6 weeks pregnant and husband left me

[Sarahl1987]

I'm new to this site and after some advise. This time last year I was happily married to my husband of 6 years. We have a beautiful boy aged 3.5 who we struggled to conviece, one previously miscarriage. We were told we might never have kids. I found out accidentally April 2017 my husband was having an affair with someone we both work with because I love my husband and didn't want my son growing up from a broken home I gave him a second chance. Over the last year we had our ups and downs but I thought we were ok. My husband has a slight depressive nature but I've grown use to that. Well out of the blue two weeks ago I found I was pregnant, I was pleased a fresh start. My husband wasn't, said it was too soon, that he was scared and not what he wanted. Anyway yesterday he went out and sent me a text that he wasn't coming back needed space. Heart broken, I visited him today at his mothers after some answers. He told me that he didn't think he loved me anymore and that he needs space. I honestly now do not know what to do I'm heart broken and pregnant and I'm trying to be strong for my beautiful boy who doesn't understand it at all! What do I do next?

HUGE HUGS. I didn't want to read and run.

What you are going through is unimaginable. I want to give your husband a bloody great clip round the ear but I don't think that will help much. Please, just don't do anything drastic for now.

Thing is....he had the affair and you took him back. While it sounds like you guys have a lot of unresolved issues from this period it also sounds like he is being quite selfish right now leaving you with all these decisions. He has a responsibility to you, his son and his future child. He has decided he can't cope and will 'run away' but all that he is doing is leaving you to shoulder the burden for yourself and your child (and him to a certain extent).

Could you write this in a letter to him and explain how you feel and then deliver it to his mother's? You can get it down on paper in your own time and space and he can read it in his own 'man space' (i'm trying not to eye roll but they do deal with things differently to us - however pathetic i find it sometimes).

Maybe suggest that 1) He can't just leave - he has a life and a family and he needs to be there to resolve the issues with this and 2) You still love him, you have made a lot of concessions for him and you would like him to give the marriage another chance and suggest he takes a few days to think about this and if he is willing, suggest a course of marriage counselling (unresolved issues etc). I would also explain what you have said to your son ('I have told him Daddy is on business for now') but say he needs to decided what you are telling him in the long term if he doesn't feel he can come home in the next few days and this is something he needs to explain to him.

Once again, i'm so sorry and he does need to accept....you were both there when that child was conceived. He needs to man up on this one and support you.

CL1982 that is a brilliant answer

Yes thank you CL1982, thank you for taking the time to write the post. I'm going to take you advice and write my feelings and expectations down. I was far too emotional this afternoon to get my points across. I refuse at the moment to believe it's all over. I really don't know how I'm going to keep now a stressful job (I'm the main bread earner) and look after a newborn and a toddler.

I really feel for you OP, what a shit situation.

I'm sure you will manage in the future with your job and the children. It's amazing what we can do when we have to

Thanks both. I am always a little hesitant about commenting on a situation. I'm glad it helped. I honestly believed counselling is a great way to work through issues. It sounds like your man has a few of his own he needs to resolve and it might even make you realise you're not willing to compromise on what YOU want :)

You'll manage. Whatever happens to you as a couple this child is his and he will need to pull his weight and support you. Your older one will almost be in School by the time bubs comes along don't forget which will help. Do you have family close by?

I've just sent him an email, I feel a bit better now. There is nothing more I can do other than look after myself and precious little boy. Ball is unfortunately in his court at the moment.

I have very supportive family close by and they are also devastated by all this. I already rely on them all too much. I guess with time I will think clearly and come up with a plan on how to make it all work.

I agree. I really hope things work out and please do check back with us all to let us know how you get on. Hugs xx

Thanks, the update so far is that he wants his cake and eat it. Wants to be able to drop in and out of our sons life when he pleases and still wants more time to think about our relationship. I obviously won't stop him seeing his children but they are too young to understand so will need a routine and set visiting times. He can't expect the privileges after walking out on us surely!!