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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To feel sad that my OH has done it all before...

43 replies

AriAliyah · 08/03/2018 19:27

Is anyone else having a baby with someone who has already had one? Starting to sink in that he's done it all before with another woman. His daughter doesn't bother me, I like having her around. I just can't get rid of this feeling of him not being excited, and knowing the midwife can't say 'congratulations on your first born' to us. Am I being silly?

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Original poster

AriAliyah · 08/03/2018 20:05

@Reader1984 have you talked to your partner about it? Mine doesn't say anything other than they argued all the way through their pregnancy and that he's happy to be having a baby with me. The comments comparing us bother me. I tell him not to but they just come out like verbal diarrhoea!

OP posts:

Redken24 · 08/03/2018 20:05

I must have missed the post about comparing.
Tell your other half to stfu with that the now.
It's your first pregnancy the only experience your interested is your own.

Original poster

AriAliyah · 08/03/2018 20:06

@Redken24 don't worry! I should've included it in my original post. That's my bad.

He has verbal diarrhoea sometimes. It drives me mad!

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Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 08/03/2018 20:07

My DH already had a child. Tbh he was almost as clueless as me, but with the exception that he knew it was going to be hard work in a way that you only really can when you’ve had a new baby, so at least he was prepared and totally understood he had to do his share.

HumpHumpWhale · 08/03/2018 20:08

I totally get why you feel like that, but speaking as someone who has two kids, the experience of having my second baby was a LOT nicer than my first. I didn't have the blind panic or shock. I think often, when people are asking if it's your first, it's partly to guage how sorry to feel for you. The second baby is no less special because they're a whole person that's half you. All babies are so so amazing. And I think it might be quite nice if one parent isn't totally shell-shocked...

user1499786242 · 08/03/2018 20:08

Have you told him how shit it makes you feel?
I would try and nip that in the bud asap!
No one likes being compared and you're feeling hormonal and I don't blame you for feeling upset!!

Original poster

AriAliyah · 08/03/2018 20:10

@Slightlyperturbedowlagain @HumpHumpWhale thank you. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a huge issue and it just nags at me from time to time. Thanks for your responses. We are so so happy

OP posts:

Original poster

AriAliyah · 08/03/2018 20:11

@user1499786242 I have. He's a muppet and forgets and he thinks he's being nice as he does it to try and convince me my symptoms are normal. It works, then makes me mad!

OP posts:

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 08/03/2018 20:13

Dh and I only have kids together.

After dd was born and did her first poo we had to change her nappy. Despite the fact that we had carefully looked up beforehand what to do we still got in a bit of a mess!

The HCA (who looked about14!) had to come and demonstrate.

You will, at least, be saved from that.....

VileyRose · 08/03/2018 20:16

It honestly is still so special. I had 3 DC when I met my OH. When people asked I just said 'first together' and that was that. It was still sooo amazing at the birth and afterwards..honestly x

SpriteGirl · 08/03/2018 20:27

I am pregnant with my first and my DH has a 7 year old from a previous relationship. I thought I would feel how you are feeling and I suppose I have done a bit but overall it’s been about us. And it is our first baby together.

And I know he knows how to change nappies etc and is a hands on Dad so that’s a big plus.

Your DH shouldn’t be comparing though, and you need to explain to him how it makes you feel. Everybody and every pregnancy is different. This is yours and unrelated to his past experience.

InRainbows · 08/03/2018 23:23

My OH has two teenage kids, perhaps it's easier for me because it was such a long time ago but I only see his experience as a positive thing. I love asking about the birth of his kids and am so reassured by his knowledge and confidence. I see this baby as equally as special as his first two and I love that I have an insight into his qualities as a father, I know he does a brilliant job and can't wait to see him give the same love to our child. For me I genuinely think I would rather be in this position than with a novice dad as I tend to be quite nervous so need the emotional reassurance of someone I trust and who is in control (literally couldn't think of anything worse than me and my OH going into freak out mode during labour!)

lookingforaline18 · 09/03/2018 06:36

This baby is YOUR first op
And your first baby together.

Both two very special things.

NotAgainYoda · 09/03/2018 06:44

Feelings are bound to run high when you are pg. But honestly, this baby will be special to him.

Starryskiesinthesky · 09/03/2018 06:59

I would feel the same. I think your first pregnancy and child is so different as it's all new whereas it's not for your partner and he has experienced it all with someone else. But, there's nothing that can change that so it is about putting it to the side and focusing on all the positives!

vanessa6734 · 09/03/2018 07:28

When HCP ask if its your first when you are pg I think they really mean is it YOUR first pregnancy, its irrelevant to them really if it is your DHs 3rd or 4th child.

In terms of being special each child is totally unique and my second pregnancy was no less special. Him comparing you though is off, my aunt constantly compared me to my cousin in pregnancy and it drove me mad "she is much bigger than you" "her baby moved around lots by this stage", carried on once baby was born too!

lozzalou93 · 09/03/2018 08:02

I felt and do feel the same.. my DP has been there 3 times before. What you feel is perfectly normal.. you want it to be special. BUT it will be special because it’s with you and that’s what I have come to realise.
He should not be discussing what him and his ex did however, that I would find very disrespectful. It’s not about them but about you and quite frankly what they did is irrelevant considering you’re the one carrying the baby now! Just relax and enjoy your pregnancy and have faith knowing you already have a man who’s a good dad :)

bitzy12 · 09/03/2018 08:07

I think you need to try let this go op. Its not something worth getting upset about. Try look at it as he can be a good support to you as you've been there before?

I'm pregnant at the min, me and dh have dcs already seperatley. He knows everything and I find it better as he knows what to expect.

It would only bother me if he wasn't excited about the pregnancy but he really is - we both are. He loves this baby just as much as his other dcs.

There's really nothing you can do about the fact he's been through it before so it's best to just put it to one side and concentrate on the new baby and your new family :-) that's what's important here x

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