Baby's father being nasty then nice then nasty again help!

[Josiematts]

Hi I'm 14 weeks pregnant and 29, I got pregnant with a guy that I have been on and off with for 4 years. After a lot of thinking I knew I couldn't go through with an abortion. The father was in Thailand for a month and I messaged him to say we need to talk can he call me when he is back, he demanded I tell him over message (which I regret doing now) and it went as you would expect he was horrible and said he didn't want to know so I left him to it and carried on with planning as a single mum.
A month later he sees a story I put on Fb about my friends being supportive and goes ballistic sending me abusive messages saying I'm a DNA thief and ruining his life. I tried to be understanding and just explained my reasons and that I hadn't made this decision lightly or done it on purpose. A few days later he apologised said he will find it hard not to be involved and to let him know how my scan went the following day.
I sent him a pic and told him how it went and asked if we could maybe meet up just to talk as I hadn't even seen him since before I found out I was pregnant and he went to Thailand everything was over message. He said yeah he would see me this weekend, then by pure chance I saw him in the same restaurant as I was in with friends, he hugged me but looked very shocked at my bump so I had a quick word with him outside and he said he would come see me the next day then left.
The next day I just got a ton of messages saying he didn't see the point in us meeting up and I was unfair, his head was messed up and any information I need I can just message him for. And I've already made all the decisions so why do we need to talk.

I just don't know what to do I want to understand him but going hot and cold is confusing and hurtful, it just feels like he hates me and is pushing for an abortion, obviously I want him around but I'm worried it just won't happen or he will keep changing his mind and I'll just get abuse anytime I put anything on Facebook.
Has anyone else been through this? Any advice I just can't stop crying and have no motivation it makes me so sad as I was so happy before.

He will make your life so much harder. You made the decision to keep your baby and go it alone. I honestly think you should stop contacting him.

I agree with the above. Stop all contact with him, if he reaches out to you once the baby is here, set the terms of the child care arrangements that suit you and the baby. If he becomes unreasonable or unreliable then tell him to go away for good. Your baby comes first and will need stability.

Block him on all social media, phone, email etc. When baby is born send him an email letting him know then ignore any further contact with him. Contact child maintenance options to initiate child support payments. Give them all the details you have for him and let them chase him for payments. If he wants contact he can have his solicitor contact you. You get on with your life. He has already been abusive. He will again. It’s up to you to be smart and prevent him having the opportunity.

I really think you need to take the control back, tell him you’re going to go it alone then unfriend him on social media, or at the very least put him on a restricted thing where he can’t see your posts. If he starts to act like a grownup then you can take it from there. Good luck.

Thanks guys I’ve blocked him on everything I know his mum so will get info through that but I suppose in a bad way I was still holding out hope he would come around. I realise that’s no good for my mental health and that is how I keep letting him back in (even before the pregnancy)

OP you may find that you want to have direct contact with him at a later point. Maybe in months, maybe in years. It’s up to you and may be the right thing for your situation. However I think it might help for you to decide now to have a zero tolerance policy on abuse. Meaning as soon as he becomes aggressive or abusive/nasty in messages then you can shut down the contact and revert to contact via a third party. You don’t even have to remind him of your policy or let him know it exists. You don’t have to explain why you’re going back to indirect contact or ask him to treat you respectfully. It’s not on his terms, it’s yours. you get to decide what you tolerate and you also get to decide what your baby witnessed/is subjected to. If you take the zero tolerance stance from the very start then your baby stands a far smaller chance of ever witnessing his/her mother being abused. Please dont under estimate the importance of that. It has an impact. Trust me.

I wish I had realised I could take control much sooner. It would have saved me and my children a lot of hurt.