TTC & already thinking ELCS

[PixieN]

Hi,

My partner & I have recently been trying for a baby & I’m already very anxious about childbirth. I’ve always wanted a baby, but think I’ve subconsciously been worried about the thought of giving birth for a long time. My partner didn’t want any more children for a good while (he has a son at uni) & I felt elated when he changed his mind, but can’t stop worryingly about the birth I’m 35 & he is quite a bit older than me. If we do manage to conceive, this will be the only one.

Anyway we started ttc just before Christmas & it’s suddenly seeming very scary & real. I can’t face the thought of VB & know that I would prefer an ELCS for a number of reasons.

I’ve read so much on the subject, including the NICE guidelines, RCOG, ‘The Caesarean’ by Michel Odent as well as ‘How to Grow a Baby & Push it Out’ by Clemmie Hooper (to have a rounded view) so I know about the pros & cons of both methods of delivery. I’ve read so much it’s becoming obsessive!

A huge factor is that my mum suffered from terrible PND after her 3rd child (ironically c-section due to pelvis size) which was never treated (her midwife told her to pull herself together which led to her becoming an alcoholic. She suffers psychotic episodes & had to be hospitalised at one point. It’s had a huge affect on my whole family. I’ve always hated the idea of being out of control. I’m the same with alcohol & would never drink until I didn’t know what I was doing. I know anything can happen in childbirth, but feel an elcs would be more controlled.

Anyway, I made an appointment to see my doctor last week where I outlined my concerns & he made it clear that I wouldn’t be entitled to an elcs on the NHS & would struggle to find anyone to do it privately either (he mentioned risks of suing the hospital if anything went wrong) because i’m fit & healthy. My Doctor is usually brilliant, but I didn’t feel listened to & nearly started crying. He said if I was his wife he’d be advising Vb & if I was rich I could go to the Portland. I have actually looked into private, but we can’t really afford - it would mean loans & credit cards. My Dr also advised me to just get pregnant & speak to the
consultant

Anyway, I know this is all hypothetical as I may not get pregnant, but I just wanted to ask if anyone has had a maternal request elcs on the NHS in a staffordshire hospital? I would just like to have a choice.

Sorry this is such a long post & thank you if you have read it. I don’t feel I can’t talk to friends & family about this - though my dh has been lovely & supportive

I don't think it matters if your GP is male or female (mine is female), what matters is their attitude to CS - a lot of doctors are opposed to it whilst others (including mine) think it can be a good choice if you are informed about the risks and benefits. I am pretty sure most GPs, even within the same practice, would not have been so supportive or might even have just said it was impossible. If yours is completely fobbing you off that is no use at all, you should definitely have a think about seeing someone else in the practice at least as a first step.

All of that said, I do not think they can do much for you until you are actually pregnant. If the thought of VB is really putting you off getting pregnant, you could work out what your backup plan would be (my plan B was have baby in my husband's home country and plan C was go private although that would have wiped out my savings).

I'm currently TTC and I'm finding myself worrying more and more about the circumstance that I won't be allowed an ELCS. Ever since I've been young & aware of childbirth it's terrified me. I feel physically sick thinking of it and I've been having nightmares. I know I really want a baby but I'm getting to the stage it feels too real and I'm almost scared to sleep with my husband now. I have a total fear of asking for a section and being denied. I have Chronic fatigue syndrome also so I know how badly my body reacts to worry and stress. I feel like I can't talk to anybody about this as most people have pretty nasty things to say about not having a VB.

I know this may sound crazy given I'm not pregnant yet but I really don't want this fear to ruin the experience for me. I'll feel like a ticking time bomb

Rmad6716 I’m so sorry you feel this way! It’s terrible that women have to beg for this. But as I’ve said before we live in a sexist, misogynistic, woman hating society and we have to fight for our dignity. Best of luck x

OP I know exactly how you feel. I became pregnant with my first around a year ago and from the get go all I could worry about is the birth (always had a huge phobia of vaginal birth - mainly because of the pain I think) .

Anyway I was too frightened to talk to my midwife or doctor about it for fear of being rejected for a section and before I knew it I was being induced at 38 weeks and going ahead with a vaginal birth, something I said I would never be able to do.

Hand on heart, I had the epidural and it was fine. Difficult, but I got through it. Recovery was tough though and I found myself wishing I'd had the section.

If I am lucky enough to have another baby I am going to request a c section from the beginning, as I feel this would be the best thing for me personally.

Don't be frightened to ask. I've heard of people getting a c section on the NHS purely for anxiety reasons. Just make sure you are confident about your decision and be insistent.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Don't let it ruin your pregnancy by worrying like me !

Thanks for all your replies & experiences ladies. It’s made me feel so much better. I will try another GP at some point & see what they advise.

@Rmad6716 - I’m sorry to hear you feel this way & completely understand None of my friends have mentioned feeling like this so I’d feel uncomfortable bringing it up with them. Normally I can speak to them about most things, so it’s odd I feel like this. When I plucked up the courage to see my GP, I worried about telling him how I felt. It felt like I was being irrational when I was trying to explain if that makes sense

@Kittykat73 - sorry to hear you couldn’t speak about your fears with your midwife or doctor. I think there’s a lot of stigma surrounding this issue & women worry over being judged when it shouldn’t be that way

@JW13 - thanks for the detailed explanation of the process you went through. I can understand they want to be sure you’re making the right decision, but it does sound lengthy! I’ve read about some women not getting a date for their cs until very late & worrying they could go into labour in the meantime. Glad you got the outcome you wanted though - just sounds like it could be stressful....

I knew I didn't want a natural birth, the thought of it freaked me out since I was a child and my dsis had my dn (10 year age gap) and I read in one of her mother and baby mags an article about a woman whose baby's shoulders got stuck so she gad a forcep delivery (normal stuff really but horrifying to a 9yo's mind!) and then in later life I became aware of the risks of birth injury to the child (won't go into how-close to home though). I researched and researched elcs and knew that was the only way I would have children.
Once pregnant I went to my GP 3 days after I found out to beg her to refer me for consultant care and to see a consultant asap to confirm whether I could have cs, I was so afraid I was considering terminating and needed it to be clear. She said there would be no reason not to but that she'd have to refer me to midwifery and they'd refer to consultant. I saw the midwife for my booking in and insisted she refer me then, the midwife did want to discuss it and she tried a bit to change my mind but gave up quite quickly, I was adamant I wanted to see the consultant to discuss it. I had the consultant appt at 13 weeks, went armed with my NICE guidelines (specifically highlighted the part about referring to another consultant if they weren't willing to do it) and explained my fear of birth injury. I did more talking and explained that I had thoroughly researched it, I was aware that there is still a risk- higher to mother but my concerns lay around risk to child- and that I knew it wasn't the 'easy option' but I felt that my mental health and pregnancy would be affected if I was refused. I didn't get too emotional or demanding, I just stated my case and he booked me in there and then! I didn't even need to get my printed off guidelines out. Had he refused I would have insisted he refer me to another consultant. I don't know what I would have done if that one refused, I probably would have paid privately but would have required a loan and I've never had a loan before, the thought if that amount and just before going on mat leave and then returning part time was very daunting! He said he could see that I'd done a lot of research and knew the risks.
I strongly believe mothers should absolutely be able to choose their method of birth, I knew what was right for me.
And fwiw, 2 elcs's later I had 2 brilliant recoveries, 2 healthy babies and I wouldn't change a minute of it!

Hi @Samewitches - really glad you got the birth you wanted. I’m starting to feel like i’m not so weird after all lol I just don’t know anyone personally (friends or family) who feel the same! Would you mind disclosing when this was & which area? Or sending me a pm? I can’t believe how people’s experiences can be so different depending on where they live

Hi @PixieN

Yes it was very convoluted and it could definitely have been less stressful! Although I was very reassured by the original midwife.

The real delay was caused by the consultant midwife who postponed my appt with her by 6 weeks (I think because she was on holiday ). I was not happy about that at all.

Fortunately the consultant also promised she would book me in later at my first appointment with her. The c section was booked in October and I gave birth at the beginning of January, so not cutting it too fine but I would have felt much better if it had been sorted earlier.

You are definitely not alone in feeling this way!

You are not alone Pixie they believe one in ten have an intense fear of pregnancy and/or birth. Friends may feel the same way but not discuss it or even acknowledge it. I know a friend who avoided kids completely because of this fear. We have to talk about it to erase the stigma

I would advise getting some help pre-pregnancy. I’m currently 37 weeks and have had increasing anxiety surrounding child birth since the beginning of pregnancy. I’ve attempted to calm myself (yoga/hypnobirthing/not reading!) however it’s gotten worse and worse. And now I’m in an almost impossible situation.
However I feel perhaps if I’d of let the midwife know my concerns sooner it would if been a better time for me. She has now referred me for a consultant appt and to the perinatal mental health team, and seemed very positive about the likelihood that, if requested, I could get a CS. I don’t think I actually want one as my fear is based around maternal death.
But yes please, get some formal help prior to pregnancy, if I’d of known the state I’m in now I’d of gotten some counselling or similar.

Hi Ladies,
Just thought I would give an update as I went to see another GP recently. She was lovely & I felt listened to, so it was much more reassuring, even though she didn’t seem to fully understand my anxiety - but then, neither do I! At one point, I got a bit teary, but I was feeling anxious anyway just before my period. She said that I was worrying 4 steps ahead & that I’d always be worrying when & if I become a mother. She felt that I needed to deal with my anxiety & make sure I was ready to be pregnant & have a child initially. I mentioned my fears about vb & she listened. She told me she’d decided on vb for herself, her sister (also a doctor) had chosen caesarean & a friend (an obstetrician who had seen the worst case scenarios) had chosen home birth as she knew she’d have medical intervention at a hospital & wanted to avoid this.

It did feel better speaking to someone who had experience & she also reassured me that I would have choices, although I would be encouraged to go the vb route as that was generally considered to be safer. She did reassure me that I would be able to find a hospital & consultant who would be willing to do a cs if that’s what I wanted. This does make me feel better, but i’m also a bit nervous after hearing other women’s experiences, especially those who have had to really battle (and some refused) to have the birth choice they want. It is also worrying that 2 GPs from the same practice would tell me different things

Anyway, the doctor made a note to speak to the community midwife about more specialist support as she said the midwife would have dealt with this before & would have advice/suggestions. It makes me feel better that this has been recorded before getting pregnant - maybe this will help.

@fefifoefum sorry to hear you are struggling Have you had your consultant appointment yet? Hope it went well.

@LadyPug - I did manage to speak with my friends (plucked up the courage after a few drinks) & it went much better than I thought

I just feel grateful that you’ve all taken the time to give advice & share your experiences - it’s made me feel so much better xxx

I'm glad you felt listened to OP, I think every woman should have the right to choose (and that men would if childbirth was their problem but there we are). I posted earlier on this thread and just wanted to let you know that I am in no way an anxious mother, once my children were here via my cs's I was happy to go with my gut and do what I felt was right for my babies, very little anxiety or PFB issues here! My anxiety was solely centred on natural birth. Of course I worried at times (first cold/ vomiting bug/ dd had silent reflux) but babies are worrying! If you feel you would be anxious then by all means it's fabulous to get that in hand before going for it but don't let it put you off if you feel you would be ok afterwards. Every new mother is at risk of pnd or anxiety irregardless of their previous issues.

Hi Pixie!
Still pregnant! 39+3 now, I’ve had my consultant appt and it was very very positive! They would of given me a section at maternal request, I’ve decided not to go for that after talking through the odds/stats (which are good btw!). However, those odds then bugger up a bit if you go overdue and need induction, so she’s arranged to see me at 40+4 if I’ve still not given birth to discuss options and at that point I will go for a section I think.
We shall see! I’ve written myself a birth plan and am having a bit of help from the perinatal mental health team, I’ve never had any problems with my mental health, but it’s incredible how this pregnancy has sent me into this spiral of anxiety!

@Samewiches - It’s reassuring to hear that feeling anxious about a ‘natural’ birth doesn’t necessarily mean i’ll be anxious afterwards - though I’m an anxious cat mum already lol. I worry about pnd because of my mum, but we are very different people - there’s also more support in place today, compared to when my mum gave birth.

@Fifufoefum - glad to hear you’re doing well & that the consultant appt was positive. You’ll have to let us know how you get on. Crossing fingers for you

The dr mentioned that having children is the biggest & most important thing you’ll ever do so it’s natural to feel some level of anxiety. This really resonated with me - I just need to make sure it doesn’t escalate. I was feeling panicky & backed into a corner before so just feeling listened to has helped to allay my fears - for now anyway.

Now I need to go back a few steps & (worry) focus on getting pregnant

caesareanbirth.org

I was determined to have an elcs with dc2. My go told me I should be allowed one (previous traumatic vaginal birth, prolapse and subsequent repair operation) but they couldn’t guarantee it until I was 36 weeks. I needed much more certainty though and just couldn’t continue with pregnancy without knowing I’d be allowed a elcs. We went private in the end through the Portland. I think the price for the elcs itself was around 12k but it cost over 20k altogether with all the appointments, bloods, all painkillers, scans etc.

20k??? I really can’t afford that. Horrible to not make a decision sooner, especially given your previous experience. Did you ask to be referred somewhere else? I can understand why you’d want to go private.

Just had a look on the website - thanks!

I will be having an elective section (first baby) in April, all booked and planned with my NHS consultant. At my booking in appointment I just asked the midwife to make me an appointment to see the consultant and when I saw the consultant I just requested the Caesarean, he did ask my reasons but wasn’t difficult about it. I just said it’s the only way I can imagine myself giving birth he was find about it and just booked me in at that time.

Everyone I have seen since - Drs and midwives- have been very supportive of my choice and I haven’t had any negative comments about it.

All the best for your journey to parenthood, I am currently 30 weeks and it’s so amazing and exciting.

@NameChange - that’s brilliant news - glad it’s been a positive experience Congratulations & best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Yeah it was bloody expensive pixie. I just wanted to let you know the real cost. We’d done our sums and worked out we could just about afford the 12k but we just hadn’t considered that actually the operation is only a small part of it. Luckily my dm could see what a state I was getting myself into and gave me my inheritance early so we could cover it.

We did ask to be referred to someone else but the answer was the same - I can’t see any reason why you shouldn’t have one but we’ll confirm at 36 weeks. My dc1 was born at 36 weeks so I jus couldn’t have it looming over me not knowing what the outcome would be.

I really hope you get the birth you want and it all goes well for you.

@I’veGotStupidHair I’m glad it worked out for you. It does seem mad though that in another area you might have had an elcs agreed at an earlier date & not had any issues. It does seem to vary according to the area you live

I can understand your worries though & it must have been horrible to have it hanging over you without a definite answer. I’ve also heard of a couple of women having a cs agreed, going into labour early & then being made to have a vb That really freaks me out!

I don’t think you can put a price on peace of mind, but I know I couldn’t afford those fees. I’ve looked into MUMS which is Midlands based & they do the delivery at an NHS hospital - everything else is NHS so it would be half the cost you mentioned. That could be an option if I needed it. It seems mad worrying like this when i’m not even pregnant yet, but I need to know there are options & that I can choose the birth I want - I can’t go ahead with ttc otherwise.

@IveGotStupidHair - are you London based?