Struggling a bit with guilt over DC1

[toasterstrudle]

Struggling with emotions today. DS is 8 months on Friday and I'm 6 weeks pregnant. We had planned a short age gap, there's only 17 months between me and DB and we're very close, but I didn't expect to fall straight away based on last time TTC (I know this was stupid). We will have a 15 month age gap and I'm just all over the place emotionally right now.

I was excited at first, but now DS just seems so young. I can't help feeling like I'm cutting his babyhood short and feeling so so guilty. He's at such a lovely age I can't help feeling like I wish it was going to be just the three of us for a little bit longer. Is feeling guilty normal or is it just that DS is still so little? Urgh.

I saw there was a very similar thread posted but didn't want to hijack as a decision had been made there.

Do you want practical tips? I have heaps. Am sure others do too.

Ferris wheel I'd love to hear some practical tips please!

My dc's are 2 years apart so cannot advise in that respect, but my younger sister and I are exactly 12 months and 10 days apart and we love it!
I always had a companion growing up and we shared a king size bed until we were 14 I never felt robbed of my childhood in fact it was the opposite!

@Masonmumny12 my boys are a year and ten days too. We have many good days. Today is a bad day. No reason, just my head space.

My number one tip would be to try to keep positive!

Make a packed lunch in the morning for your one year old and yourself. It means youve no extra dishes at lunchtime.

When possible feed them their main meal at lunchtime and when you are weary in the late afternoon reach for the already made packed lunch or toast with a bit of fruit.

Pack your hospital bag way before you need it. You will be tired!

Floor wipes buy you extra time with your kitchen floor.

Empty the bin before it needs it.

Wet wipes in every car door pocket.

One size of nappies. Its one less thing to check and you can put a tiny baby in big nappies, you cant do it the other way round.

A soap bag with wipes, nappy bag and nappies. Always have one under the buggy, in your car and in your bag.

Always replenish supplies after any outing.

Another soap bag with raisins, bubbles, plasters, handwash is helpful.

Put your big one to a childminder for a couple of hours before the wee one comes along.

Ill try and think of more...

Anything you are especially worried about?

I can relate, I'm nearly 38 weeks pregnant and DD is only 13 months old.

I have my days where I feel sad for her, that it won't be just the 3 of us, and that she will have to share me when she is still so little.

But then I remind myself that it will be beautiful for her to have a sibling, and that she is so little she will adapt quickly.

I'm more excited and nervous now, and looking forward to being a family of 4 :)

Thank you Ferris wheel
By soap bag do you mean a little zip lock bag?

Also will the One size nappies- I assume you mean as emergency back ups? Keep those in the car?

Great suggestions! I'm worried about keeping the house tidy and clean. I'm so exhausted now and sturuggling to keep on top of it...and my DC1 is sleeping through the night (35 weeks pregnant though so hoping that's why)

No, i mean the type of soap bag you get from the pound shop. I found a large handbag with separate soap bags for toys, nappies or whatever much easier to manage.

Ive mostly cleared out the garage and have their toys boxed up in there. I swap them regularly and when its raining the box swapping gets me, and them, through the day. It mostly means there are never that many toys on the floor.

Always make sure you exhaust yoir biggest little one. Walks to the shop or whatever. Easier for sleep.

I also read on mn that you should always clear the kitchen before the morning. Its not easy but definitely worth doing.

Ill keep thinking...

Ohh yes I know what you mean by soap bag. What a good idea! I I'll get a few. One for the car, one for the pram e.t.c

Yeah, and a spare one waiting to hand to someone who has offered to help. My youngest is now 2.5. Ive found that what ive needed to carry changes but a spare soap bag with raisins etc is so handy.

With hindsight i think id also buy a decent thermos cup for my tea in the morning because i ended up drinking far too many fizzy drinks because i didnt have time for my tea and it got cold.

I also keep a roll of bin bags in the back of the car. A pound for trolleys etc in the door of the car.

I eventually found that my Graco buggy was good for the town but having an umbrella folding side by side buggy for the car meant there was always a buggy available. I didnt have to lift in and out of the car before going anywhere.

Im on a roll...id get the big two fed at least one meal out and about. Get a packed lunch bag with ice box and have sandwiches in and feed them whilst wandering round the supermarket. Saves clearing up the mess at home. Sounds awful but see when youre tired...

In your soap bag start collecting small toys to fill it with. Make sure they are interchangeable so the same half dozen things can be swapped.

What do people do about bedtimes..? My 16 month old is an absolute nightmare when it comes to bedtime and my husband works nights/latest quite often. Wtf am I supposed to do with two babies who need to sleep

How old is your other baby?

I'm 36 weeks pregnant so am starting to really panic about the arrival of the second with the current sleep problems.

I organised my one and two year old as much as possible to their usual routine. I kept my newborn out of the equation and went with the flow as much as possible.

Then as my newborn grew id put him to bed first.

Then one day, about maybe 10 months old, he realised he was missing out by going to bed first so now they all go to bed at the same time.

My one and two year olds went to bed easily with a bottle of milk or nuby beaker of milk. I stopped that eventually and it was surprisingly easy to do so.

Mine have a nightime programme rather than a story. I cant cope with a storytime at that point at night. A nightime peppa is easy. There is a clear point when it is over.

But the best way of sorting bedtime is by making sure they are knackered.

And i mean knackered.

When they were 1, 2 and 3 during the winter id get them ready for bed and then put them in their fleeces, hats, scarves and wellies. The big ones would be on their bikes and the wee one would be on one of those tricycles with a handle and wed whizz round the village.

In the house, peppa and then bed.

They were desperate for their bed.

And if they had their main meal at 11 then their dinner at 4 and a snack later you will have likely had time to deal with the debris by then.

Its all about keeping it simple and keeping the decks clear.

Im loving this. Its a nice trip down memory lane. Anything else?

Do you have a garden?

What kind of a nightmare at bedtime?

Excellent advice thanks. We have a rubbish garden so it's not really of much use to wear her out unfortunately! To be fair I think as I've got more and more tired in pregnancy I'm less active with her so she probably isn't as worn out.

She's never gone down particularly well but lately she won't go down at all. She stands in the cot and screams/coughs until she's sick, throws things on the floor, bangs her head etc. Even if I sit in the room with her so she can see me she still gets angry and upset. I know we should try controlled crying but I've never really liked the thought of it!

I'm 32 weeks pregnant. Ds2 due in May, Ds1 will be 3yrs in June.
I have felt guilty all the way through this pregnancy. Like how is ds1 gonna cope with having to share my attention, etc..

Controlled crying is awful. But so is being completely demented both day and night because there is no end point to the day. Or feeling like your eyes are drooping closed when you are driving because you are so tired. Or being irrational during the day when it is supposed to be nice because you are knarcky and resentful because they cant achieve a skill youve never taught them.

My friend also cleverly said to me that i could sort his sleep now or wait until hes older and would remember.

My advice would be to talk about it with your child. Tell them all day lo g that tonight would be different. Not a silly bedtime, a happy bedtime. Then, for my first, i went in after 3 minutes, then 5, then 7, then 9....

I had to write it on a piece of paper to keep track. And my friend was texting me to keep me strong

Remember that to start and not follow through is so cruel because theyve had the penalty for no reason.

I had one really terrible night and by day 3 it was sorted.

Why is your garden crap? Even throwing a ball for them to collect and bring to you. Or put lego bricks out there on a sunny day.

I put mine out after their shower to run around in the summer. I then take the toothbrush to them to brush their teeth.

Any other worries or questions? :)

Your sixteen month old will be able to do a £25ish plastic wide seated balance bike. I let mine use theirs in the living room til they could manage. Then they whizz round the park and get so tired.

Plan making your eldest tired.