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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

‘The next one’

13 replies

downinthedeep28 · 04/03/2018 14:03

Does anyone else get told to keep items for the next one?

Im currently 23 weeks with my first and unfortunately im not enjoying pregnancy- badish morning sickness cramps ect.

My other half keeps saying about having more which iv kind of just made a joke answer and brushed it of but yesterday his mom when shopping said it would be good to keep items for the next baby, when i said i didnt want another she just looked at me and said oh you will have another. I said no more on it and carried on shopping.

Later last night once home we were talking baby items what we still need ect and my other half said ‘all joking aside, some of the items will be good to keep’ i aksed why we would keep them and i was told they would be usefull for the next baby 😐

Im afraid i kind of snapped at him and replyed all joking aside i dont want another.

Dont get me wrong i know t may change at some point and i may want to have more children but right now i really dont

Why wont people understand that i dont want more then one child?

Sorry for the ramble thank you for anyone who managed to read it

OP posts:

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gryffen · 04/03/2018 14:12

In 2013 we had been told we would never be able to have kids and we would never qualify for IVF in Glasgow- in 2014 I had our first child.

In November last year I found out I was pregnant again without any help (ok lost 50kg) and I'm due in August.

Only thing we have kept is pram and car seat etc.

It's a very personal choice and men sometimes just don't get the total fear that we have to deal with and how much energy we use to grow babies etc. Not the first time I've threatened the hubby with two heavy pans between the legs.

Get through this pregnancy first and then clearly state you want some time to enjoy the baby etc.

Things may change but you as mama are the sole oven so your opinion has the most weight.

ClareB83 · 04/03/2018 14:27

Have you and your husband not discussed in advance how many children you would like to have?

As far as anyone else is concerned, I think people just assume you want two. And they'd find it funny you are dead against more when you haven't even experienced this one yet.

So I think 1) you are overdue a frank conversation with your husband about expectations and 2) cut your MIL some slack she's just making assumptions and ultimately she gets no say in the matter.

BertieBotts · 04/03/2018 14:31

Agree - have you not discussed this with DH? I would just try and talk about it at a time you're feeling calmer, not in the middle of an argument.

It's fairly normal for MIL and others to assume that you want 2, because that's the average, but your husband should discuss things with you and make a joint decision.

People also seem to get massively excited about pregnancy and want to shove loads of crap on you, you have to learn tactful ways of saying bog off, I do not want any more tat in my house which isn't to my taste.

GummyGoddess · 04/03/2018 14:35

Tell them to stop talking about it. They aren't the ones having to do it.

I didn't want another after DC1 (didn't want any at all until about 2 years before he was conceived) due to a massive amount of pain for weeks after having him. When I found out the pain was caused by my coccyx being pushed out of place by him being back to back and was easily sorted, I wanted another one.

If that had not been easily sorted then there is no way on Earth I would have taken even a tiny risk which would have resulted in pregnancy. I would not have coped as that was my absolute limit. If your limit is this then nobody can or should push you to do it again, being pregnant is really hard on your body. They definitely should not be causing you stress about it while you're currently pregnant, pregnancy sucks enough as it is.

meow1989 · 04/03/2018 14:43

It's odd isn't it? I'm 24 weeks with my first and very much wanted and adored baby. DH and I are currently in the mindset that we may only want the one, neither of our parents can seem to accept this easily and we get lots of comments about the next. I've just taken to saying that I'm still growing this one and I want to enjoy him as much as I can. I acknowledge that one he gets older and stops being a "baby" we may well change our minds about it having another, but I'm not going to spend precious moments of this little ones early life planning "the next one", I want to focus fully on him.

However, in your case I think you do need to have an open discussion with DH about how you feel about more (explaining it's current and you can't know how you will feel in x number of years) as it sounds like you may be in different pages with expectations.

Original poster

downinthedeep28 · 04/03/2018 15:53

Sorry should of said we have had talks in the past about how many children, iv always said one were as my OH has always wanted more but has always said he was happy with one.

But since finding out i was pregnant he has now changed to wanting three were as i still only want one

His mom is fantastic i guess im just annoyed at the look every one gives me when i say no more.

OP posts:

TheCatsMother44 · 04/03/2018 16:07

Have you and your husband not discussed in advance how many children you would like to have?

Discussions and decisions change. I'm also finding pregnancy harder than I thought it would be and I also know other couples who have had less children than they originally thought they would as the mother found it harder than she imagined pregnancy would be.

No one should be made to feel they have to stick to what they said in a conversation a while ago before they actually knew how things would go.

Twitchett22 · 04/03/2018 17:37

I don't think you can decide yet how many children you want. I've always wanted more than one but pregnancy has put me right off! Although very likely I'll change my mind again after having baby. Ignore your MIL they say inappropriate things anyway. Just say well we will just see how things go with one first.
But as for keeping stuff, it makes sense to put stuff in the loft when you're done with them just in case you have another so you don't have to buy again, then if you decide not to you can just sell them.
Tell dh that you're the one giving birth and if it's that awful that you don't wanna do it again then he'll have to deal with it!

ClareB83 · 04/03/2018 17:38

That's true. We always said two but now I'm pregnant with twins we're feeling a bit funny about this being 'it'.

So we've agreed to leave the door open to discussing a third later - after we've given two a go.

Other people do ask us as well. But they seem satisfied when we say we're not sure and just going to see how we feel.

I haven't enjoyed pregnancy that much but I also know that tends to fade once you have the baby.

WasThatPlaceTHESUN · 04/03/2018 19:05

They maybe just don't want you to make any decisions that you might come to regret, baby stuff is expensive after all! Before having DD I always wanted two children and hated the idea of just having one. Then DD came along and I swore off ever having another as I found the newborn stage so hideous. Now that DD is (slightly) more pleasant to be around and doesn't spend her days screaming I'm back to wanting two!

As for your DH wanting 3, it may all change once your baby is born. I have known plenty of people that say they want 3 or 4 kids then when baby no.1 comes along and they realise the work involved they often have a rethink! Likewise for people who only want one initially then go on to have more.

mischiefmanaged01 · 04/03/2018 21:57

If it’s any consolation my MIL announced the other day that she wants 4 grandchildren. She only has one child herself so I think this is a little unfair! She has shown very little interest in this pregnancy so far (number 1!) so we are just choosing to ignore her. DH has said he would be happy with one but if I wanted more then we would have another (I want 3 he ideally wants one haha)

anotherchangetomyname · 04/03/2018 23:14

We thought we'd have two. I hated pregnancy, had an awful labour, hated the baby stage, had pnd and have lasting birth injury. I'm certain there'll only be one now! Decisions can change. Husband is devastated but understands and accepts my decision. Other people are aghast that I only want one, even when I tell them why. I've been very close to telling them to fuck off. Including my own mother! I'm in the process of selling everything at the moment. We'll just buy it again if the need ever arises.

Zazzleza · 05/03/2018 20:02

I remember the horrified look on my mother’s face when I said I would only go through pregnancy line more time so this one had a friend to play with (I was about 24weeks with DD1).
I’m one of 4 and she genuinely loved pregnancy. I can safely say, I hate pregnancy.
After the birth of DD those lovely little happy hormones messed with my head and made me forget pregnancy and Labour.
I reverted back to wanting 3 children.
Here I am pregnant with no.2 and I am back to my original statement. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all worth it but personally pregnancy sucks. Dogs have the right idea! 9 weeks is doable but 9 months is a struggle! This will be our last baby.

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