Pregnancy and bereavement

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

My father has just died and people keep telling me not to get too upset or I'll hurt the baby (25 weeks pregnant). Logic tells me that's probably ridiculous, my MiL's father died in horrific circumstances when she was pregnant with my sister in law and she's fine but I'm prone to negative thinking at the best of times so am currently going around in circles thinking I'm going to emotionally impair them at best or lose them at worst.

Any advice whether it's on how not to get too upset or what to say to well meaning but annoying people would be appreciated. I'm dreading the funeral for various reasons but this really isn't helping.

OP I am so sorry for your loss.

Being upset is not going to hurt your baby and please don't feel that you can't mourn your father properly.

There is a risk that you may not eat properly but the baby will take what it needs and you will be deficient.

Take your supplements, rest lots and speak to your MW.

Sending hugs xx

So sorry for your loss. My DH died when I was 36 weeks pregnant. Prior to that I slept on the hospital floor by his bed....

The stress cannot harm your baby. The baby is protected. Being upset will not harm your baby - that's just a myth pedalled by ppl who do not understand science and watch too many ITV dramas. Grieve now, before you have your hands full with baby!

Sorry to add-DD is absolutely fine, she arrived a week late with textbook labour. I certainly didn't eat properly due to the extreme stress. DD was just 8 pounds.

As it happens she's 3.5 now and only today having her first EVER proper sick day apart from chicken pox! Hard as nails and bright as a button

Stress and grief won't bother baby. That's a damaging myth for pregnant women who go through hard times, as many do. Try to take care of yourself physically but only because it'll help YOU cope. Baby will be fine either way and you certainly won't lose them.

I'm sorry for your loss.

As others above I grieved my sister whilst pregnant with my first. She has the strongest health of all my children.

So sorry for you loss. One thing I found very hard es to feel extremely sad (for my sister) and extremely happy (for my baby) and how different the pregnancy turned out to be emotionally wise to how I had expected it. I wish I had talked about it more but people tended to try and help me be “ok” when I felt I was both “ok and not ok”

I don’t think I am explaining it very well. I send you a virtual hug and I hope the experiences here help you reduce your worry.

My DW's father died when she was 6 months pregnant and our DD is fine, very calm and not an anxious baby at all.
She only felt that the baby was suffering at one point, which was when some of her relatives annoyed her and stressed her out to the point that she felt it physically. At that point the baby started moving in an uncharacteristically agitated way; that could just be projection though. So that's an argument for avoiding your relatives.
I did start saying to these relatives "if stress could end a pregnancy, nobody would ever need to get an abortion". It kind of worked because they didn't know what to say to that and changed the subject.
Sorry for your loss, OP. Let yourself grieve in whatever way works for you.

I'm so sorry for your loss

My mum's dad died unexpectedly when she was pregnant with me, and she told me that she got lots of those kinds of comments and it made an already awful, awful time even worse. As everyone else has said, it's rubbish - the stress and sadness of bereavement are horrible things for you to have to go through, but they're not going to hurt the baby. I was (and am) completely fine and healthy.

I think you'd be completely justified in saying something like 'thanks, but actually it's good for me to let the emotion out' or 'thank you, but the last thing I need is to be worried as well as grieving', or some other words to that effect - I think even if you're a bit sharp, that's fully justified under the circumstances and might help people to get the message clearly.

Thank you. Unfortunately the funeral is somewhat delayed due to the terrible weather we've had but on the plus side I have time to practice put downs/evil looks between now and then.

I had a sonographer once tell me not to cry at an emergency scan where we thought we'd miscarried (we hadn't) because it would upset the babies. So this outrageous myth is being peddled even by healthcare professionals.

Fortunately I knew it was bollocks.

I honestly don't think I could be polite if people kept saying this to me about my fathers death. I might go with "what utter bollocks".