Friends don’t understand

[Alicia870]

I have 2 close friends who both have no kids and never had a pregnancy before. I’m finding it really difficult at the moment with feeling unsupported by them. I’m coming to end of my first trimester and I’ve had sickness and vomiting for the past few weeks. They know I haven’t been well but rarely ask how I’m feeling. I only opened up to them about the pregnancy in the hope of having someone to talk to about it as they’re close to me but it hasn’t worked out that way.
We have a group chat and one of them did ask how I was the other night. I said I’m still feeling really sick and throwing up a few times a day and said it’s tough at the minute. They both made jokes and said if you think it’s bad now what will you be like when the baby comes. They have also made comments about other people who ‘never complained’ and ‘flew through their pregnancy’. I literally never text or call them saying I’m feeling crap but I only respond to them asking so I hardly think I’m complaining. I feel really isolated and misunderstood and feel that if they ask me again I will just have to say I’m fine even if I’m not as I feel like they’re judging me for not coping as well as others. We’ve all been through a lot and they are good friends but I find their comments hurtful and unsupportive and I’m worried about how having a baby will affect our relationships if they have such a lack of understanding. Has anyone else experienced this with friends?

💐op, I remember how sick I was with my second child for the first 3 months! 🤢 it was awful. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but once you've had your baby you will think differently about your friends and the people you surround yourself with. You will meet new friends some with and some without kids (just because you've got kids doesn't mean you instantly love everyone else with kids). If they can't show an interest now they're obviously not the people you thought they were, perhaps jealous or put out by the inconvenience of it all but their true colours are showing!

Sorry to hear this OP. Have you thought about doing NCT classes in your area? That way you will have the chance to make some new friends who know exactly what you are going through

You always find out who your true friends are when you get pregnant and have a baby. The people who I thought would be there through everything disappeared and the ones I thought would disappear, didn't and have been the greatest aunties to my boys. People surprise you and not always in a good way. I really hope they change their attitudes towards you, but if not then they were never your true friends.
It won't always feel so lonely trust me. I've met more friends since my boys have started nursery and school and they are all in the same boat and we laugh and joke and meet for coffee etc etc. X

“You’re pregnant not ill”.

I’m quite sure the op clearly stated that she is both pregnant and ill at the moment. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Op I’m pregnant and ill at the moment, but if memory serves me and I have similar luck to last time, at 12 weeks the worst is nearly over.

1st trimester is tough, not least because you have no bump and so people can’t ‘picture’ what you are going through. Yes, some people have no or bearable symptoms, but that doesn’t mean those that do are weak or making it up! Frankly it means nothing more than that the former are bloody lucky!

In my personal experience, women have not be as supportive to me as men, on the whole. So much for the sisterhood!

Stay strong, it does get better, and a cute bump is a great excuse for a new mini-wardrobe!

When you start planning all the bits and pieces you need it gets really real and exciting.

When you hold your baby... it does get better I promise.

Friendships can ebb and flow during different life circumstances, it’s a bit short sighted to cast off these friends now and just have “mum” friends as pp suggests. Time passes in a flash and by secondary school there will be no pickups and drop offs at the school gate so you won’t see any of the school mums again! Then when your kids get older and more independent, the difference between parents and the childfree closes again and you’ll want to be doing grown up things.

What I’m saying is, don’t take it so personally, pregnancy is not interesting to anyone else, and having young kids is such a tiny percentage of time in your life! Don’t give up on the close friendships you have because they’re not interested in babies, think about the friendship and if it’s worth keeping long term.

I have found that the friends who have kids have asked how I am throughout and made an effort, the ones who haven't had kids, haven't.
But then I will be very petty (and I will enjoy it) and I just won't show an interest when it's their time 😉 I hope they all suffer with extreme morning sickness, heartburn and SPD and insomnia like I have!

If they can't show an interest now they're obviously not the people you thought they were, perhaps jealous or put out by the inconvenience of it all but their true colours are showing!

But harsh I think!! For the minor few thus may be true... but on the whole I think women who have never been pregnant just don't know what it's like- obviously! That's not their fault! I will be very different in the future with pregnant friends than I have been in the past... as now I know what it's like and can understand! But before now I honestly didn't know much about pregnancy - morning sickness not being just a morning thing for instance, and I had no idea the first trimester is usually the worst!! I'd be pretty gutted if a friend cut me out or her life just because I didn't know much about pregnancy and didn't really know what to say! One of my friends is a bit awkward about my pregnancy and I think purposefully doesn't bring it up... but it's not because she's mean or hates me for goodness sake! :)