Does finding out the gender help if you have a preference?

[Needmorewine]

No judgement please. Baby will be loved and adored and we are so so lucky I know. However I would so love a certain gender for many reasons. Is it best to find out st the 20 week Scan if this is the case? No judgement please I know I am
not being rational but I can’t help feeling this way, I wish I didn’t. Anyone felt similarly and what did you do re finding out / not finding out?

I've always said I'd never ever find out before the birth as it would ruin it for me. Dh wanted to at first but in the end was glad we didn't.
I really wanted a girl, dh didn't mind either way. Obviously we never found out. We had a boy. I was disappointed.
I think finding out would make it even harder. Because if you have a strong preference (as I did) for a specific sex, and you find out you are having the other during pregnancy, you have nothing but a photo to take home. You can't really cuddle and bond with a scan photo. Whereas like me, I found out I didn't have the girl I wanted at the birth, yes I was disappointed but I had my baby right there, I could hold him and bond with him.
I think it was much easier to find out I didn't have a girl when my son was right there with me, because it was a lot harder to feel upset and disappointed when your baby is in your arms. Even if that baby wasn't what you hoped for, that baby still needs you to care for it and love it from the second it's born.
Whereas if I'd found out it was a boy when I was pregnant, I'd of spent my whole pregnancy disappointed and even angry about it, and when my labour started I would have thought, why, I'm having a boy when I wanted a girl? I don't want this at all. I honestly don't believe getting my head round it would have happened for me at all.
So on a personal level id say it doesn't help, and I never would.
(Also no judgements please, it's not something I'm proud of, I hate myself every day for feeling that way. Unless you've been through it, you don't know how difficult it is).

As soon as I found out I was pregnant I wanted to know, waiting until 20 weeks felt like forever! DP really wanted a girl, and I really wanted a boy, I couldn't imagine myself with a girl.

I'm not particularly girly and was worried I wouldn't be a good mum to a girl. At the scan we found out he was a boy and I felt so relieved. DP on the other hand was quite upset, and it took him a little while to come to terms with it. Knowing beforehand also helped us to bond with him and take time to really think about names.

I think if we'd waited and he'd had the same reaction at the birth, it would've been quite upsetting for me. Obviously we both adore our gorgeous DS.