Time Off Work Guilt

[AKP79]

I'm 21 weeks and up until now I have only had one day off sick due to pregnancy related symptoms at around 14 weeks. I'm one of those people who would rather come into work feeling shocking than face the self inflicted guilt of a day off.

Today I have rushed around getting my child to school and have come into work, but I'm feeling terrible. I can't pinpoint how I'm feeling exactly, just headachey, restless, light headed, exhausted, anxious and generally under the weather.

I hate taking time off work and feel really guilty for doing so. Not asking for anyone's permission to go home, just wondered what perimeters people set for taking time off?

Not even sure this is an answerable question. Maybe I just needed to offload how I'm feeling today...

I'm 8 weeks. Have been off work for 3 weeks now, knocked on my arse with morning sickness. I feel really guilty but there's no way i could do my job feeling like this (secondary school teacher). Doubt I'll be back next week either.

Shit happens. Try not to beat yourself up.

It's hard isn't it? Ultimately if you have one or 2 days off to rest do you think you'll peform better at work when you go back than if you plow through how you're feeling?

I've got 5 dc, worked in the office with dc1 & 2, from home with dc3 & sahm for dc4 & 5, I've felt awful & exhausted in weeks 24/25/26 with all of them. In the end when I was working I did take a couple of days leave (small company & it was possible to put a/l request in at short notice) & actually did feel better for it when I returned. With dc4 & 5 I think I resorted to Peppa Pig slightly too much for a few days & reelaxed as much as possible until it subsided.

Pregnancy isn't an illness but it is growing a baby & that really takes it out of you so don't feel guilty if you do decide to take a couple of days out.

Thanks ladies.

I think you may have hit the nail on the head @BernardsarenotalwaysSaints - I work in a small company, which is predominantly male, so I don't want to be seen as though I'm treating pregnancy as an illness - especially on International Women's Day of all days!

However, they are the nicest bunch ever and all very family minded, so I know they'd support me.

With my first, it was fine. I could push myself loads knowing that as soon as I got home I could rest and chill and my weekends were mine. However, now I'm really struggling, my husband is great, but there's little rest time so when I have days like today they knock me sideways. I'm sleeping from 8pm until 7am some nights in an effort to feel more human.

I think I'll power through until lunch time and see how I feel then. Really helps to talk these things through sometimes.

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough start @BossWitch

Cheers - I found it really tough at first as I didn't have this with my first pregnancy.

Personally though, I hate the whole 'pregnancy isn't an illness' idea. To me, it comes from a quite misogynistic place that belittles women's pain as unimportant and 'natural' and tells us to put up and shut up. I don't give shit about the cause of my being constantly nauseous, vomiting, unable to stand up straight without dizziness. Why are those symptoms less valid because they are caused by pregnancy, than if they were caused by a virus or bacterial infection?

Having been signed off by my GP really helps with my guilt. I have to keep looking at the tick in the box next to "you are unfit to work" and think, yep. That's it. Not fit to work. For whatever reason.

Superb point @BossWitch it's definitely made me reconsider myself.

I think if I was feeling like you were then I definitely wouldn't be feeling the guilt and worry I am (although I'm a naturally anxious person who worries about everything).

I'm just feeling generally shit and don't have anything really tangible, which is what's making me dither about it all. Then I wondering whether this is how everyone's feeling and I should just accept it and pull myself together. I'm slightly worried that ante natal depression is knocking at my door - suffered terribly with it and post with my son.

I posted something similar this week and got lots of very nice replies pointing out that you need to think of yourself and the baby. Ultimately, if you aren't well enough to be in work then you can't go.

I've had the same guilt. I had one day off at 24ish weeks with heavy bleeding. And 2 half days off with a back injury (came in to teach 2 senior classes like a total martyr which was just stupid). For me the guilt comes from all the extra time off for appointments as I had pre eclampsia last time so I have midwife/consultant/scans so regularly now. Pretty much weekly in fact.

At the end of the day, your health/body/baby is important and if that necessitates time off then that's what you do.

I'm a nurse on a ward and a couple of weeks ago when I was 6 weeks pregnant I was having anxiety attacks (i had a mmc 14 months ago and couldn't relax until I'd had an early scan). I couldn't breath, I lost my appetite, I was crying all the time, I felt completely exhausted. A close colleague advised me to take some time off as I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be nursing other people.
I took a week off and I felt so much better for it. When I went back in though my manager completely ignored me and never bothered to ask how I was feeling. I think we just need to put ourselves first sometimes xx

Pregnancy is not an illness, no, but it does cause a lot of illnesses and difficult symptoms that need to be looked after just like if you were suffering for some other reason. Sometimes you just feel wrong and need to rest and sort yourself out - it could be tiredness or it could be something else and you would be really glad you had listened to your body if there was something badly wrong.

I agree with @BossWitch. I have been off for pretty much the whole of my pregnancy so far due to a none related issue there are days I feel guilty and think I could probably drag myself to work but then I look at the (now pile of) doctors notes and think if the GP thinks it’s bad enough to be off (he has coerced me into being signed off for longer numerous times now) then it is best for me and baby that I stay at home, continue to rest and continue to ride my way up the waiting list to be seen to get the problem sorted!

I know a lot of my colleagues think I’m using pregnancy as an illness. But at this point in time their opinion doesn’t matter, I will ask them to share their opinion when they are medically trained.

I was signed off work for 10 weeks with HG and then the first like 3 weeks I was back I only did afternoons, and then the next two weeks I booked both Wednesdays off to break up the weeks, then the next few weeks I moved my hours back a bit so I could come in a bit later and I've mostly gone back to normal now except I come in 30 minutes later and only take 30 minutes for my lunch instead of our hour we're meant to. I was only in my job two months before becoming pregnant too. I felt really anxious about it whilst I was signed off but I was bed-bound with sickness so it was clearly impossible for me to be at work. My work were really good about it (as they bloody well should be). If you're too ill to work you are too ill to work.

You are so right! Pregnancy is not easy at all, I have had many medical conditions (some of which I have needed surgery for) but NOTHING as hard as pregnancy.
Nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, pain, the mental challenges = an illness.
Fact.