Is this a stupid idea? Opinions wanted!

[FrauNeuer]

I may need some sense talking into me here, but I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and husband and I are thinking of adopting a rescue dog.

I’m pregnant through ivf and resigned from my job during treatment so I’m at home all day, although I’d like to get myself a little part time job until baby arrives. If everything’s ok with my pregnancy, I’ll be a stay at home parent for at least the first year.

I’ll have lots of time to devote to the dog at the moment and we’d like to get a rescue that has already been with a family so we know it’s temperament.

I think having a dog would be great exercise and I also believe that children should learn how to behave around animals and as a child I had a really special bond with our family dog.

MiL however thinks I’ve lost my mind and believes that I’ll regret this decision once the baby is here and demanding my attention.

So, are these pregnancy hormones severely impairing my common sense or can this work?

Don’t do it. You have lots of love and attention to shower on the dog now, but caring for it will become another chore once your little one arrives. May be better to wait a few years

Why not see if you can get a part time dog walking job instead? You said you want to do some work and it would be a great way to exercise until baby arrives and it's something you could easily stop if you need to (I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant and can barely walk to the kitchen now!!)

Yeah to echo other posters, don't do it.

We got our dogs a good few years before our daughter was born, and they are the easiest, most placid dogs in the world but it's still so much extra work. I love them to bits and would NEVER rehome but trying to walk them in the pissing rain with a screaming baby strapped to your front is about as fun as it sounds. We actually send our dogs to 'dog daycare' two days a week so they get nice long walks and I don't have to worry about DD trying to grab their ears all day 😬

You can't leave the baby and the dog alone together, so everytime you need to nip to the loo, to the kitchen, upstairs etc., you either have to take the baby with you or put the dog in another room. And if the baby will only settle upstairs the poor dog would be left downstairs alone all day. Oh and then there's the shedding, one of my Spaniels seems to blow his whole coat twice a week I kid you not 😫 I'm constantly picking hairs off DD...

Waiting until your child is school age would be a much better idea imo.

Also I think you'd find it very difficult to find a reputable rescue that would be willing to allow you to adopt a dog in your circumstances.

I have several friends who adored their dogs before their babies were born and sadly found them complete irritants after the baby arrived.

You can’t, for example, leave a baby alone in a room with a dog so everything gets a lot more complicated.

On the other hand friends who have bought dogs once their children were old enough to be involving the process and care of the dog have mostly found it a rewarding experience.

Perhaps wait until your child is older.

A lot of animal charities wont rehome to a family with very young children for the reason that they wont get the attention they require and often end up back at the shelter once they've chewed through enough baby toys or barked all night long. I rehomed a rabbit 4 years ago (yes, a RABBIT!) and was asked if I planned on starting a family within the next 6 months...

We have our lovely dog because a family member genuinely could not cope with her and a baby together. She tried so hard, but everyone was losing out. And she was a dog that they had had from a puppy, and was a known quantity.

I hate to add to the chorus of “please don’t”.

What Kilo said. Even if it wasn't a lousy idea; the rescue centres quite rightly wouldn't entertain you.

The key point there is “I have lots of time to give to a dog AT THE MOMENT”. Which is very nice for you, I’m sure. But dogs have a lifespan of 12-15 years. Please don’t do it!

What if your part time job were dog walking?

No. No no no no no no no no. No.
Just don't.

Big mistake.

We had a rescue dog but you never know the dogs temperament around a baby and that's an added risk. We were lucky with ours but puppies and rescue dogs can be hyper.

Wait for a couple of years, what would you do if you wanted to go on holiday? Sounds like MIL would say no to keeping dog if you went away?

Better to wait and raise a Toddler and puppy together so they become best friends and can help with the raising instead of being crowded.

And what would happen if child is allergic?

Thanks for the replies, ladies. I could’ve lived without the assumptions on whom the rescue centre will and won’t deal with. We’ve visited the centre and explained our circumstances therefore I’m fully aware of what their policy is on rehoming.

That said, I needed a wake up call. I don’t think i really have any concept of how tough this is going to be! I typically think that i can handle anything and take things in my stride but I totally understand the point that I’d be giving myself unnecessary problems.

It’s an idea I’ve had from childhood, long countryside walks with the kids and the dog! I guess that can wait.

What really sticks out here, however, is that potentially I could end up returning a rescue dog which would be criminally unfair, not to mention heartbreaking.

Thanks again for the reality check.

gryffen good point - I hadn’t considered allergies. I’m allergic to cats, so I guess it’s possible that my child might be more susceptible to allergies, too.

*I could’ve lived without the assumptions on whom the rescue centre will and won’t deal with. We’ve visited the centre and explained our circumstances therefore I’m fully aware of what their policy is on rehoming.

It’s not an assumption. It’s pretty standard across most decent rescues that they won’t rehome to families with babies or babies on the way. What is the policy in the rescue you spoke to?

Good update OP! You’ll have plenty of years to re-home a dog and go for family walks but I agree it will be a lot to juggle in the near future. My friends have a beautiful dog (they’ve had her about three years now) and she’s been their ‘baby’ since they bought her, they had their daughter about 2 months ago and the poor dog is very much in the shadows which obviously they can’t help, they have a demanding human being crying to them on a loop but you can see in the dogs face it feels very left out especially as it went from being their closest companion to now being in the way a lot. They still love her dearly and make an effort to take her out but that’s what it is now, extra effort as opposed to enjoyment and time with their dog. Good luck with your pregnancy and in at least a years time good luck with the new pooch!

Yeah, just to reiterate what everyone else is saying....

Absolutely, categorically, 100% do not do this.

I think back to those early days where having an 8 month old who is not eating or napping and whinging all day - add to that a yappy dog who is also demanding attention, and I think it would have sent me over the edge.

The thing is Frau that you might have an easy birth and an easy baby but equally you might end up with a section and a child that doesn’t sleep. There’s no way to know.

Waiting is a sensible decision. Think ahead to how much fun you’d have choosing a dog with your children in tow.

I had chickens and ducks, care for which consisted basically only letting them out in the morning and watering and m feeding, and popping down the garden once or twice to check on them, then shutting them up at night. It sounds ludicrous looking back but when my babies were really little I had a full blown meltdown one morning (snotty tears and everything) because the responsibility of the ducks and chooks on top of the babies (2 VERY close in age). I seriously considered selling them several times. If I had a dog i think I’d have had a breakdown, and I had pretty easy babies and am a natural ‘coper’. I’m glad you decided to wait. And your vision can still definitely come true! Just hang on until you get through the baby phase.

I am going to put another point of view.
My friends are dog people and have always had a dog. Their old dog died around the time she got pregnant. She started maternity leave and got a 12 week old puppy on the same day. We all thought she was mad.

We looked after the puppy when she went in to have the baby (she ended up being in for a week)

It worked for several reasons.

1. They are serious dog people and their lives revolve around dogs.
2. Her husband is as serious about the dogs as she is and for the first 6-9 months he did all the dog walking
3. The puppy was the gentlest sweetest animal, they chose a puppy from a mum and dad who were known for their temperament.

generally speaking, unless dogs have always been a part of your family, this is a nuts idea.
We told our friends they were mad, but actually the puppy and baby have grown up together.
The baby is now walking and they are hitting the problem of the toddler walking too slowly to give the dog a proper walk, but she doesn't want to be in the buggy.

We have fostered rescues and have now adopted one, and it is possible to find lovely rescues, but they do need careful chosing. Ours for example is as soft as butter, but a terrible food thief, which woul dhave been such a pain when the kids were little. And he needs walking for over an hour a day, which I could not have done when kids were younger.

I haven't read the full thread, but don't get a dog. My sister had a dog for 7 years before she had her 1st and unfortunately as much as she loves him, once the children arrived she simply couldn't cope with the dog and children. Not only that but children do not know their own strength so can easily hurt them without meaning to. My parents willingly took the dog and he is incredibly happy.