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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Does anyone else not like talking about their pregnancy?

40 replies

Thisisanamechanger · 28/01/2018 21:04

I'm not sure why but I hate talking about the baby and pregnancy with my parents! In fact I have to stop myself avoiding contact with them as I know they'll keep asking how I'm feeling and saying it's not long now and have I had any cravings (I have said no several times already!)

Feel awful as they are only excited and trying to be nice so I'm always really polite and talk along but inside I just feel really embarrassed and don't like it.

The only person I really like talking about it with is my DH! I'm the same with other personal things though so perhaps that's why?

I hope when baby is here and I know everything is ok it will be different

Am I the only one?!

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Whatevszz · 28/01/2018 21:08

I was similar but there isn't really that much to talk about until the baby actually arrives, or perhaps you're worried that if you talk too much you'll dwell on any anxieties that you might have around birth or labour.

Screamer1 · 28/01/2018 21:08

I really disliked it. I'm quite private and just found it intrusive.

Whatevszz · 28/01/2018 21:09

Oh, also I didn't really believe it was really happening until the baby was placed in my arms

gryffen · 28/01/2018 21:11

I didn't mind with my parents but we live 70 miles apart and they just asked how I was and ensured we had what was needed.

I live round the corner from my PIL and they interfere in our marriage, so much demanding and totally spoiled our announcement to friends first time with daughter.

I don't have a great relationship with them so we will tell them on Thursday if the scan is ok after I tell my parents.

Anyone tries touching bump with have amputated fingers though!

Itsjustaphase84 · 28/01/2018 21:16

Sometimes my family including in laws are like that but they are lovely and just excited. Fil would always count every 4 weeks as a month so would always say im further along than i am and couldn't get his head around pregnancy is classed as 40 weeks. I had this everytime i went round.

Just grin and bear it but they are super excited for you. Take a deep breath and accept it if you can but dont raise the subject with them.

Gabbitygubbity · 28/01/2018 21:19

You're not alone - I feel exactly the same! It's early days for me so there's an element of not wanting to jinx things but mainly I'm just not keen to talk about this stuff (whereas my mum would love to talk/email about it ALL OF THE TIME). I also really dislike the word "pregnant" and would prefer not to have to say it ever ;)

hopefully we won't mind talking about our kids when they show up!

Ragwort · 28/01/2018 21:23

I hated it too, and I hated 'announcing' I was pregnant, it was a bit of a surprise after 15 years of child free (by choice) marriage and the pregnancy wasn't planned. I had to deal with all sorts of 'oh how lovely after so many years, I bet you are over the moon' type comments . It didn't feel right to say that it hadn't been planned so I ended up just mumbling something about what a happy surprise.

Fortunately my family and ILs lived miles away so that avoided any in depth discussions and we had recently moved to a new area so comments from new friends were all very polite and not at all intrusive.

laurenforbes · 28/01/2018 21:24

I feel the exact same way when your pregnant it seems everyone has there own opinion. Or wants to share there experiences which is j be but sometimes annoying as you just want to enjoy it in peace

Twitchett22 · 28/01/2018 21:36

It just gets worse. And you get 'oh you havent got much of a bump yet' which quickly changes to 'aren't you getting big now'. Every. Single. Time. And then you get nearer the end and its always 'dont you look tired now' (actually im feeling the most energised i have all pregnancy but thanks) and then the constant 'oh it won't be long until she's here' yes i know I've been on countdown since the day I POAS and it feels like I've been pregnant for 3 years.
People just care and are excited but you really just want to say mind your own business and find something else to talk about

Lavenderdays · 28/01/2018 21:57

No, you are not alone. This is pregnancy no. 4 for me (pregnancy no.3 resulted in a late loss at 22 weeks) and I think this has made me naturally more cautious about becoming excited/planning ahead etc. I think I am quite a private person and have found that I have been quite irritable throughout this pregnancy - partially anxiety induced from the loss. Everyone seems to think that they are entitled to express their opinion - oh, you look fit to burst/you look very large...just makes me see red. The latest one...oh you should enjoy it, since it is going to be your last pregnancy (it is by the way - currently 31+4 and counting) but um, no actually, I'm not enjoying feeling breathless most of the time - iron levels checked etc. not being able to get about, not sleeping properly, problem with piles the list of somewhat minor niggles goes on...one person said that her daughter had seen me walking about and apparently I was walking like an old lady...really? Is it necessary to say these things so I'm happier when the conversation is diverted and all my current issues are not highlighted. Not good company at the moment as you can probably hear!

NimbleKnitter · 28/01/2018 22:11

I just tell people I don't want to talk about it.

People soon get the message (except my Mum's mother-in-law (second marriage) who just keeps asking, and doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to talk to her about it, despite having met her all of 4 times).

In laws, parents and colleagues have all got the message

HippieGoth91 · 28/01/2018 22:14

This. I hated it. We had a very high risk pregnancy, high risk of baby being poorly even if the pregnancy went ok, etc etc. I wanted to bury my head in the sand and ignore it, not talk about it every 10 minutes.

mikesh909 · 28/01/2018 23:09

You're definitely not alone. I hated telling people. I hate the questions. My DM expressed great surprise that I had no questions for her when I was pregnant with DD1. Although we have a good relationship, we've never had any womanly heart-to-heart style conversations, so I was unsure why things were expected to change then. I read a lot of books, which gave me all the information I needed. Now pregnant again, and it's just as uncomfortable. MIL only today instead of 'how are you / how are things / how's it going' in the normal way said 'how are you feeling?' with the head-tilt. I am an oddity though in that I generally detest expressions of sympathy and would sooner be on the receiving end of a sarcastic comment. I understand that people are only following accepted convention, showing concern, trying to be nice. If it reassures you, I find the questions about DD now she is here much easier to take!

Passmethecakeplease · 28/01/2018 23:12

I feel a similar way to how you do.

My maternity leave cover was hired a couple of weeks ago (I leave in a couple of weeks) and they ask me every day how I'm feeling and it's starting to really grate on me even though it's possibly innocent.

I just barely know the person so I'm hardly going to say I feel like shit, I ache and I'm fed up!

Wicket2016 · 28/01/2018 23:20

I know the feeling. I don't mind talking to my parents and in laws. But we have been slow to tell friends (I work with clients in my job and have held off there too). I just hate that everyone asks you the same questions. Sometimes I feel bad that I'm not more excited ( I am excited , we both are! This is a planned and much wanted baby) but it all feels like a long way off. It also annoys me how people feel your one of the gang now, as if you'll ditch anything you were interested in before. I know our lives will change but we still have personalities of our own etc. And there's lots more happening in the world, anyways rant over ! 🙄

Notlostjustexploring · 28/01/2018 23:21

I felt just like this!!! Yes I was pleased I would be getting a baby out of it, but I was weirded out by the whole process and didn't really like discussing it. I also started to feel like I didn't exist as a person, only a bump, which I really didn't like. There is also not really much to say about the whole process either.

I remember being at a party during pregnancy and there were a few other pregnant women there also. I was thrilled to have found someone to talk to about their impending house move and died a bit inside when someone interrupted to talk about pregnancy.

beautyandthebeasty · 28/01/2018 23:21

I hated this and am dreading announcing for this very reason!!

I couldn't stand the texts around my due date... is baby here yet?? Are you having contractions yet?? I drove past your house and your cars not there, are you at the hospital??

FUCK OFF.

Drove me insane!!
DH thinks we should bullshit the due date this time to avoid it. But I think I'm just going to message everyone a month before I'm due, that I'm turning my phone off for a month

GummyGoddess · 28/01/2018 23:25

I don't like talking about it with most people because "Haha! You ate all the pies!" "Been overeating have we??" Fucking constantly from FIL who gets so pissed off when I snap at him that he's not fucking funny. Though since having DC1 PIL have backed off from several comments because I've been telling them not to do things to DC1 that he doesn't like, and there's been some pouting (mainly from FIL when told not to tickle my hysterically crying child who's just whacked his head badly)

Other people also make comments on my weight and it's just not funny or original.

I get asked if I'm still being sick a lot which I guess is borne out of concern for me, but asking if I've been sick just reminds me of being sick and then I start feeling nauseous.

bloobree · 29/01/2018 03:32

One thousand, gazillion percent yes! ...to this thread! I was almost about to write one similar till I saw it.

We only 'announced' last week as I'm only just past the 12 week mark but I'm already hugely irritated by people... im general it seems.

I've already had people, especially my Mum, stroking my non-existent bump. I've had all the 'you'll need to do this, and buy this' and 'when I had my kids' ...blah blah blah. I realise people are only excited for us and are trying to help but I'm also fiercely independent and would like to manage as best I can by myself. When I need help, I'll ask for it!
Totally agree with being 'part of the club' now too. Rather irritating. Lots of people telling my OH he'll have to give up his hobby once the baby come, ' oh you wont be able to do that anymore.' And why not? It doesn't take up much time and it's a hobby that he can do at any time, no specific classes etc.

I know I should be grateful that people are trying to help but I'm only 12 weeks and dont think I can handle this for a full 40. Wish I'd had the idea of bullshitting the due date before people asked. That's a brilliant idea!

Thank you for creating a thread where I can moan! I feel so much better already!

Ihatemarmite123 · 29/01/2018 04:59

This is another reason my in laws don't know, I'm nearly 16 weeks. I hate the 'in my day' comments.... boring, get over it

doxiepoxie · 29/01/2018 08:04

Yes.. I'm with you! I think some family members take it personally that I'm filling them in on details, but it's unintentional and a very personal journey.

doxiepoxie · 29/01/2018 08:05

I'm not filling them in on details (should have read)

GummyGoddess · 29/01/2018 08:07

When I didn't discuss my first pregnancy I had accusations of depression because I should apparently want to talk about it all day long.

Original poster

Thisisanamechanger · 29/01/2018 08:29

Thank goodness I'm not alone!

Relieved to hear it's better when baby arrived though 😊

Yes - also a high risk pregnancy with regular growth scans so don't find it helpful being told every day how small my bump is! By people who know my worries.

Also get asked everyday how the baby is and I guess I'm just meant to smile and say good because really how would I know?!

OP posts:

user1484167681 · 29/01/2018 09:58

I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE! :D

I’ve been happy to chat about it mostly, but gradually been getting more and more irritable over the last 9 months as family provide a lot of unsolicited advice... And I also keep getting pulled into conversations about it when I’d really rather continue discussing someone else’s interesting news about work/something they read in the news/etc. Apparently my snippiness has been noticed :/

Now I’m ten days overdue and everyone seems to think I will forget to mention when the baby is here. Trying to remember that the messages are sent out of love and support, but next time I will be fibbing about my due date!!!

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