I’ve messed up again!!

[Carmen995]

I’m 29 and 32 weeks pregnant. Things were going great me and my partner were excited to be having this baby, 6 months ago we moved into our first house and pretty much had our future planned out. Anyway last Saturday he told me things weren’t how he’d imagined and this wasn’t the life he wanted, we had been together 5 years (living together for 3) and always talked about having a family , he was desperate to get married but I was never that bothered. I thought he was just freaking out over the baby but I’ve spoken to his sister and he’s not coming back (he’s gone back to devon, I live in hertfordshire). After getting over the shock I’m supprisingly ok about things I know I will love the baby more than anything (I’m a nursery nurse so know what to expect) but what is worrying me is that I cant really afford the mortgage repayments on the house by myself and I’ll have to return to work early when I had planned to take off 9 months. My parents are close by and very supportive but can’t help me out money wise and I wouldn’t expect them to but they have offered for me and the baby to move back in with them if we need to, they have a big house so space wouldn’t be a problem and we do get on well but it’s just not what I had planned. Any advice please someone help me out?

I personally would go back and live with your parents for now.

Who owns your house? If it's joint between you and your ex, then I'd sell it. If just you owns it, I'd rent it out (assuming rental income is the same or more than your mortgage payments) and move back at some point in the future.

Sounds like moving back to your parents would be the best option for now. Being a new mum can be really lonely, so think having the company of your parents will be a life saver if you get on well.

I wouldn't hesitate to take this option if I were you.

Agree that if it is jointly owned you want to get rid of it as it will be a massive hassle going forward if you both have a share in it.

The house is jointly owned and we have a joint bank account which we both pay in £750 a month from our wages to pay the mortgage and bills but obviously he’s not going to pay into that now so I will have to try and find all they money by myself 🙄

Shouldn't he pay child support to keep the house to raise your bubs in? Worth checking with the legal eagles....

OP I'm so sorry you're in this situation, I'm also 32 weeks pregnant and it sounds like you're handling this really well so far. I must admit when I first read everything through my initial feelings are that's he's freaking out massively. You guys have been together for 5 years after all, was everything alright beforehand? Are you in contact with him at all?
A DP of a friend did this shortly after they had their DD, he left for around 6 weeks after having a similar episode. He went back and He's a fantastic dad and DP now it just completely threw him. I'm not saying it's not an amazingly crap thing to do but it happens.
Be really really wary of paying the whole mortgage as it won't be of any benefit to you if you do have to sell (say you get tenants and rent it to cover things when you sell it's likely he will still get 50% even though he hasn't contributed) so probably for the best if you sell up as soon as you're sure it's what you want. Have you spoken to DP about the house?

I'm sorry you are in this position, but I don't think you are being fair on yourself with the title of this thread. If you were in a stable relationship and both wanted to have a baby, YOU have not messed up, he has had a childish panic. He may calm down once he's had a think about it, but you get to decide whether you are prepared to let him back.

Like a previous poster said, do not pay the mortgage on your own as you will not benefit. If he won't pay up, sell as quickly as you can and make a fresh start for you and your baby without being tied to him.

Good luck, you will come through this

wonder Everything was great before all this and he was the one who always wanted to get married and have children - I did as well but didn’t really think I would have children before 30, we were looking at houses for a year before we bought and had already put in an offer when I found out I was pregnant. I have tried contacting him but he won’t answer so I told his sister he has 1 week to contact me or he will be out of mine and the babies life forever - I know it sounds harsh but I don’t want him in my child’s life unless he’s totally committed.
If we sell the house and I have to rent it will only save me around £300 per month so unless I do move in with my parents I don’t know if it will be worth it or if I should pay him his half of the deposit we paid so I would fully own the house, I would take all my savings but I could probably just about scrape it together but would still have to find the money for payments each month. My mum and dad have always said they would be happy to help with childcare 2-3 days a week and I get 1/2 price fees at the nursery where I work (in a different room) so technically I could go back to work anytime but I’d feel so guilty about leaving my baby when they are so young. 😥

OP think you had a name change fail
If you can I would definitely buy him out if £300 is the only difference and you can manage it. If you do buy him out perhaps you could stay with your parents until you've got some savings under your belt and have tenants? Also you should never feel guilty about childcare arrangements, you're doing the best you can for you both that's a lot more than many receive.
I completely understand why you'd never want to see him again but you need to prepare yourself in case he officially requests access as given the situation he would likely be granted it.