Husband away at 37 weeks?

[Abercampbell]

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a dilemma. My husband's brother is getting married in August in Ibiza (his brother also permanently lives in Australia so not seen often) They have also asked our 15month old to be their flower girl, which is lovely I know.

However, on the day of the wedding I will be 37 weeks so categorically I definitely can not go.

I am also Type 1 diabetic which means I'm monitored a lot throughout pregnancy and ended up having a c-section at 36w 3days with my first because of some complications.

My husband would like to attend his brothers wedding obviously, and would only go for 2 nights but ultimately will do what I want.
My dilemma is obviously do I let him and my then 20 month old daughter go to the wedding, to see his brother get married and spend some time with the family, whilst I'm at home in probably drizzly England feeling punished for being pregnant and not being allowed to attend? Or do I not let him go but potentially not have an early labour and feel guilty for stopping him from going?

Finding it really hard to sort through in my head, and don't know if I'm just being bitter, sorry for myself and selfish to even consider not letting him attend?
I'd really appreciate your thoughts, many thanks

I'm surprised he wants to go to be honest! Maybe with a total risk free pregnancy but there's a very good chance he would miss his baby's birth and also you'll be 37 weeks pregnant! Won't you need him around?

If you have family to support you if you have the baby whilst he's there I would let them go. It will be hard and I'd probably feel a bit miffed and anxious with the previous birth not going to plan too but it's only 2 days, theyll be back before you know it

What a horrible situation- there's no right answer is there. I think if he goes he'd need to take daughter with him?

Think through how he or you would feel if he misses the birth? Do you have a reliable birthing partner? Who would give support?

As he'd be going for a short time it probably means if you do go into labour he will need to wait till scheduled return but at mac away for 3 days. My gut says I wouldn't want dh to go, even more so if it means being left with a young child heavily pregnant. It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask him not to in my view, try not to let the idea of what others will think influence your decision I guess. I know that's what would worry me, people thinking I'm "mean" but most people, particularly mothers, will absolutely understand.

Sorry I'm not sure that's much help!

My husband wouldn't have dreamed of not being around at that point.

Birth of his child > a wedding

Would either of you be happy to have the baby without him there? I had no issues and my waters broke dead on 37 weeks. I ‘think’ I would have been fine with just my mum there but it depends.

Agree with pp it all depends how you'd both feel if he misses the birth. Would he be upset? Would your mum be a good enough stand in?

I personally wouldn't want to risk it. So much can happen. I am also surprised that he wants to go in these circumstances.

That aside, a few questions. Do you have a viable plan if you went into labour when he was not here? Ie birth partner and journey to hospital. Would he immediately come back if you went into labour? Have you specifically asked him how he would feel if he missed the birth? If you are genuinely thinking about letting him go, these would be my starting points.

I actually think it's pretty crap of him to put this decision on you. I feel (but others may disagree) that in these circumstances he should automatically know the right thing would be to stay at home.

As an aside a friend lives in Australia. They set up a Skype for those who couldn't make the wedding. Not the same but still nice to be able to see it.

I agree that it is not fair to put the decision onto you. That being said you are perfectly entitled not to want him to go. I've also had an early delivery and am into 3rd trimester of a consultant led pregnancy and also wouldn't be happy with my husband being away at 37 weeks.

He wants YOU to decide if HE and your 20 month old should be around for the birth or not?

Talk me through that.

I agree that it is not fair to put the decision onto you. That being said you are perfectly entitled not to want him to go. I've also had an early delivery and am into 3rd trimester of a consultant led pregnancy and also wouldn't be happy with my husband being away at 37 weeks.

I'd let him go as long as you have someonr thst can help in an emergency 'just in case' - the odds are lower that it will happen on those exact two days. However I'm still in the first trimester and this is my first so what do I know...!

Difficult circumstances. My dh has to be away for work around the time for dc2. Luckily she came 2 days before he was due to go otherwise he would have gone as I have great support. Dc1 he wouldn’t have done as there was complications & he would wanted to be there just in case. Personally I’d say yes he can go but really only you can make that decision.

Are you planning to another section or are you hoping to have a VBAC? How frequent are flights? Realistically how soon could he be home if necessary?

He isn’t unreasonable to want to go to his brothers wedding, but if he books anything tell him to get travel insurance for cancellation! As much ‘support’ as you can have, I’m sure he doesn’t want to miss the birth of his child.

I was 38 weeks for my sisters wedding (I live abroad) and was very disappointed in the run up that I couldn’t go. I happened to have my DD the day before she got married so it totally made up for it!

Honestly I’d say he can go as king as he is willing to change plans very last minute if things aren’t going well.

I’m pregnant with our second and due in july, we’ve come to this agreement when DP will travel for 2 nights you germany when I’m 38 weeks. I had DS at 36+5 last time so it’s likely he won’t go but I’m happy for him to go as long as things are going ok in the few days beforehand. Do you have family support nearby? In case you had to have baby very suddenly, Ibiza is only a short flight but may be availability issues if he needs to come home last minute in peak seasons

Have you got someone else who can be with you while he's away just in case? If so, I'd probably say for him and your DD to go. DH missed the birth of DD2 although he arrived shortly afterwards. Neither of us feels traumatised by it: it's just how it happened.

Thanks so much for all of your replies. Really appreciate it. My husband is very supportive - I didn't mean for it to cone across as though he isn't. I think my main issue is what some of you mentioned about me being worried what others will think.
I'm very close to my sister and would hate to miss her wedding so I feel bad fpe him missing his brothers...although totally don't WANT him to go.
Thank you for the advice guys, I think weighing it up I know the chances are slim it would be on those 2 days. I will be monitored throughout and he has already said to his brother to act as though we won't be attending. I just have that nagging feeling of regretting him not going.
I think I will say to him to get cancellation insurance and that way it's easy for him to leave the flights if we do end up with any complications again.
Tricky! But thank you all! Hopefully this time it will all go smoothly. :)

Hi!
I do think that being pregnant requires extra caring from the side of your homies and it is quite risky to let your husband go.
We were in the situation when I was pregnant and my husband should have gone to Greece to confirm or deal about real estate. It was on my 38th week and I was in quite difficult condition but without going there, we couldn't get the house we wanted for like 3 years. So, I decided to imagine myself on his place, and decided I wouldn't even argue, cause it was our decision and if smth happens I have everything in case of support.
So, I would say that u needa think about it more careful and discuss it with the husband himself to be sure every sphere is covered!
Good luck)