Please please help

[purplehaired]

I've had 3 missed miscarriages in the last 18 months, my most recently ERPC 7 weeks ago yesterday. I am now petrified I'm pregnant again, I took a first response test last night and a faint positive came up.
The problem is, I don't want to be pregnant. I'm currently being referred to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and was actually looking forward to a year of no longer TTC and just having a break to get back to our lives. We're even getting a puppy.
I ovulated last Thursday and had sex on Friday, however we used a condom and my DH didn't even ejaculate during it. There was also a bit of foreplay beforehand and I'm worried some precum somehow got into me then (so sorry for TMI.) However I have been paranoid ever since that I might be pregnant from that. I think my wee smells different which is usually my first sign and I had some sharp cramps on Wednesday which I'm worried were implantation cramps. I'm not really sure when af is due as I've only had one period since my last miscarriage but I think it must be around the end of next week.
When the faint line came up last night I had a panic attack, I really really don't want to be pregnant right now. I really don't feel mentally strong enough to go through with all the symptoms, the being sick, the constantly checking to see if I'm bleeding etc.
I've just taken another first response and the line is even fainter...you have to really stare at it to see it. But I had a wee half an hour ago so would all the hormones have gone out in that wee? Is there any chance I still have hormones from my last pregnancy, 7 weeks on?
Please help, I am petrified. I haven't slept and keep thinking I could always have an abortion but then could I really go through with that? Also would it push me off the RMC list? I have anxiety at the best of times but I feel ill with it now.

I very much doubt you’d get a BFP so soon after DTD. I had a miscarriage several years ago and it took nearly 2 months to stop getting faint BFPs, although, from what I understand, it’s quite unusual for this to be the case. But it is possible. I suppose the only thing you can do is wait (sorry!) and see if the lines get darker. Alternatively you could see your GP, or phone the EPU and request bloods to see if your hormone levels are increasing or decreasing. If you are not pg, and don’t want to be, I’d look into some more reliable contraception.

Here are the tests. The one at the top is the one I took last night and the bottom one this morning. Nothing really shows up on the photo for the one this morning however I can see a very faint line in real life. It's still a week before I'm due on and am getting back pains now which I remember from my previous pregnancies.

After my mmc d&c i was getting very strong pregnancy test positives for well over a month after the procedure (I stopped testing whilst getting strong results so not sure when faint positives would have shown till)...it sounds to me like your faint positive is prob from your last mmc. Big hugs

Thanks for the reassurance miki I am just panicking so much and keep thinking I'm getting pregnancy symptoms. Maybe it's my mind playing tricks on me? I really hope so.

We had three miscarriages and then got pregnant right after the last. That was my little sticker. Honestly, give the recurrent miscarriage unit a call if you are pregnant and they hopefully can get you squeezed in and start some treatment. We went through my private healthcare insurance in the end and I was put on progesterone (which I don't think helped but I took it anyway), aspirin and levothyroxine. I'm now 39 weeks.

It isn't always doom and the one thing to be is as positive as possible. Babies (as you and I know!!) come in their own time and don't always adhere to our plans! It's ironic if this is your little sticker when you have decided not to try for a while. Please do not panic. If you want to PM me feel free.

Thanks CL I haven't had my initial appointment yet, the waiting list is very long up here!

I've taken another first response this afternoon and there's a tiny hint of a line but not as clear as yesterday afternoon. No idea what that means??? Think I'm going to try and get a doctors appt next week.

@purplehaired absolutely. You are top priority. They should be treating you with max TLC going forward.

My RMC in Oxfordshire were epic and scanned me at 7/9/16 weeks around my standard scans. I can't recommend telling them your situation enough as soon as that line firms up.