Advice for Birth Partner

[Catz]

Having watched the Panorama programme the other night, it seems to me that having a good birth partner who knows what should be going on and can ask the right questions etc is crucial if things are fraught and you aren't getting enough support from staff.

I was a bit concerned watching Panorama with DH (who is my 'birth partner)' as he wasn't fazed by it at all. His attitude was that it was all sensationalised (which it was) and there were probably good explanations for most of the things going on e.g. the woman in the corridor wouldn't have been there unless hospital staff thought it was OK and it was probably just that she'd come to hosital too early.... It has to be said that that woman's partner was (in the clips that were shown) just standing about with his hands in his pockets doing very little to help and I'm concerned that DH would take a 'Dr knows best' atitude too easily. Equally, stressing about every small thing will hardly help either.

Would anyone have any advice/books to read for a first time birth partner for a first time mum? I am sure that I'll be more relaxed and able to concentrate on what I'm doing if I have someone I can trust with me. Thanks.

"What to Expect When You're Expecting" has quite a decent section on labour and delivery which includes bits specifically for the birth partner to read. I know my husband found it quite helpful to read although I'm not sure how much he managed to put into practice as I had a very straightforward delivery and he didn't need to do much other than hold my hand and mop my brow at the pushing stage.

If things hadn't gone so smoothly and if I'd had very fixed ideas about what I did and didn't want intervention/painkiller-wise, etc, the main role for him would have been as my advocate, and I think that's crucial for any birth partner too. If you're not being kept fully informed of what's happening by the medical team, your birth partner can pester them with questions on your behalf. Make sure they know in advance what questions to ask, and also ensure you discuss your birth plan (if you have one - I didn't) fully too, so he/she is comprehensively aware of your stance on the various decisions you might be asked to make when you're in labour.

Definitely recommend this . Would recommend it for both of you, a v easy read, chapter for partners, trying to badger DH into reading it!

'What to expect' - DH chucked the book across the room and said it sounded patronising (but then he never read up on anything and got a lot more from the NCT classes). Yehudi Gordon's "Birth and beyond" is very detailed and reassuring for any reader(not sure about graphic photos though!). I'd avoid those "Bloke's guide to becoming a father" books as they seem to assume the DP is a beer-swilling footie obsessive who doesn't know a baby's bottom from its head. I got an American book in a 2nd hand shop, 'The Birth Partner's Handbook' - too reliant on the USA medical system but it did have handy tips on what the partner could do - except DH,as I said, never read it...