Home birth? DH anti

[MrsCaecilius]

I really want a home birth. I'm a very private person and would value being in my own environment and the one to one midwife care. Obviously if I was deemed low risk. We are 20 mins from hospital.

DH is anti and says he would never forgive himself ( and by extension, me) if I had a home birth and something detrimental happened to the baby.

Impasse. Not sure where to go from here!

I had a hospital birth with my first and a home birth with my second. My home birth was fabulous, but I would never recommend it for a first baby. Simply because you are much more likely to need a transfer, and if you do, it would quite likely be at the active labour stage. I would have found a transfer immensely difficult at that point - I could barely stand, I tend to assume a comfortable position on the bed during labour and once there I don't want to move!
Home births are brilliant but I really think with first births you get such a shock at the intensity of it all, along with not knowing how your body will labour...better off in hospital.

Get him along to a Hypnobirthing course, they should explain how being at home will be a great benefit to you during labour x

I had my first baby at home. I felt relaxed and in control. It was amazing.

I hate hospitals, the thought of them make me anxious.

I think it’s skmething you have to do together and you will need your DH to be fully invested and on board. You will need to be a team. If he is not comfortable with the risk and responsibility the you have to respect that and not resent him for it.

I was going to have a home birth, had everything all set up (including pool!) then the baby didn't play ball and I ended up staying in hospital following an overdue scan. Nothing is set in stone, it can all be changed at any moment.

My sister actually had her 3rd unassisted at home (due to shenanigans with midwifery licensing going on nationally, the midwife had to wait out in her car until the baby was born - my BIL apparently watched Youtube vids to prepare!).

Look at the pros and cons, talk to your midwives, nothing is risk free (and my DP was a vital advocate when I ended up in hospital) - in the end, you do get a casting vote, but remember it can all change at any time.

I think you both need to be on board with whatever the decision is. Your DH's fears are understandable, and not groundless.

I am not unsympathetic to your wish, but I personally lean towards your DH's point of view.

I have three DDs. DD1 and DD3 would not be here now if I hadn't been in hospital, and very possibly I wouldn't be either. I guess that colours how I view childbirth options.

Your choice, and you get the casting vote I guess, but your DH's opinion is valid too.

I'm on your side. I felt similarly about the birth of DC1 and DH found a book called the father's homebirth guidebook www.amazon.co.uk/Fathers-Home-Birth-Handbook/dp/190517750X?tag=mumsnetforum-21 very helpful. Unfortunately I didn't get a homebirth due to needing to be induced at 38 weeks but I had DC2 at home and it was a lovely experience - best of all being tucked up in my own bed with both DC afterwards! and DH agrees it was a million times better than the first birth experience from his point of view too. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I had both mine at home in water. My dh didn't want me to, but at the end of the day, i was the one pushing them out and i was quite determined! I have to say, for me, it was a good decision. Both births were great and it was lovely to be at home afterwards, showered in my own shower and tucked up in my bed with my new baby. I think i would spend the time showing your dh that it is reasonably safe (assuming you are low risk) and the midwives will advise you in plenty of time if you have to transfer to hospital. I reminded my dh that the safe delivery of my dc was my primary concern too, and i was not making the decision lightly or without good reason. I was a good hour away from my nearest hospital. The care from the midwives is exceptional too. I had a midwife with me for the last half of my labour and 2 at the birth. Better care than you get at a hospital, where they pop in and out and change staff at the end of a shift.

Why on earth are people so pro-home birth that they peddle complete nonsense? First time home birth in an otherwise low risk mother nearly double the risk of death or serious injury to the foetus. A crash section in a labouring patient in a hospital can, if required, go from decision to do a section to baby born in fewer than ten minutes. There is not an ambulance on standby at your gate to whisk you away. Midwives who attend risky home births, including those of first-time mothers, do not have a record of transferring patients at the slightest doubt - see already on this thread a four-hour pushing stage. That is not safety-driven, risk-minimising practice. Not all labour complications are signalled well in advance with plenty of time to transfer. While perhaps a midwife in a home can do the same things as a midwife in a hospital, the whole point is that a midwife in a hospital is also part of an enormous team of neonatologists, paediatricians, obstetricians and anaesthetists, eho can be there within seconds, with access to surgical theatres, blood banks, instrumental delivery, NICUs and ICUs.

You have every right to decide on a home birth if you wish. But it is horrifying to see people try to dupe you with breezy stories about how there is zero difference in your living room and the high-tech, fully-staffed hospital, that will be a lot more than 20 minutes away if you are in labour. Choosing home birth means taking a risk. You have every right to take that risk if you wish. But you should take it knowingly.

There are 364 other days in the year to light scented candles and enjoy the peace and privacy of your own home. However the day your baby is born is mostly not about you. Being twenty minutes away from hospital equates to being a minimum of one hour away from hospital-based assistance, realistically... That's if an ambulance is dispatched to you instantly in the event of things going wrong.

@MrsCaecilius had my 34 weeks appointment this week and they talked about home birth. I am hopefully going to a birth center which is very close to home but I worried if they were full I could have a home birth as a second choice sort of thing.

I am concerned about hospital born infection, the fact that triage and transfers are also really fast (sometimes as fast as if your in an actual hospital as the doctors still have to be called/prepped ect they are unlikely to by your side during labour)

So I'm very pro birth center and home birth. However the thing that actually totally put me off the home birth was that the midwife said after the birth they basically leave you after a couple of hours. That's it. And she said especially for the husbands this can be really overwhelming with everything else.

Rather then in a birth center you can stay up to 24 hours afterwards for support, though they completely leave you alone if you want to. They do still process you about 6 hours after labour and you can go home then if you want but the idea for me personally of being left an hour or so after labour at home was just not for me or my partner.

Hope this is helpful and I am supportive of home births, They are less inclined to intervene as well so the statistic are better on the tearing/cutting front. Very midwife lead at home or in a center.

Hospitals are very overstretched and a birth center was just completely the right choice for me personally knowing I would not be left alone for a minute if I didn't want to like in a hospital where you can be left alone for periods due to staff shortages and overstretching with many other women giving birth too.

On the plus too at a home birth a midwife will always be there monitoring you. If your only 20 mins from the hospital you would literally be in theater (if that's whats needed) pretty much as quickly as if you were at the hospital as if its an emergency they will divert an ambulance.

My sister in law is a midwife and my other a nurse so this is information from them and the midwives at my birth center

@sauceyorange this is true

Statistics can be used in ways in which they don't paint a reliable picture that's for sure. The fact the transfer rate is high is a very good thing.

Midwives at a home birth or in a birth center will have years and years of experience also to guide you through. I'm not saying they don't in a hospital but it's just the state of some maternity units in the current climate in our big cities especially can be concerning for those considering where to have their baby.

From my experience I'm very happy to be close to midwives and not have a Doctor on site. They can interfere just to 'get the baby out' in unnecessary situations and don't often know half as much as the midwives who have seen thousands more births then them.

I do totally understand there will be people who did not have surgical intervention they, or their beautiful babies, may not be here today.

Looking after yourself too is very important though, some women have problems for the rest of their lives because of the tearing, intervention and cutting they have gone through to remove their baby. Many midwifes are saying that many of these interventions could have been avoided with better 'midwife lead' care. My own mother has said over the years she had heard so many consultants and doctors telling women that they absolutely had to do X or Y to them otherwise they could have been in real trouble, knowing full well this was not the case. They were just very inexperienced concerning labour and it was better to just get the baby out 'in case'.

Some people are very happy with this though so I totally understand as at least everyone is safe and 'well' post birth. However for me personally (this may make me selfish) but I am considering my own well being as well as the babies, and I know my support will be in better hands at my local birth center.

*if they did not have surgical intervention, may not be here today

I wouldn't risk it for my first.
Also worth considering that although you will have a midwife with you, you will have no control over when she arrives and when her shift ends and a new one turns up.
If you're set on home birth I'd seriously consider paying privately to have extra support at home.
Also remember the baby will need a check within the first 24 hours or so, in some areas this will mean a trip to the hospital as not all community midwives do them and most GPs not funded.

It’s difficult... I was extremely pro Home birthing, I had one planned with my youngest but I couldn’t in the end as he was overdue and needed a push. Anyway the labour and birth was very straight forward but he was born with his cord around his neck and wasn’t breathing, he had to be resuscitated and have his airways cleared etc and they used hospital machine... if it was at Home I’m not sure he would have made it.
Complications are rare but they do happen, so I’m very inclined to side with your husband (after being a total home birthing nut job before). If you want to be left alone during labour then they will leave you alone, they aren’t allowed to harass you. They won’t even check if you just say you will let your husband go get them if you need any assistance, and so you can labour alone (I did this for the majority of the day)

@BigBaboonBum they do all this at a birth center and have all this equipment too. Home birth wise she would definitely have to consider these things. Though of course the midwife at home will be able to clear airways and resuscitate, they would have done this many many times

Potteryprincess30 - they wouldn’t have the machine when they couldn’t do everything manually though. They would have the hand manual equipment.
A birthing center is a good idea. Midwife led units sound fantastic.
Anyway I gave my opinion, if she wants a Home birth then great - when nothing goes wrong they’re supposed to be a WONDERFUL experience, one that last time I was very much looking forward to personally. Just be mindful that not everything always goes right, like my son likely wouldn’t have survived... I doubt it’s too common though to have the cord wrapped or other complications, but the fact I was planning Home birth and this happened was enough to make me think twice this time around.

If you have a midwife birthing unit near you they’re supposed to be a good ‘middle ground’

@BigBaboonBum yes they of course wouldn't have any machines at the home birth

She really should visit a birth center as even just for advise they seem to have so much more information on hospital/midwife centers & home births generally. This would definitely help both her and partner come to the right decision for everyone, including the baby of course!

OP I would say that if you are 100% certain there will be no complications then go for a home birth. If that is the case then I'd invest in a lottery ticket this weekend as you clearly have an ability to see the future.
Otherwise, stick to where the decades of NHS developments are housed.

I've just had my baby. She would've been fine. I would've lost too much blood to survive before the abulance arrived at my house.

To me a home birth is just not worth the risk.