during this pregnancy as I rely on them to wear her out in the mornings and then (guilty) we have been relying on screen time/bath with water play in the afternoons just as a way of getting through. But in September she will be starting school - and I will probably miss her! Eldest dd has just started secondary school so is fairly independent. I have asked eldest dd for help once or twice when she has returned from school over the past week (to look after her little sister) - which is something I promised myself I wouldn't do as I don't think older children she be carers etc. but I have been in a desperate situation of practically falling asleep. I just want to feel O.K to be able to manage all three children without it majorly impacting on my other dc (more guilt maybe?)

I have been listening to a hypnobirthing cd which I have found wonderful. But I suppose the birthing event is looming and seems more real now. DD2 was born with some birth defects - prominent face/ear tags which had to be surgically removed and fortunately now just bears a small scar from this. It was love at first sight but it was obviously a shock seeing my little one in this state - I suppose, I am dreading what might come next (have had harmony test etc and detailed scans throughout pregnancy) but this was missed for dc2. For these reasons, I just can't bring myself to feel positively but as dh says we will have to deal with whatever comes our way.

Thank you once again, for taking the time to respond to my post and wishing you all the best too x

Feel your pain im also 38 weeks today and have a ELCS booked next week due to previous EMCS. But not looking forward to it one bit I struggled last time with the recovery so dreading it this time . My 6 year old has the chicken pox so I’m having to look after him as he’s so itchy and grumpy ☹️.
Wishing you the best with your induction x

Oh no, Dusty, that is unfortunate timing on your 6 year old's part - bless them x You can't help but reflect on what has gone before can you...although dd2's birth was relatively straight forward but proceeded by my late loss (I had to go through the birthing process) and that was not straight forward and I suppose unfortunately, that is what has stuck in my mind.

Wishing you all the best with your ELCS next week (and speedy recovery for your dc also).