AIBU - 'How are you feeling?'

[CremeDeSudo]

Does anyone else get irrationally irritated whenever someone asks you this? I know people are only being nice, but honestly whenever someone asks it immediately gets my back up.

Perhaps it's the number of times I'm asked daily? Is it the hormones? Or the fact I'm almost halfway through a high risk pregnancy? They definitely on't actually want to know that I'm bloated, uncomfortable, achey and feeling very anxious etc etc!

Please say it's not just me!

I think how are you feeling is just polite. What I hated was people saying “get all the sleep you can now” because I couldn’t exactly store it up in the bank. I know what they mean as although my baby is actually quite a good sleeper I would like to go back and savour one night where I was in control of how long I stayed in bed with no demands, real or anticipated! I don’t think there is any right thing to say to pregnant woman 😊

Crème, I kind of get where you are coming from.

I have previously had a late loss (22 weeks) so don't really like to discuss my pregnancy too much...Everything alright? is a bit of a favourite question people ask. "Well, yes, um it is at the moment (slapping a smile on my face). Sometimes it is a relief to talk about something else and have attention diverted away. Most of my mum friends have forgotten what it's like to be pregnant/give birth so they often can't relate to any complaints I have - piles, breathlessness, tiredness etc. and I really don't want to be the one hosting a pity party! Plus, now I'm at 31 weeks, I am often informed of my size - "you look fit to burst," had me seeing red last week (particularly as I had lost 2 stone before pregnancy and now have to start all over again.) I really don't feel too sociable at the moment - forcing myself to see friends, so at least I have some friends at the end of all of this. It is as you say probably a lot to do with hormones but the underlying anxiety certainly doesn't help...you are not on your own thinking this way x

High risk pregnancy here also after previous preterm, I think people just don’t know what else to say. I used to just say “fine thanks” but now I’ve actually started saying to people that I’ve been in hospital three times already and they seem to understand then. I do know where you’re coming from just try to smile and take it with a pinch of salt x

Thank you ladies. I'm glad you can see where I'm coming from at least!

I found it frustrating with DS as I had SPD, was painfully bloated continually and I'm sure I had some level of antenatal depression, yet I felt incredibly guilty for hating every second of it.

This time I would be grateful if the above was the only things I had to complain about!

I think I'm also just a grumpy cow when I'm pregnant!

This is a much wanted (and awaited pregnancy) Crème but I cant say I have enjoyed it very much...this is dc3 for me (fourth pregnancy) so perhaps the novelty has worn off. I am an older mum and none of my friends are pregnant (or ever intend to be again) so in some ways it has been quite a lonely experience - coupled with all the anxiety involved after my loss. I have had intense times of irritability too and cant wait for the whole thing to be over. I wouldn't say I am depressed exactly - more anxious however, I have experienced pnd after both of my children were born x

Dear goodness. If we can’t ask ‘how are you feeling’ then what can we say?? Seriously??

Thing is if I ask you how you're feeling I really DO want to know. I have experienced late loss and high risk pregnancy so it would be my way of expressing sympathy / empathy / concern.

Everything is unbearable when you're going through it though. I do get it

I'm fully aware I'm being completely unreasonable. I'm also aware I sound like a right miserable cow.

As for things you could say - 'Alright?' , 'How's it going?' I know these are basically the same thing, but for some reason it's the specific use of 'How are you feeling' that winds me up

I suppose the 'how are you feeling?' could be considered a bit more intrusive...as if you are expected to declare how you really feel. You could just say fine thanks... Alright? - yes thanks How's it going - O.K thanks Really, we don't always want to elaborate, I find it all a bit of a private thing...sometimes when you are pregnant it automatically seems to be out there in the public domain. I don't think anyone would understand this particularly well unless they themselves had experienced complications/loss. Don't worry about using short answers perhaps with a thanks tagged on to the end for courtesy purposes, I usually display a (sometimes) fake smile on my face too. Particularly in the early stages of pregnancy, I had a distinct feeling of wanting to be left alone...and I don't really care what people think, I just have to get through this x

Thank you @Lavender.

If you're at 31 weeks, sounds like you're progressing well this time and I hope you continue to do so!

Thank you Crème...I won't relax until baby is here (and then of course there is loads more to worry about) but I take nothing for granted.

Wishing you all the best too x

Huh?

My DiL is pregnant and I ask how she is feeling. Am I doing wrong? What the hell am I supposed to say?

I do genuinely want enquire how she is, give her the opportunity to moan or whatever, we all know she's going through this big thing she's never experienced before, it is exciting and can be challenging, surely it is normal/ natural to enquiry how a pregnant woman is?

I ask my friends how they're feeling because I genuinely want to know. Not to make small talk.

Of course...I do have good days as well, when I am able to talk about my loss and therefore my anxiety.
Crème is experiencing a high risk pregnancy, I have experienced a loss and was completely naïve in my first/second pregnancies - Chewbecca you need to read this thread more closely, most probably your DIL hasn't experienced this.

Perhaps your friends/relatives aren't as grumpy or unreasonable as me. I freely admit I'm not the best at being pregnant! I half expected my friends to tell me they'd see me in 9months when I annouced I was expecting this time round

Tell them in too much detail and maybe they won't ask again?
"Been better. Piles the size of my fist and brutal fanny daggers"

Oyster...your post made me smile...which is no mean feat!

Love the phrase "fanny daggers"

Excellent thankyou/marvellous, couldn't be better - people don't really know what to say when i say that enthusiasm. Lots of enthusiasm. Creepy enthusiasm. Most of the time they smile and politely walk away thinking I'm a bit odd.