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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling a friend

9 replies

SpongeCake23 · 19/02/2018 08:45

I'm really anxious about telling a close friend about my pregnancy. She's wanted a baby for a long time, but she doesn't have a partner and she's turning 37 this year. When another of her friends fell pregnant she was really jealous and told me how she felt. She avoided her for a while.
She's one of my closest friends in this area, so if she starts avoiding me or cuts me off it'll make things really hard (a lot of my friends live further away).

Has anyone got any suggestions? I'm really scared about telling her.

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CobraKai · 19/02/2018 08:47

Just tell her as you would any other friend. It's hard when someone has something you want but people can't be expected to not have good news.

KnitKitty · 19/02/2018 09:44

I'd let her know that you're aware it might be a bit hard for her and if she needs a bit of space to process it, it's fine, but that you need her around and would appreciate her help along the way. Maybe get her a little pressie with Best Aunty on or something to help her find her role in your pregnancy?

Do be prepared for her backing off a bit at first anyway, and make sure that you still talk about normal things and ask her lots of questions about her life and feelings.

Original poster

SpongeCake23 · 19/02/2018 09:49

The difficult part is that she suffers with depression and her mum passed away last year. It's coming up to the year anniversary of that very soon.

OP posts:

CL1982 · 19/02/2018 12:44

I think just tell her. The news won't be any easier if you leave it for later... :( Maybe tell her by email or text and explain why you are telling her that way so she can process things in her own time?

ForeverHopeful21 · 19/02/2018 15:01

As someone who has struggled to conceive for years, I'll admit I hated finding out when friends were pregnant. Sounds selfish but its true.

I made two close pals who both had infertility issues and it was so nice to have friends who could understand .....then I found out after 4 years of trying that I was pregnant!

Like you, I was so worried about telling them (especially as I know first hand how upsetting it can be). I chose to tell them very early on via text message - so that they didn't have to pretend to be happy to my face if in fact they wanted to cry. I explained in my message that I understood if they needed time and how I hoped they weren't upset by my news.

The truth is, although they both responded saying how much they appreciated how considerate I was, our relationships HAVE changed. Its sad but understandable. One of them has hardly spoken to me since I broke the news. The other one has taken it better and we still see each other but I'm very cautious not to mention the pregnancy very much which is hard when its such a major part of my life.

Unfortunately you have to expect that she might avoid you for some time or that your relationship will change. Maybe it'll just take her a little time and then she'll come round to the idea and be fine.

The best advice I can give is to tell her sooner rather than later. Not to do it in person, and most importantly when you do finally see each other do not moan about being tired, sick, fat, swollen etc etc.

FernLove · 19/02/2018 15:12

Congratulations SpongeCake23!!

This I'd let her know that you're aware it might be a bit hard for her and if she needs a bit of space to process it, it's fine, but that you need her around and would appreciate her help along the way.

And this tell her sooner rather than later. Not to do it in person, and most importantly when you do finally see each other do not moan about being tired, sick, fat, swollen etc etc.

Don't hide it from her - she will probably feel a lot worse if you don't confide in her and only tell her when you start showing. Also acknowledge the elephant in the room but not in a patronising way. Tell her you totally understand if she needs space from time to time, you care about her so much and would love her to be involved in the pregnancy.

And as above, try not to moan about your morning sickness and tiredness etc.. it's really hard to hear people moaning about being pregnant when all you want is a baby. After all, being pregnant is a wonderful gift

surreygirl1987 · 19/02/2018 18:34

@foreverhopeful21 has it bang on I reckon 👍

ClaireBear1986 · 20/02/2018 15:08

I agree with doing it by text/email at 1st.

I have a friend, who even though is quite young - 24, she has always wanted a baby since I've known her and does get very jealous when others are pregnant. (As her partner wants to wait a few years)

I told her face to face as tbh I didn't really think it was a big deal. (Hopefully that doesn't sound harsh but its not like she can't have children or has been TTC for years)

She seemed very upset and didn't really congratulate me.

We used to speak daily, and that amount got less and less to the point now that she will not speak to me at all.
I even made a real effort to not really mention the pregnancy, but obviously our friendship was not strong enough.

It's sad, but I think a real friend wouldn't cut you off just because a pregnancy. Yes it might take them time to get used to the idea, and they might need a bit of space. But in my opinion a real friend wouldn't just stop speaking to you because of it.

Chocolatesaveslives · 20/02/2018 16:10

I would text her to tell her and day you've text to allow her to take it in in private as you know how she felt with the other friend.

Then say you hope it won't affect your friendship but you understand it may take her time to adjust or understand.

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