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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

third miscarriage over christmas

3 replies

Difficulttimes17 · 28/01/2018 02:54

Hi

I had my third miscarriage over christmas and Im now 38.. Im starting to loose hope that I will ever get pregnant. I'm very up and down right now and trying to latch on to anything to distract me from how bad Im feeling inside not only for me, but for my long term partner and family.. just a walking world of sadness, grief and guilt. Im trying to keep going and find joy in other things, but I know this has changed me. I would like to think there is a future outside of children but its hard when my friends around me either have families already or starting families it just feels like my childless status is in my face all the time. I never know what to say when at the hairdressers or getting my nails done and they start to make conversation about children... sometimes I make an effort to change the conversation away from that, sometimes I tell them the whole sad tale... but then wonder afterwards why I did when I see the pity in their eyes or they start to tell me a story of a woman who had 8 miscarriages and has now got 4 kids. Its like I'm numbing down the whole experience into a conversation about a holiday I'm going on later in the year.. 'you know just something for them to talk about' to help them feel less awkward that I just don't have children. My friend, one of my closest friends has got pregnant at about the same time as me, she's now past her first scan and on to the second. I feel so happy for her, but also that makes me feel even worse about myself that as this is her second baby (she's only just gone back to work from maternity leave) its all so easy for her. Im struggling to be around her at the moment, but she keeps asking to see me and do things together. I forced myself to all go out together as a group of 4 this week for a meal, first time I had seen her since the miscarriage. I smiled and chatted through the meal even though I was sitting opposite her and her fella and their child, most of the conversation was focused on him and me and my partner were sat together. She has asked us out again next week but I really don't know if I can face it. I know this all sounds terrible of me, but I just can't face it for so many reasons. I just wondered if anyone else has gone through any of these feelings and could offer advice.

OP posts:
joyandgladness · 28/01/2018 03:44

I don't really know what to say but I hate the thought that you might still be awake and hurting.
I'm so sorry for your losses.
Try to be kind to yourself. It Sounds like you did an amazing job of keeping going when you met with your friend. That must have been so hard.
The feelings you are having are completely understandable and can be so overwhelming.
Have you had any help and support? Either medical or emotional?

joyandgladness · 28/01/2018 03:48

And if you can't face going out with them again just now then that is absolutely fine. You don't need to force yourself. You would need to think about whether you would prefer to gently tell them why or if you'd rather make an excuse.
But either is fine. If you need time and space that's ok.

Verity23 · 28/01/2018 04:35

I think you need to look after yourself here. Hopefully your friend will understand that it's just too painful for you to meet up at the moment.

I lost my baby a few days ago at 12 weeks and It's the lowest I've ever felt in my life. My 2 friends that I would usually talk to about it are both pregnant and I just can't face them right now. I don't feel bad about putting myself first and I don't think you should either.

Take care of yourself and I hope you get some happy news soon Flowers

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