Introducing new baby to toddler

[KittyKK]

Any advice please on introducing newborn to 2.5 year old sibling?

Toddler will visit us in hospital day after csection. I’ve already heard that it is a good idea to make sure I’m not holding the baby when the toddler comes into the room and also to buy a present for the baby to give to toddler...

Any other tips please? I adore my toddler and feel a bit sad and guilty that he won’t be the sole focus of our love and attention any longer. Thank you ❤️

Just fuss over him as much as possible and not the baby.

I've had three dc and with mine the problems didn't manifest for a few months anyway. The initial introduction was no big deal but the jealous behaviour started when the novelty wore off!

I haven’t done this (yet, 16 weeks with number 2 ) but I thought this advice was really good:
(Paraphrase) do not expect or ask the eldest to love the new baby. If they are completely disinterested try not to show disappointment.
Don’t continually refer your elder one as a ‘big girl/boy’ - let them be your baby too. The new one seems to be getting more live because they are a baby whereas they are, apparently, ‘big’. Make it clear they still need their mummy.
Make a fuss of how much the little one loves their big brother/sister.

I'm not due til June but the advice I was given was make sure baby is the bassinet thingie when they arrive and let your dh/mil/whoever pick up baby to show them.

Present from newborn for toddler and also for someone to take toddler shopping to buy something small for the baby.

A friend who had sections with both hers, recommended showing the toddler the scar before surgery and then the wound afterwards to explain why you have to take things a bit easier. Obviously only works if both are sections though but I think being honest about why you can't pick them up etc is probably worth it even if it's only the baby born by section.

Firstly don't stress yourself out over it!

I struck it lucky, my eldest was smitten with his brother as soon as he seen him, he was 1.5 at the time so I'm not sure if that helped or not. I'm currently pregnant again, due at the end of June and have involved them as much as I can but they're 5&4 now so both understand a lot more and the four year olds more excited to meet the baby than me haha.

A few tips that worked with me

When your toddler comes to visit you make a fuss about him, lots of mindless chatter, - I also suggest whilst you do this, if baby stirs, unless you're breastfeeding and baby needs a feed - get your dp to see to baby so you're attention is on toddler.. after you've chatted with him a little, if you've got him a present from baby, give it to him and let him open it before asking if he wants to see the baby

Try to involve him as much as you can and as much as he want's, i.e buying baby an outfit, passing you nappies etc

Plenty of cuddles and attention when you can

My ds was 15 months when I had my second ds and he absolutely adores his younger brother he refers to him as his baby he still calls him baby even though he will be one in march. When he was born my dp took him to the hospital to visit and tbh he didn't really have a interest in him more the iv line in my hand it was more when we came home he always wanted to hold the baby (to the point of trying to lift him out of the moses basket himself) I bought a travel cot and put the basket in it to keep baby safe but I did focus all my attention on my first ds as I felt so guilty I kept everything as it was before except for feed time and my eldest enjoyed helping I bottle fed so I kinda in a way kept day time as it was playing with my ds ect ect and then evenings was when I would get all the baby cuddles in I tried not to hold him too much etc. They have a great bond now and I wouldn't have it any other way they get so much joy from each other it's incredibly my eldest will not allow anyone take the baby away from us even granparents he will have a complete fit and tell them no mammys baby and I love it just shows how much he cares. You will be absolutely fine and it just comes naturally with two its though in the early day's but worth it in my opinion

We basically did exactly what you describe.

Baby was in cot when DS arrived. I gave him a gift, he didn't seem particularly impressed? He was more fascinated with my new blue pyjamas?!

Try not to stress about it. I read up on the advice too but when it all came to pass baby happened to be in my arms when toddler arrived (and I’d had a c-section so couldn’t easily put her down quickly). I made a big fuss over toddler, telling him how much I’d missed him (he’d been with my parents overnight) and asking him about his day etc. I introduced him to baby, and baby to him and as soon as possible had DH take baby and put todder onto my bed for a cuddle. I left the presents for a few minutes and was sure to make the meeting positive and happy - and brief. Hospitals are super boring for toddlers, after 5/10 mins I convinced DH to take him to the cafe for juice and a biscuit (big treat) and when they came back they only stayed for another 5 mins.

We did everything you said. I also made a big fuss over my toddler and hugged her for ages and said how I missed her and just spent time holding her and talking about what she had been up to.

I also took the approach that the new baby was a special gift for her. She loves her sister and we have honestly had no problems from her adjusting. They are 3.8 and 14 months now and absolutely adore each other.

I also asked all visitors to pay attention to her when they arrived and not go to the baby for a good 10 minutes. Everyone did and after 5 or so minutes she was saying 'come and see my new baby'

There was a small regression where she wanted to be treated like a baby more but it didn't last more than a few months.

On the other end of the scale don't go overboard making dc1 seem 'still the best /fav'. My friend's family put her ds so high on his pedestal he has no relationship with her dd as he feels so superior still at 14+10!!

Really helpful advice!! Thank you 😊

My second baby is due in May and I hadn't thought about this at all!! My boy will be 22 months when baby is born (section also) these are good tips thankyou for posting this!!!!!

Ds1 came in to meet ds2 when he was 3 hours old, I was holding him and we didn't have any present from baby to toddler as is the new "tradition", and ds1 adores ds2, they are nearly 3 years old and 3 months old. Just keep him involved and included and give him lots of hugs and cuddles, keeping as much of his routine the same as before.

I happened to have the baby on the bed sleeping when DS arrived. He was 2.5 as well. He came racing in to jump on the bed because he was excited to see me. He got one look at the baby came to a screeching halt and laid down next to her gentle as can be.

There has never been any jealousy or unwanted behaviour. He got a bit clingy for a while but that passed after a couple of months. He went back to having a bottle of milk, after using zippy cups for over a year. Came into my bed when he was woken at night. That kind of thing. I just rolled with it. After probably 3 months everything was back to normal and he was sleeping through the baby crying.

No gifts were given. I just made sure I gave him equal attention. 10 months on and he still helps take care of "our" baby.

More important than the first meeting I think is planning for while you are feeding the baby. It's a far greater amount if time. I had sticker books and special toys if he wanted me or DF took him outside to play while he was at home.

We did the whole keep baby in the cot when DS1 came to visit, bought him gifts, tried to give him lots of attention. Then he threw himself head first off my hospital bed - so not a great success as first visits go!