Not with the father...

[Darksideofthemoon88]

Hi,

Haven't been on here in a long time, but I'm in need of some help. I'm pregnant (7wks I think) and I have an abortion booked for next week, but I'm starting to have second thoughts. Problem is, I'm not with the father and never have been, which will cause serious fall-out in my family. Not sure I can afford it either, but I guess I could make that work. What I wanna know is - and I promise I'm not joking even though it's gonna sound like I'm from the 1950s or something - is there anywhere you can go nowadays, ideally out of the country, to have a baby in peace and private? I haven't got much money so it's not that simple. But I kinda thought I could hide it from everyone (except the midwife, obviously - I didn't get very big in my last pregnancy) and have it in secret somewhere to minimise the fall-out. I'm probably being ridiculous, but I thought I'd ask.

Thanks.

Do you mean go away for the remaining seven months or just to give birth?

Realistically, you need a job, you need a roof over your (and baby's) head and you need maternity pay to see you through the first weeks when the baby is here.

How would you hide a baby? Would you hide it as in give birth and then give the baby up for adoption? Or just go away quietly and cut all the ties with the family? Surely soon enough they will find out? Or would you just never speak to them again?

Is it realistic that you can move somewhere no one can find you and start your life there again?(I could do that if I had to but it requires a lot of planning and involves getting a job. I don't think looking for a job while pregnant is a good idea - you'll have other things to worry about...

Sorry, just read your post again - why would you not have the baby close to where you are but in a big city where people are not that nosy?

For a few weeks or, as I'm a teacher, somewhere where I could work I guess.

I didn't mean hide the baby - just the pregnancy. I kinda thought once it reaches a certain point, there's no point in anyone kicking off with me.

It's my family, and the father, I'm worried about, not other people.

If you’re a teacher you could probably find work easily at the other end of the country and rent your house out for a few months but I’d check how that would affect your maternity pay. I’m sorry your ex and family aren’t more supportive to you though.

My sister in laws sister hid her pregnancy due to how she thought people would react etc, and it really got her down. Honestly, just tell people. People get pregnant in not ideal situations all the time! You need support ideally. And why not just tell them that you were with somebody but they don’t want to be part of it? Yes, a small lie, but softens the blow if the whole issue is that you’re not with the dad.
Good luck