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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Husband no longer wants to carry on pregnancy

51 replies

Willows8 · 14/03/2018 10:12

Hello, I've name changed for this. I'm on my 2nd pregnancy, we have a beautiful 3 yr old DC who my husband adores and they are very close. For a long time DH didnt want another child as he was happy with our little unit and my 1st pregnancy was awful (Hyperemesis, 3 admissions, 2 blood transfusions and an emergency C). Then middle of last yr changed his mind and was open to a 2nd child. When I found out I was pregnant he was so excited, but this pg has been worse. Hyperemess has been so bad I've been left unable to do much, constantly vomiting and in pain, have been admitted and signed off work. DH has been looking after DC mostly and has said to me today that he hates to watch me suffer so much. He wishes we had never gotten pregnant and that there were options. I explained I'm 15 weeks so abortion physically isn't an option, and not one I would want to do anyway as I couldn't give up on the baby in me no matter how ill I am. He says that you can get an abortion but it's fine he's said his thoughts I've said mine and we will just have to rumble on. He would never push me into anything and I know he is thinking of this as he can't manage how physically ill I am and he hates to see me so rough. It's not the first time in this pg he has suggested it and I'm just feeling so sad and low that he wants to end it. I feel alone in it and hurt that he doesn't want to protect the baby in me. He says his main concern is for our DC who he thinks it is impacting negatively seeing me so ill, but I want to protect the baby in me who needs me to get thru this. Feel so alone right now

OP posts:
ClareB83 · 15/03/2018 17:08

Yes his most recent behaviour looks a lot less like a concerned partner/parent and a lot more like a selfish twat who doesn't want to parent your DC while you're in hospital.

It's meant to be in sickness and in health. Well you're sick right now growing your child so he needs to step up. And actually it's not even stepping up it's parenting one child by himself, something I bet you do all the time. And he's got the offer of help from your DP.

I think at this point I'd be really angry.

Dragongirl10 · 15/03/2018 17:29

Op please don't apologise.....you are having a dreadful time, any woman will totally understand that...a man however......

Your Dh is being a vile shit and needs a good kick up the rear, he should be spending all his time comforting and distracting your DS, and in between helping you anyway he can, instead he is behaving like a spoilt brat.

Sending you upsetting videos, in HOSPITAL is beyond unacceptable, for me that would be the end of the marriage, but l understand you cannot think of that right now.

Just focus on one hour at a time, it will pass, and you will have a wonderful baby because of your strength to get through this, it will be worth it.

Grab any support you can from friends and family. Mentally disconnect from DH.

Topseyt · 15/03/2018 17:32

He wants you home because he wants to be able to set aside this inconvenient parenting lark and leave it all to you again.

Impress on your family how bad he really is. See what they say. After all, you are the one who lives with him, not them. What if you showed them his nasty texts? Would that bring it home to them?

Original poster
Willows8 · 15/03/2018 18:43

I am really angry now, he rang to apologise said things come out in a manner he may not intend so he's sporty but he's not the only one in the wrong. Which is a shit apology. My family know he doesn't hide his behaviour he is shitty to them too he told my mother about the video she was mortified and he just didn't care. He has decided to go and stay with his family tonight and I've told him if that's what he wants then to go. Wether he will or not I don't know. Thanks for the support guys it's nice to know I'm not being over the top and that this is shitty behaviour!

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 15/03/2018 18:51

Poor you!..... will you be Ok at home? should you not go to stay with your mum after just coming out of hospital?

Original poster
Willows8 · 15/03/2018 19:05

Thanks Dragon but I'll be ok, the steroids have helped calm the nausea down, I will prob b home around 8-10 (hospital not sure when so rather big estimate!) And i am so looking forward to sneaki g a hug from my dahling baby boy! If DH decides to go then he can, if not i intend to stay in the spare room for a few nights to try and sort my head out over all this. I think space is a good idea. My mum and dad are aware and live really close and if I have any trouble I can ring them

OP posts:
Topseyt · 15/03/2018 20:21

You are definitely not being OTT. Perhaps now your parents are starting to see that actually, he is an arse.

Topseyt · 15/03/2018 20:24

What does he mean when he says he is not the only one in the wrong?

I might see that as him still blaming you for daring to have HG.

calmandbright · 15/03/2018 20:30

He is appalling op! My mouth was hanging open when I read that he’d sent you that video. What a cruel little shit of a man!

NapQueen · 15/03/2018 20:31

He wants you to come home? From hospital? Where you are receiving treatment to make yoy better?

Is he this controlling in all aspects of your life? Do you have a social life?

calmandbright · 15/03/2018 20:31

And yes, he’s the ONLY one in the wrong! I’m furious on your behalf. I hope you feel better soon!

C0untDucku1a · 15/03/2018 20:32

I read the first post and thought he sounded like a manipulative selfish arse. I was surprised others thought he was concerned.

You need a bigger plan than just getting through the pregnancy. He isnt a nice man.

halfwitpicker · 15/03/2018 20:34

He sounds a total martyr to be honest

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 15/03/2018 20:36

He also sent me a video last night of my DS crying for mummy at the top of the stairs.

I wouldn't forgive that Sad

endofthelinefinally · 15/03/2018 20:39

I had hyperemesis with all my pregnancies.
DH worked 12 hour shifts, did the shopping and cooking and everything else he could.
He certainly didnt get cross with me.
Your dh sounds like a piece of work.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 15/03/2018 20:39

I had hyperemsis too..it gets worse with every pregnancy apparently and with out third child I was on my daughter's bedroom floor crying once or twice as I was so ill and said to my husband I can't do it anymore. In those moments at 15 weeks and 16 weeks I truly thought I couldn't handle it and needed to book a termination.

Then I pulled myself together and was over it. My son's five now and the fact I even thought that in those dark moments horrified me. I'm sure he will get over it too. It's hard not to feel like he wants the best for you regardless of what it would take to make you better. Because for him right now you are reality and here the baby isn't. I don't think men feel a love or connection like we do in early pregnancy,or some don't.

NotTakenUsername · 15/03/2018 20:42

I’m disgusted at the video he sent you. What a cruel card to play. He’s despicable.

Topseyt · 15/03/2018 20:44

Fucksake, read the updates. This is a spiteful are, not a concerned DH.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 15/03/2018 20:46

Just read all the posts after the first. Op that's absolutely shocking the way he's treating you. I'm sorry you are having to deal with all this when not well. The video of your ds was very cruel. Punishing you for being unwell in hospital, pulling a stunt like that is very cruel.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 15/03/2018 20:48

Topseyt, calm the fuck down. You aren't the thread police!

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 15/03/2018 20:50

Topseyt I'm so so sorry I just realised you were saying fucksake as it's my username not exclaiming fucksake what a twat I am! Name change needed sorry Flowers

Original poster
Willows8 · 15/03/2018 20:57

I managed to get home early, he's on a big cleaning spree, bought the chocolates I like and has not gone to his family. I almost laughed it felt comical after how awful I felt in the hospital over it.had a huge hug of my boy which was lovely, put him to bed now DH is upstairs in our bedroom while I'm watching Bridget Jones baby. I'm not bothering to talk to him tonight and I think he is genuinely shocked I told him he could go if he wanted! In regards to social life I have a few friends and he never stops me when I get chance for a free afternoon with them, it's just he has a much busier social life with a LOT of hobbies so I generally end up looking after our son. That is again for the back up everyone he is so good at twisting me round and making me feel guilty, it's reassuring reading these and knowing that actually I'm not in the wrong, and his behaviour is not Ok!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Willows8 · 15/03/2018 20:59

Sorry ment Thanks again for the back up everyone. My typing is atrocious!

OP posts:
Topseyt · 15/03/2018 23:13

Apology accepted, Fucksake. I don't name change because I would never remember a new username if I gave myself one, nor on what site I had what name.

OP, glad you are home and hope you are feeling improved with the steroids. Your DH's behaviour towards you when you were in hospital was indicative of his true character.

Sushirolls · 17/03/2018 22:02

Was just wondering how you are OP? X