Dad not interested in pregnancy.

12 replies

Futuremumof2 · 05/02/2018 10:19

I honestly don't know what to do right now, I can't talk to family or friends about this. I'm 17 weeks pregnant and the father doesn't want anything to do with the baby. He wants to stay with me and help ME but not the baby. I can't help but feel guilty for being excited and happy.
He doesn't seem interested in any aspect... He came to the scan, he's been helping buying baby things but that's it. He's there 100% for me but he hasn't shown any interest and has said that when the child is born he will be there for me but can't help with the baby.
Please offer some advice.

OP posts:

GottaBeStrong · 05/02/2018 10:33

How confusing. Was the baby planned?

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 05/02/2018 10:39

Maybe he feels out of his depth? Many men don't find it 'real' until baby is here!
Or maybe he is just a twat..
Only you will know which he is realistically.

Original poster

Futuremumof2 · 05/02/2018 10:42

Completely unplanned. I'm not sure if he does feel out of his depth ect, he never had a father figure in his life growing up and I know he has expressed before that he doesn't want to up and leave like his own father did. So I'm not sure if it's just nerves or something.

OP posts:

Strongvegetables · 05/02/2018 10:48

Let him support you through the pregnancy but when the baby is here and he still has no feeling towards it then I’d ask him to leave you both alone as there is nothing worse for a child when it’s around someone that doesn’t care for him.

Strongvegetables · 05/02/2018 10:51

Some men have to physically see and touch their baby till it actually sinks in. Dh was a bit like that with dd1 and was quite stand-offish because he didn’t know what to do naturally till she was around one, however with dd2 he basically took over at the hospital and I had to ask for her back!

Notallthat · 05/02/2018 11:02

I don't think theres much you can do until the baby actually arrives. He obviously loves you and is trying to do the right thing. He may change once the baby is actually here. I think you should continue doing all the usual things and be enthusiastic and let him get as involved as he wants with that. A man I know walked out on his partner when she was pregnant as she wouldnt have a termination and wanted nothing to do with the baby, had a change of heart when she was a year old, mum agreed to let him meet her and he is now a very good and involved father so a complete about turn is possible.

TaurielTest · 05/02/2018 11:03

Are you in a relationship with this person? Do you live together (you say "stay" and "leave" but I'm not sure whether that means your shared home or your relationship)?
Either way, this is a totally unsustainable way for him to behave. What kind of support can he possibly be to you if he's pretending the baby doesn't exist?

Original poster

Futuremumof2 · 05/02/2018 11:05

Thank you all, I think the only thing is just to wait and see what happens. Thank you very much though xx

OP posts:

ftmtb · 05/02/2018 11:10

Tell him to man the fuck up, it took two of you to make the baby and if he's being that childish and disrespectful of his own child he's a horrible human being and doesn't deserve you or the baby. Imagine if when the baby's born he changes his mind but then he has to live his life looking that child in the eyes knowing he spent months saying he didn't care about it. Makes me feel sic

Dobbythesockelf · 05/02/2018 11:15

So when the baby is here, he says he won't hold It, change It, cuddle it etc. Well that's not acceptable, I think that it's ok for him to support you now but once the baby is here then you can't have him to acting like that towards your child because it just isn't fair. Either he steps up as a father or he doesn't bother at all

Julia855 · 05/02/2018 17:13

Hi Futuremumof2! I'm honestly so sad to hear about your story. First of all you should not forget that you have another living human being inside of you. And stress is the last thing you wanna give to your baby. If the father is not happy with your pregnancy you should wait till the baby is born. It is also a good sign that he helps you with the baby stuff, I have seen a lot of couples breaking up after the woman is pregnant. Maybe it's just for the time being or maybe he just needs some more time to accept the fact. What I mean to say is that he is the father it is for sure that he will be emotionally attached to baby after birth. My advice for you is to stay healthy and calm that is what's needed for the baby.

BigBaboonBum · 05/02/2018 17:21

A lot of men are like this until baby is here, it’s just not real for them yet. He’s being supportive of mother and that’s enough for now.
He’s obviously harbouring issues from his own childhood here, and he’s confused and likely has no idea what to do. Gently guide him, as it doesn’t sound like he’s refusing to help more of he’s saying he can’t/doesn’t know how... so if you need help with XYZ just let him know.

Obviously if he doesn’t help after baby is here then it’s a totally different story!

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