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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Feeling very alone

18 replies

Bonge · 05/03/2018 19:41

Hi everyone,

I was hoping to find someone to talk to. I am 24, 29 weeks pregnant and have recently been kicked out of my family home after having an argument with my step mother (I asked for her to turn down the TV as I was very tired with back ache) and was told to leave. I am now living with my partner's family as my mother lives far away and my partner works in the town that we're living in.

I feel very uncomfortable here, so uncomfortable that I worry about going to the toilet in case someone sees me. I am in pain constantly with my back and am constantly exhausted.

My partner works, I got let go after I told my boss that I was pregnant. I am so so lonely and have 11 weeks left of my pregnancy.

My dad used to be my best friend, but will now only talk to me when my step mother isn't around. I really don't know what to do.

Sorry for the rant!
G

OP posts:

DirtyThirties · 05/03/2018 21:31

Didn't want to leave you hanging. Have you gone on the MN Local pages to try to find other expectant mums in your area? It might help to get you out of the house and find some support. Is your partner supportive when he's home? Do you have a longer term plan for finding somewhere to live?

I'm sorry you're in this position and I'm sure things will work themselves out when you get settled into a new routine

Brownbear84 · 05/03/2018 21:32

Feel sorry for you,have you got somewhere else lined up to live? You could focus on that,design the rooms how your gonna decorate etc xx

Original poster

Bonge · 08/03/2018 18:06

Thank you for your response and so sorry about the delay.

I'm very isolated at the moment. My partner doesn't seem to want to complete the application for the council (he needs to provide payslips which he hasn't) and our deadline is in less than 2 weeks. I don't think he wants to be in a hostel, but I've assured him that it will only be temporary.

I am tempted to just leave when he's at work and go to the council as a single parent? I don't want to be here, I know it's a roof but his dad smokes in the house and all I can smell is a fog of smoke. I don't want my baby being in this environment, not to mention that the house is beyond filthy.

Baby is due in nearly 10 weeks and I'm terrified as I don't even know where we'll live. I feel like I've let her down and she isn't even born yet.

OP posts:

FranticallyPeaceful · 08/03/2018 18:26

Go as a single parent and get emergency housing quicker. If he doesn’t want to live there then it’s his problem. You have 11 weeks to go (maybe less) and I absolutely feel for you not being in a stable living environment.
Just remember your baby doesn’t care where you live but it does matter that you are comfortable. It’s a time you should be in your own bubble and not worrying about going to the toilet and being around smoking is obviously not okay once baby is here.

Also your stepmum is a cunt.

Brownbear84 · 08/03/2018 18:42

Passive smoking is bad for you now never mind when the baby arrives. Get your things and go Hun,get yourself and baby sorted,stuff the other half! He's been unfair xx

pissedoffnurse101 · 08/03/2018 18:44

Sorry to hear this, not much help but on what grounds did your boss let you go? I thought it was illegal to let someone go for being pregnant!!

TheCatsMother44 · 08/03/2018 19:06

Are you in the uk? It's illegal to let someone go when they're pregnant if the reason is that they're pregnant.

Is there any way you can get help from your council?

Speak to your citizens advice bureau for advice. Also, you really shouldn't feel the way you do about going to the toilet. Has something led to you worrying about being seen? Have your in-laws done something to make you feel unwelcome?

Original poster

Bonge · 08/03/2018 20:06

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your advice.

As for my job, I'd only been there for two weeks when I found out that I was pregnant, so I was still in probation. I suppose it was my fault, really. I knew my now ex boss for about 3 years prior so I told him as soon as I found out. I was very slim before I got pregnant and gathered that I'd start showing quickly (which I did) so I thought that it was best to be honest.

A few days later, he fired me. Said that I'd failed probation and that I hadn't demonstrated that I'd be able to do my job properly (no prior warnings or anything). He even fired me in a communal kitchen which was shared by about ten other offices. I was humiliated.

As for my in laws, I don't really know them too well. I've only been with my partner for about 18 months and they're quite closed people. I'd always felt awkward being there before and always dreaded it. I am trying my best to socialise, though. I'd hate for them to feel awkward with me being there.

I'm absolutely terrified of the future. I've given my partner until Tuesday to get his side sorted, otherwise I'll go to the council on my own. I really don't want my baby to grow up in a broken home like I did, unless of course it's necessary.

Sorry for the essay and thank you everyone who's responded x

OP posts:

SoFancy · 08/03/2018 20:13

Your post has really touched me. I think in your position I would go to the council and get emergency housing as a single expectant mother.

You should also seek some advice re: benefits. The CAB is a good place to start.

I know it’s daunting, but if you can get the ball rolling on these two crucial things as soon as possible it will help your situation in the long run.

Will you have any support after the baby is born? Emotional or practical? Say from the in laws?

SoFancy · 08/03/2018 20:14

I meant away from the ILs

Original poster

Bonge · 08/03/2018 20:21

Hi SoFancy,

I'll definitely talk to the CAB. I don't even know where to start, I'll just have to explain my situation and go from there. I'm really scared.

I don't know who I'll be able to talk to once the baby's here. I'm so heartbroken as my dad and I used to be so close. I hate to say, but I was so upset/shocked/terrified when I found out that I was pregnant back in September. I'd just started a really good job in the city and everything was planning out. My dad promised that everything would be ok and that he'd support us.

I don't know where to turn now. I have to try and be strong for my baby, she deserves better than this! It's just very worrying for me not knowing where I'll live when my baby is born. One of those situations that you'd never think would happen to you.

OP posts:

SoFancy · 08/03/2018 20:38

You’re young enough to build your career in future...don’t let that worry you now.

The pressing issue is having somewhere you feel comfortable to live in when the baby is here. By comfortable, I don’t mean glamorous. A room somewhere from the council might fit the bill...only you know that. But it’s about having somewhere you feel at peace mentally.

I worry that your partner isn’t supporting you in the way he should be at the moment. How is the relationship generally?

Brownbear84 · 08/03/2018 21:45

Feel for you I really do xx

MNHQ

DawnMumsnet · 08/03/2018 21:50

Hi Bonge,

Sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time.

We can see you're getting lots of good advice and support from other Mumsnetters who've already mentioned the Citizens Advice Bureau - here's a link to their housing webpage.

We just wondered if you've heard of an organisation called Gingerbread? It provides information and support for single parents. There's a general information page here which gives information about benefits, housing, work, managing money and lots more. There's also a webpage listing
housing options for single parents should you decide to move out.

Hope these links are helpful. Wishing you all the best for the safe arrival of your little one.

Original poster

Bonge · 09/03/2018 15:22

@SoFancy

You're so right. I just want to feel comfortable and not anxious/uptight when the baby's here. I think being a FTM will be hard enough, without all of this. I'm consoling YouTube for Antenatal Classes too, as they're £100 for a day now! No way that I'd be able to afford that right now.

Our relationship was fine until we got kicked out of my family home. He's incredibly laid back and blasé, which makes me worry that he's not ready to be a dad yet. It could be worse, though. He's starting his teacher training in September, so at least he'll have a career focus. I'm trying to be positive. I read that being overly stressed can induce early labour.

Thank you for your replies, they've really helped.

@Brownbear84
Thank you! xx

OP posts:

Brownbear84 · 09/03/2018 22:21

Keep us informed lovely,you do what you have to do for yourself and that little one xx

Aw12345 · 12/03/2018 20:15

Poor you, sounds awful. Go to the council and get help there, you can't stay in that awful environment :-(

And get support- NCT do free classes for people on benefits/low incomes and you'll be needing the support--- we all do when we're making a human!

Original poster

Bonge · 12/03/2018 20:55

@Aw12345 thank you so much for your response. I handed in our Housing Needs form today, so fingers crossed!

As for the NCT, I didn't realised that they did discounted classes! I'll definitely enquire tomorrow. I had just resigned to watching YouTube videos :)

Thanks again!

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